Designer : Noa_Carmen
Software : Adobe
Basecodes: xXx

Please Click here to go to my newest entries.

haven been blogging dese few days cos i've taken an interest in writing in a diary.. yup.. my deepest and darkest secrets are hidden within the pages of a diary, in blue and white.. (ps. i used blue pen.. so it's blue and white.. not black and white..)


hmm.. it seems i'm developing a habit of fantasizing while on the bus.. i started noticing it ytd.. cos i was thinking of some stuff dat wld nv ever happen, and i'm grinning lyk an idiot over it.. =.= dat's when i realised the "danger" of taking a bus.. cos u feel compelled to think of sth during long journeys.. me? i fantasized.. it was really nice though...


hong kong trip in less than 2 wks time.. not say very excited but yea.. kind of looking forward to it..


i hope bestie's alrite now.. gotta treat her an ice cream when i see her.. =D


been meeting db these few days.. haha gym-ed wif her today.. only lasted for lyk 30mins cos i'm having knee problems.. yea well.. I'M GONNA LOSE WEIGHT~! ROAR


kbox wif e piggies dis sun~ whee~!


hmm.. before he left for NS, he sent me an email and said dis one sentence:

love that we cant have is the one that last the longest, hurt the deepest and feel the strongest

one thing i've got to disagree is dat.. it's not a love we cant have.. it's a love we once shared.. and i hope we'll still be sharing.. but.. i guess it's not time to say dis.. we still have to lead our own lives.. juz hope dat fate will let us cross paths again ba.. now, it'll be beta to remain frenz..

was watching Hanazakari no Kimitachi e on youtube.. Mizuki said sth which i wanna say to someone.. hahaha..

i want to laugh with you when you laugh. i want to have fun with you when you have fun. i want to grieve with you when you are grieving. and when you are sad, i want to cry with you.

loving someone, is not possessing.. and to me, being dere for him is e best thing dat could ever happen to me.. though at times, he's not responsive (=.=) but when he starts crapping and joking wif me, it makes me feel satisfied.. even content.. he told me he moved on.. dat he feels troubled.. in his words, "xin hen fan".. and i told him, concentrate on wat is in front of you.. dun bother too much abt wat is between us.. dis time round, when i say i would wait, i would.. unless....

i figured it'll be a waste not to blog abt last nite.. hahaha cos it's super fun and embarrassing.. =x


1st of all, thks to kev for remembering my birthday.. =) though it's belated, it's e thot dat counts.. haha

2ndly, i received sk's present from zh.. =D CHIP~ now i'm on the lookout for DALE.. HAHA

cute rite.. we made him drive.. LOL

let's talk abt ytd.. it's really fun.. haha.. went out wif gor gor bc, cai gor gor zh, shuai ge zx and anything jk.. LOL anyways, zx was late so we went to his hse to wait for him.. his hse very nice de lorx.. beautiful de~

off we went to bugis.. wanted to eat at Swenson's but... too many ppl.. den we walked ard and i joked abt going to food court.. zx say no, muz go high class abit de place cos wear until so nice.. HAHA finally decided to eat at Sketches.. e food is nice.. so's the pizza.. yum yum~ thks to the guys for treating me dinner =D jk had sausages, i had veal shanks while bc, zh and zx had beef steak.. e food is very nice.. worth the money.. haha

den we went to buy tickets for movie.. seeing dat i've turned 18, we decided to watch a M18 movie.. hahaha.. chose I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.. when buying tickets, need to show IC.. lolx.. found out jk is a PR.. and zx feels insulted dat need to check IC.. LOL

e movie was GREAT~ damn funny la.. laughing throughout the movie.. think bestie will lyk it.. HAHA highly recommended to go watch! i recommend huahua to watch le.. by the way..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FLOWER LOVER~!

