Thursday, November 08, 2007
she stared at the computer screen, speechless.. thots were running through her mind.. how have things come to this point? wat has happened? as much as she wanted to interfere, she knew it would be a wise choice to remain silence.. for if she ever did speak up, things would have been worse..rite now, she can be assured dat things have sort of settled down.. however, deep in her heart, she knew everything has changed.. her life is different now.. wat ever that was hers in the past, is no longer so.. wat ever she has hoped for, is gone.. all she had in her hands, were memories.. perhaps one day, she would lament her loss.. but for now, all she wanted was to rest..
she met her best friend today.. they talked abt many things.. most of which, were abt the past and present.. she opened up to her best fren, telling her how she felt.. her best fren understood.. her best fren was there for her with an open mind.. her best fren told her how she felt.. she understood.. and she too, was there with an open mind..
in a r/s, regardless frenz or lovers, it always took both parties' efforts in order for things to work out.. one doesnt sit still and wait for the other party to make all the effort.. a little initiative was all it took to make a r/s work for a long long time.. however, it was only today, did she understand that logic.. and it was only today, did she realise how silly she was to hold on to the past..
she did not regret.. she did not cry.. all she did was look at her best fren and said, "i'm glad you are hot tempered. otherwise we wouldnt be sitting here now." it was rather true.. if her best fren did not confront her, she would have left things as it was and there goes their very precious frenship..
she has learnt not to give up.. she has learnt to listen.. but she knew certain things could nv be changed.. and one of them is the past.. however, she knew it was useless to hold on to the past.. better to look forward and do watever she could to make things rite again..
she wished she wasnt so conscious abt wat others thot of her.. she wish she didnt bother.. all she got was hurt and more hurt.. her parents asked her.. why was she unhappy.. she said.. sch, frenz and many other things.. she didnt tell them that the thing that was troubling her the most was herself.. she didnt tell them that she had thots of dying.. she didnt tell them that she wanted to leave.. all she did was to tolerate and hope that the end would come soon..
she's not feeling suicidal.. all she felt was that there isnt anything left hoping for anymore.. the human cycle is such that one is born, grow up, grow old and die.. she hopes to be born, grow up and die.. she would very much lyk to leave out the "grow old" phase of life.. perhaps dis way, she would feel happier.. someone told her not to die before he did.. it was more pressure on her.. having to live up to expectations of others.. it was something she vowed not to do.. and she sure as hell wouldnt do it..
she is selfish.. she is stubborn.. to some, she might even be cold-hearted.. but in this imperfect world, if she didnt protect herself, who would protect her..
Destiny is what you think...
Watch your thoughts; they become words...
Watch yours words; they become actions...
Watch your actions; they become habits...
Watch your habits; they become character...
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny...
True friends come in the good times when we tell them to, and come in the bad times without calling...