Friday, November 02, 2007
urgh.. feeling damn tired now.. trying to work out my finances for dis mth.. thks to psp slim.. lolx yup.. planning to buy.. actually, i alr ordered from linus's cousin i think.. not sure lehx.. is sl help me de.. oh well.. juz waiting for the psp to come~ cant wait to play games.. =xytd, i was actually confident of being abt to get a placement for OSIP but now.. haha little tingling doubts crowding my mind.. *sweeps them away* oh well.. juz gotta do my best for the interview.. yea, my GPA sux.. my experiences might be close to nil as compared to others.. but hey, at least i've got a willingness to try and learn.. (although i do take quite some time to pluck up the courage) i'm not a useless person.. it's juz dat i simply cared too much abt wat others thot of me.. to the extent i didnt wan to share my thots for fear of saying sth wrong and being laughed at.. cos everytime i plucked up the courage to say sth, ppl didnt notice? well, dat sort of made me even more determined to NOT speak up..
but dat's all gotta change, doesnt it? i mean, i really wan dis OSIP and i bet there's alot of ppl vying for these dozen placements.. so i have to learn to speak up.. not in class, i mean in the interview.. to make the lecturer take notice and mayb consider me.. hmm.. i'm preparing myself for the interview.. can say i gan jiong but it's more lyk, i really do need a lot of time to overcome my fear of speaking up.. so yea.. *prepares some more*
i dunno if it's me thinking too much or wat.. but i somehow feel dat some ppl dislike me.. ALOT.. lolx sort of made me kinda miserable in sch.. couple of times really feel lyk breaking down and cry.. but thank god i didnt cos i noe those ppl sure as hell dun care.. i'm overly concerned on how ppl think of me.. so it sort of affected me alot when i think some of them dislike me.. trust me, i've nv felt DAT lonely for a long time..
lucky i have you by my side (literally) and supporting me.. yea i noe you find it hard to believe dat ppl dislike me and would even go to the extent of ignoring me.. but hey, there is.. in fact i think ALOT of ppl dun lyk me.. hahaha cos i dun speak up in front of ppl whom i juz noe.. so they think i'm "dao".. bad first impression = dun talk to u.. LOL i'm juz happy dat you understood how i felt.. sometimes i really wished i didnt care so much abt how others think.. but if i didnt, i wouldnt be me now, would i..
in fact, i still didnt noe who i am or rather, who i wan to be.. i'm hoping going for OSIP will help me to find my goals.. cos i'll be in a diff country, away from everything familiar.. yup.. mayb i'll find the independent me again.. where has the QR in sec 1 gone to? the QR who doesnt need anyone, who always depend on herself.. mayb during OSIP, i might find her again? who knows...
zzzz my topics are jumping all over the place.. think i beta stop blogging le.. otherwise will confuse ppl... ciao~