so where was i.. oh.. after watching movie, we had a hard time getting to the car.. hahaha cos we parked at e basement of bugis.. den we have problems going to basement.. =.= cos e lift stop service at 11 30pm.. and it's 2am alr.. haha end up we walk in through the entrance of the carpark.. lolx

went to a pub at boat quay.. dunno e name.. nv notice.. went in, opened a bottle of vodka and started drinking.. played card games and stay dere all e way till close to 5am.. zh puked.. i puked too cos i got drunk.. seems dat i get drunk easily.. =.= anyway, thks to zx and bc for taking care of me when i got drunk.. jk too.. =D zh oso have la.. hahaha. but bc brought me hm and zx was patting my back while i puked.. zx keep asking me whether i ok anot.. haha den i say i puke once ok liao.. end up when bc drive, i puke again.. =.= lucky got plastic bag sia.. alr dizzy from being drunk liao.. den i choose dat time to get motion sickness.. ^*&^*&$^#&%&*&*^%%*& confirm puke lorx..

anyway, i gave my parents a scare when i called hm to ask dem unlock e door.. according to my mom, it's really scary to receive a phone call in e middle of the nite wif one of us outside.. cos it might mean sth happen to us.. yea.. sorry mom and dad! >.<

all in all, i had a really great time~ =D if can, i dun mind going out lyk dat again.. juz dat dis time round, i'll try not to get drunk.. =x

thks once again to bc, zh, zx and jk~! =D

SHEEPIE TURNED 18 LIAO~ LIKE FINALLY~!
hahahaha.. happy happy girl~ 1st of all, gonna thank those ppl who made my day.. =D

in chronological order, the ppl who sent me birthday wishes and presents:
1) SY~ cos he need to slp early, he msged me "happy birthday" last nite at ard 8plus to 9.. hahaha but i really appreciate the thot.. 12 15 22 5 25 1 =)

2) Little aunt~ went to her hse last nite to help rui ying on her maths.. and i got my 3rd present from her.. DVD set =D wif my fave korean idol~ wootx!

3) my son~ he sent me the SWEETEST msg EVER~! last yr he gave me sweets and dis yr, he gave me the sweetest feeling ever~! Love you son!!! =D

4) SL~ erm.. he was at my hse at 11plus close to 12am.. but i wasnt hm.. >.< so he left my present on my doorstep and left.. he bought me a cake and a bottle which i wanted.. thks alot.. =) when my dad saw e cake, he was lyk, "wah, save my money on buying a cake.. " =.= dere was some writings on the cake.. "Happy Birthday Sheepie. Stay Happy" my dad was lyk.. wat's dat? i told him "sheepie" and he heard "shitty".. thks ar, papa.. zzzz

5) Darling Flower~ she was hoping to be the 1st one.. but.... HAHA so credits to her for being the FIRST GIRL to wish me happy birthday =D

6) my bro~ 1st time he said happy birthday to me at 12 midnight sia.. LOL *tears* my mom and my dad too hahaha.. 1st time 12midnight blow candle.. =D and sing birthday song.. WOOTX happy happy~! and my bro and my mom gave me my 1st birthday present.. a Crumpler messenger bag.. =D i lyk~!

7) dhah dhah~ thks you sooooo much, darling turtle =D when's the nxt chapter of your story coming out??

8) cheryl~ keke thks so much! muackz~

9) clara~ thank you soo soo soo much and yes, i'm most definitely one yr older.. HAHA

10) valerie~ xie xie ni~! =D

11) zx~ shuai ge wish me happy birthday lehx~!!!!! ^.^

12) bc~ my dearest gor gor.. haha he say since he cant give me my 1st present, he's giving me my LAST present.. =.= so he juz came to my hse and passed me my present.. LOL

13) vanessa~ MIA dunno how long le lehx.. hahaah.. but thks for remembering =)

14) ms joan ho~ o.O i didnt expect dat.. it was really a pleasant surprise.. =) thank you

15) manu~ bestie celebrated my birthday wif me on tue.. =D went to Changi Village wif her for a couple of drinks and she gave me my 1st present.. a bracelet.. pretty pretty.. thks bestie~! love ya =D oh and she treated me to cocktails.. thks alot~! (i'm such an alcoholic.. LOL)

16) ayysha~ thank you "boss"! =p

17) noraishah~ thank you so much! gotta have fun on sat kz! =)

18) laura~ thks babe!! stay happy~!

