Monday, November 19, 2007
she would lyk to sincerely wish her son, Benjamin, a very happy belated birthday. =)disappointment summed up her whole day. she went out happily, filled wif hope. only to end the day wif disappointment and awkwardness. was it really her fault? how does one open up to someone whom she has stopped opening up to for months? did someone really understand? or did someone just assume? she was tired.. she kept EMPHASIZING how tired she was.. it was nv a particular situation but someone wasnt listening. dat led to disappointment.
she thot things would be resolved.. instead, they tried to sweep everything under the carpet, as if nth happened.. if dat were to be so, why meet up in the 1st place? all it led to was awkward silence. she has kept to herself for far too long. she has been let down by the same person for far too long. dere will always come to dis point whereby she is AFRAID of opening up. for she find she could no longer trust. problems were surfacing from every aspects of her life. she needed care and support. not a brush off. if she stayed out of her life for months, why suddenly come back now? why expect so much from her now? why now?
she wants to rest. she wants to concentrate on her studies. her parents scolded her stupid for believing. but still, she wanted to believe. but it has been costing her. for time and again, she was let down, brushed off..
she told a fren. if she were to be in an accident and was in a coma, there is a huge possibility she wouldnt wake up. if it were up to her will to live, she would DEFINITELY not wake up. for she no longer has dat will. all she wanted was for life to pass by quickly.
she asked for a break from the frenship. she tried to "solve" things by asking her abt her problems. she no longer trust. she couldnt trust. she didnt want to believe any longer.
let it be her fault den. for not letting her back into her life. but she doesnt lyk ppl who comes in whenever they see fit and leaves whenever she needed them most. disappointment. how much more does she have to face? how much longer does she have to endure before seeing the sunshine after the rain? for now, she juz walks away. hoping there's a better tml.