19) fion~ hello mummy~! thks so much for e birthday wish =D

20) melvin~ wah.. dis guy ar.. LOL dunno how long nv contact liao.. knew him since pri sch.. still good frenz.. HAHA thks alot man.. =D

21) jessica and isabel~ now dis is a really huge surprise.. my mentees.. =D it's nice to noe dey remembered my birthday.. makes it worthwhile for me to go every sat.. i'm loving mentoring more and more~!

22) kuku~ HAHA good luck for your sup paper and thks alot!! =D

23) zh~ whee my gor gor who CALLS me to wish me happy birthday sia.. *touched*

24) db~ she tagged at my tagboard.. hahaha.. now den saw it.. thks alot darling and dun worry abt e celebration kz.. =) cheerx

25) sk~ OMG DAT BIAN TAI TAGGED ME~! i missed him sia.. KAI AR.. MY DESKTOP CRASHED!!! >.< hahaha anyways, thks for tagging.. =D

26) last but not least, thks to ivan for his birthday wish.. =) appreciates

i hope i nv leave anyone out.. =x if i did, thank you sooo much cos you've made my day too~!

well.. i wld say dis yr is my best birthday ever.. cos i'm not expecting much from it, i've gotten alot more out of it.. dun understand? well.. every yr, as my birthday gets closer, i wld start having count-downs and being excited over a seemingly, normal day.. and most times than not, i would be disappointed by the lack of certain things.. not presents.. mayb cos i'm expecting sth special dat's why when dere's nth special, i'm disappointed..

but dis yr, it's diff.. mayb ppl will be wondering, why i dun wan to celebrate my birthday.. why dis and why dat.. e reason is simple.. i'm sick and tired of expecting things, and being disappointed when it didnt come up to my expectation.. so yea, i wanna pass my birthday happily, without disappointment.. so i decided dis yr, dun celebrate and dun have any expectations at all.. and boy.. did today surprise me..

today, i found out dat when you dun expect anything out of e day, u tend to appreciate things more.. receiving birthday wishes and presents were a joy dis yr.. cos i treasure them more.. and it's really a pleasant surprise to receive the sms-es.. makes it's all e more special.. dat's why dis yr is a special yr for me.. cos without noticing, you guys have made my birthday special.. once again, thank you.. love you all~! muacks!

there's only one word to describe having to wake up at 5plus am in the morning for 2 consecutive days.. SHAGGED~! really, totally, superbly shagged.. seriously.. wernt for Terry Fox Run ytd morning.. (no, i'm not running..) woke up at an unholy hour of 5 am... (urgh~!) reach harbourfront interchange at abt 6 15am and.. AND.. it's raining heavily.. lyk really, totally, superbly heavily~! ok.. i'm exaggerating here.. lolx but who cares.. e timing is still unholy.. though i cant really define which time is holy... =x

so wat did i do at e Terry Fox Run? well, basically, my "job" is to stand in the middle of the track.. and prevent myself from being knocked down by the runners.. =.= ok la.. i'm supposed to prevent them from colliding wif one another but hey.. i was too busy avoiding them, to prevent a human collision.. LOL

e whole thing ended at 10plus and i swear, the management sux.. lyk hell.. zzzz.. went to the toilet wif yun qian.. stupid toilet was all e way at One degree 15 and we had to walk lyk 2km(?) to reach dere.. den while we were dere, yasmin called to say they were leaving.. OMG la.. nv even wait for us.. how they manage one sia.. and ivan, joel and laura were at sentosa cove which was even FURTHER away.. waited for e 3 of them and we walked back to the supposed meeting place to find.. NO ONE.. =.= then called some of our frenz, was told to WALK towards Tanjong Beach.. sianz.. i think we walked for quite some time sia.. think got 3 km lorx.. laura was complaining that she's tired.. and me too.. i developed a major headache due to lack of slp.. sigh.. so didnt join e rest when dey went to beach..

ivan sent me and yun qian hm.. to tell the truth, i feel dat the Terry Fox Run should be more well managed.. i mean the tp side.. i wasnt even informed of all e details la.. all i got was a phone call to tell me meet where and wat time and dat's it~! i was quite pissed off wif e lack of details but since it's over, watever la.. one nice thing abt e run was dat i saw a woman pushing a stroller while she jogged.. her daughter is sooo cute la~! it's kinda inspiring watching dem run.. but i'm not inspired to run.. mainly cos i cant do long distance.. lolx so i gotta salute those who completed the run.. kudos~!

reached hm at ard 11plus, bathed and went to the salon to straighten my hair.. reached hm at 2plus and i ko-ed.. slept till 3plus, woke up changed clothes and off i went wif my family to Wheelock Place to buy my bag~! =D got a nice messenger bag for $163, paid for by both my mom and bro... keke.. dinner's on dad.. love my family~ MUACKS

went to Parkway Parade to buy a player.. can watch DVDs, and dere's radio.. i forgot wat's it called la.. but can sing karaoke.. HAHA no need go kbox liao.. stay at hm sing~ =p

went hm at 8 30, bathed and went out to meet sk and zh for movie.. LOL i'm such a bad person to watch movie wif.. cos i keep moving and at e start of the movie, i was msging sy.. =x yea, but i ended the conversion real quick.. muz be considerate.. >.< movie was so so.. erm.. i think i'm a scardy cat cos i got scared.. over nth... =.= so after e movie, sk and zh were teasing me over my movements.. HAHA

woke up real early dis morning at 5 30am to do some stuff for mentoring, den met up wif bc and zh to go airport.. drove dere and met sk.. hung out wif him till he had to go in.. zzz.. super sad la.. nearly cry.. =( think sk oso wan to cry la but thks to bc for being so gay, we laughed instead of cry.. =p

went to T2 to eat breakfast wif bc and zh.. zh too sleepy le la.. he accidently overturn e coffee.. knn.. kena my bag sia.. NEW BAG LEHX.. den my whole pants wet.. zzz i become coffee girl liao.. T-T den hor.. e coffee is HOT.. burn my butt.... T-T painful de.. my butt cooked liao la.. LOL but my poor bag now got coffee smell sia.. zzz need to wash.. ytd buy nia lehx.. sobs...... smelly bag liao..............................

den hor... my whole butt wet la.. i got e ****ing coffee smell all over my body can.. not only my pants, jacket oso tio.. den still need to walk from T2 to T1... super MALU la~! den bc need to cover me.. hahaha.. he walk behind me sia.. den e 3 of us keep laughing over e coffee smell.. kekeke

now in tp .. lolx.. passed kuku e AM txtbk.. talked to her for a while and she went off to work le.. so here i am, blogging away happily wif her acc.. LOL so now my name is TAN HUI LING.. HAHA well, i shall end here le..

心里充满着不舍得地送他走
莫名其妙的是当他要走时
真的好想哭
在这没有他的四个月
我真的会觉得好寂寞
虽然还有别的朋友在
但他是我现在朋友当中最要好的
我知道我会很想他
也会觉得没有他会怪怪的
因为少了一个人和我斗嘴
也少了一个我可以诉苦的人
虽然他老是欺负我
可是我也被他欺负习惯了 =.=
死变态 快点跟我回来~!!!!!!! (bc loves you~)

from bc: take care~ (me: =.= 好恩爱)

went to WSPS today to take some videos for mentoring.. woo.. i got lost in the sch.. =.= zhi ying was dere too.. so we were walking ard the sch, looking for signs of mentoring sessions.. lolx e place is at 3rd level.. but we were searching on the 1st level.. =.= no wonder cannot find.. haha

took the necessary videos and headed to JYPS wif jun xian for more video takings.. watched dem play games, got a couple of my victims (muahahaha) and interviewed dem.. today was filled wif fun and laughter cos e mentors are all friendly.. i would say i really enjoyed it.. =)

TCCC as usual was fun.. lolx.. esp e games.. netball AGAIN.. HAHA anyways, it's really fun having mentors and mentees playing games together.. keke going to be real busy dis 2wks cos of mentoring.. gonna chiong e vid.. den dere's e ppt.. and Award Ceremony.. AHHHH so many things to do!!!!!!!! *stress*

went to soccer dere as usual.. lolx saw sy's hair.. or rather, lack of hair.. ok la.. not as ugly as he said.. but den again, he always say he's ugly.. =.= fine.... db was dere too.. talked to her and she told me abt her sis's blog shop.. i was listening and thot her sis is really an aggressive entreprenuer.. buying and selling of branded goods lehx.. high capital lorx.. pei fu pei fu... *kowtow* one of the stuff her sis selling is Blue Label.. u noe e limited Blue Label.. not sold in S'pore de.. got nice clothes and bags but her sis selling bags nia.. branded de wor.. i wan buy but no money.. LOL watever..

talked to zx abt me going to Hong Kong.. asked him wat he wan and he told me boxers.. LOL i'm lyk ok den.. but now he say he wan to think abt it.. HAHA db say anything.. lolx.. so yea.. i'm going ard asking ppl wat dey wan.. but i dun even noe i can buy anot.. =.= but i'll try.. if cannot, juz anyhow buy lorx.. haha

zx is very funny lehx.. lolx.. i kept laughing when i was talking to him.. and hor.. he's a shuai ge ok... lolx.. when i saw him today, i said, "wah shuai ge.. very long nv see you liao!" haha oh well.. going to soccer place every wk allows me to keep in touch wif my frenz.. which is sth i lyk.. =)

sk going to India le.. so i ask him to treat me ice cream today.. =D going to send him off on mon morning.. going to be EARLY.. zzzzz but since he will be gone for quite some time, juz wake up early lorx.. hahaha.. kai ar.. see i treat you so well!!! lolx

my mom told me we're going to buy me a Crumpler bag tml.. =D cos i told her i lyk my cousin's bag.. last entry i said i wanted to steal his bag.. yea.. his is a Crumpler bag.. haha my bday present.. =p happy happy~

oki la.. i go slp le.. dunno wat i wan to blog abt.. lolx.. ciao~

i'm high~ lolx well time for some updates..

Saturday:
sometimes i really dunno why i go mentoring.. i mean, e mentees can be a handful.. and some of dem are.. argh! juz dis saturday morning, i went to TP for JYPS's outing.. truth to be told, i was feeling pretty grumpy, having to wake up early and all.. my job was to take pic and videos of the outing.. to make matters worse, it's raining.. i should be snug and cosy in my bed.. not in TP taking pics..

but once again, e kids nv fail to amaze me.. JYPS kids are cute to the extent u really wan to bring them hm.. hahaa and it juz reaffirms my decision to join mentoring is the rite thing.. yea it's true at times, these kids make me wanna scream.. but still, the joy on their faces.. indescribable.. at TCCC, i interviewed 2 mentors.. and wat one of dem said, i pondered.. after one full wk of stress, it relaxes us to see these kids.. and i guess it's really true.. sometimes we are so focused on our problems, we fail to see many things out dere.. and these kids are one of the many things out dere dat we've missed out.. i'm really glad sk pulled me into dis CCA.. i'm really glad..

after mentoring, i headed over to the court as usual where the guys are playing soccer.. finally claimed my ice cream treat from sy.. =D sk and zh were making fun of me e whole time.. zzzz

Sunday:
nth much happened today.. juz a normal sunday where i wake up late, played games.. boring.. went to dinner wif my aunts.. and dat's all.. oh yea.. did a really crazy thing.. i emailed sy.. =x

Monday:
well, went to the dentist today.. cleaned my teeth and e dentist told me i have a habit of grinding my teeth and she advises me to make a night guard which i will wear when i slp.. and guess wat.. e night guard cost a freaking $400++.. lyk wat e hell la! anyway, i told her i'm gonna discuss dis wif my parents.. and even so, it cost me $85.. money fly away liao la..

worked as per usual at my dad's.. interesting thing was dat sk and zh called me and we chatted for more than an hour.. hahaa sort of decreases the boredom.. den had dinner and went hm..

read e email sy sent me.. =D and chatted wif him on msn.. hahaha made him promise to reply me when i msg him.. lolx and juz chatted wif him.. ahahah

Today:
msged sy in the morning.. cos he enlisting today.. told him if he replied me, i would tell him my secret.. and he really replied me.. =.= wat to do.. so i told him my secret.. and he didnt reply.. LOL

mama went to Taiwan wif her family today.. i went to send them off.. hahaa.. chatted and joked wif my cousins.. wanted to steal my cousin's bag but he caught me.. =x "borrowed" their PSP to play.. well.. i sort of demanded for it but watever.. HAHA my dad was driving dem to the airport.. so while we were getting on the van, i knocked my head against e roof of the van and i "bounced" back.. T-T everyone had a shock.. but my dad laughed.. =.= dere's still a freaking lump on my head which hurts alot.. =(

after dat, went to work and chatted wif zh and sk on the phone again.. hahaa.. dis time, we chatted for 2hrs and 30mins.. hahaha.. den bc called in, made some plans for nxt fri and we hung up.. and i started reading my storybook.. had dinner and went hm.. msged sy (and he replied!!!).. was really happy.. HAHA so we "chatted" for a while and he went to slp.. lights out.. keke..

was chatting wif nandu's gf, li, on msn.. she's a really nice and special girl.. hahaa.. we talked abt alot of stuff... hehee she found our yrbk in 2004 and was flipping through it.. by the way, nandu and li are in London.. LOL anyway, told her abt alot of stuff dat happened between me and nandu in secondary sch.. bitched abt stuff, talked abt shopping, hot guys (oh my~) and sex.. sex was a really huge topic between e 2 of us.. we shared quite alot.. HAHA and trust me.. for girls, the conversation is rather crude.. keke.. talking to li made me laugh and i'm really relaxed when i'm talking to her cos she's such a nice person to talk to.. plus, we lyk to gossip abt nandu.. LOL we were going on abt bjs and being eaten out.. HAHA den we talked abt sizes and crude jokes.. it's a really open conversation..

well.. i guess it's a really happy day for me.. catching up wif old frenz, keeping in touch.. but let's face it.. e person who made me really happy is him.. lolx.. gonna msg him tml nite again.. see how he is.. haven shave head wor.. lolx cant wait to see him botak.. =p

oh yea.. sk's flying off nxt mon.. think i'm gonna send him off.. hmm.. i guess i will miss him ba.. cos i always go out wif him de.. (he's e easiest to call out on last min basis.. LOL) india lehx.. siao siao.. hmm.. hope he'll come back soon ba.. hahaha

yea~! i'm finally feeling beta~! =D wasnt feeling dat unwell today.. can even say other than a hoarse voice, i'm feeling much beta.. *grinz* anyways, juz completed 2 dances for mentoring and i've edited the songs too.. feeling so happy.. ^.^ i'm a happy girl~

well, went for mentoring meeting dis morning.. asked huimin to join cos she's my assistant.. (hi, assistant~!) meeting was funny once again thks to jun xian.. haha.. tml's going to be a day of hard work for me and my 2 darling helpers.. we'll be taking photos and videos.. shucks~ =s 1st time doing dis.. a little nervous.. ahahaha

tore down e mentor notice board today.. in jun xian's words, tearing down the notice board was a "historical moment".. ~.~ riiiite.. wished i had a vacuum cleaner dere though.. =x it's really dusty.. but i'm not complaining.. cos huimin, jun xian and sk were e ones doing e tearing down.. hahaha.. thks for e help guys~! ^.^

after dat, met bc and went for lunch.. or rather sk went for lunch.. me and bc simply watched.. lolx.. den sk went to buy phone.. zh came and join us.. was supposed to meet sy at mrt station at 3 30.. but cos sk buy phone, we were late.. oops.. =s when we reached mrt station, it was already lyk 4 45.. we were supposed to watch a movie at plaza sing at 4 20.. =.= go figure.. den dis uncle came and asked for direction.. i walked him out of e station and told him how to walk to e polyclinic.. den e uncle asked me whether i'm from china.. =.=! den he said cos of e way i speak chinese.. perfect pronounciation.. lolx and i was lyk no, i'm singaporean.. HAHA

by e time we board e train, it was lyk 4? so when we reached plaza sing, it's 4 30 le.. den e tickets was selling fast.. den sy said cathay got at 5 15.. took train down to somerset, bought e tickets and off we went to watch e movie~! e movie is Naraka 19: The 19th Gate of Hell.. horror movie.. heard abt it on e radio.. e thing is.. after e movie, i wasnt even scared.. and zh nearly fell asleep, sk was lyk playing wif his phone and sy is lyk half asleep.. LOL so you get my drift.. i didnt quite lyk e storyline but i kinda lyk wat e whole movie was revolving abt.. 19th gate of hell.. how cool.. i'm gonna do some research on dat.. i think it's a cult.. but not sure.. yea.. gotta research..

in conclusion, i wouldnt recommend ppl to go watch this movie but if you're interested in the theory of 19th level of hell, go ahead and watch it.. kinda lame movie all in all.. wasnt scary.. T.T and it was stated as horror.. oh my.. the horror of it~!

barely one week into the holidays, i'm "happy" to announce dat i'm sick.. psh.. juz e normal bout of cough and flu.. when's fever coming into the picture? soon, i would say.. argh.. so frustrated.. why am i sick.. zzzz.. today, e kukus are celebrating judy's bday at linus's hse.. i cant go.. =( but even if i could go, i'm too sick to go.. =.= was supposed to head over to my dad's to work.. but, when i got hm, i juz ko-ed in bed.. and when my bro came hm, he woke me up and said, "you sick ar? *takes one look at me* ok nvm.. you are sick.." major =.=

went to see a chinese physician juz now.. i lazy to go western doc.. took med.. i need to take a total of 8pills, 3 times per day.. dat's lyk 24 pills?!?! watever.. not going into maple today cos i gotta slp early..

have anyone wondered why i'm called sheepie? huahua was e one who called me dat.. and when i asked her why, she said it was cos i have a soft toy named meh meh and it's a sheep.. and she knew of dat sheep cos i brought it to sch.. LOL so dat's why i'm sheepie.. same reason for bestie who has a duck called charlie.. so bestie's duckie.. lolx

i guess no one knew why i have dat sheep and why it's called meh meh ba.. except for those who knew me before poly life.. lolx.. i forgot the exact date i bought the sheep.. but i bought it at night safari.. it cost me $10..

sheep was sth significant to me since i met him.. up till now, it's still sth significant.. to me, he's meh meh.. someone i keep deep in my heart.. someone whom, as long as he's happy, i'm happy too.. however, i'm still a girl and i have needs.. all i needed was to see him.. keep in contact and perhaps, be dere for him.. dat's all.. i dun need him to give me a status.. i dun need him to tell me i'm somone special to him.. i juz need him to noe i'm dere for him, be it as a fren or someone more special.. if i said i cant live without him, i would say it's e truth ba.. he touched my heart once.. he found me once.. now, he's still got me.. juz dat he didnt notice it.. perhaps at dat time, i didnt notice it too.. dat's why i didnt cherish wat we had.. i guess it's all too late to regret.. he's going to "jail" in 6 days' time.. i would be lying if i said i wouldnt miss him.. and i would be lying too if i said i'm ok without him there for me to disturb.. but dat's how it'll be.. for now.. i'll be willing to wait for him.. while waiting for him, i'll do well for my studies and not think abt relationships and stuff.. i suppose i hurt him once when i left.. now, i'm sticking to my promise.. and i promised to wait.. so wait is wat i will do..

was watching youtube vid again.. came across dis harry potter vid.. super funny.. and i found dis rap.. lol damn cool la.. gonna share:

i dunno wat to blog.. got alot of stuff i wanna say but i cant say it.. read sl's blog.. mixed feelings i would say.. other than dat, i dunno wat to say.. seriously wish to hide in a corner and not bother abt anything..

i've been MIA again.. other than sch stuff, i cant go out to other places.. or rather, i've simply lost e mood.. hmm.. i've got to stop now.. mind's in a blank

it's really scary.. i have a sudden urge to cry.. LOL so diao rite.. i dun even noe why i'm thinking of that.. =.= currently, my mind's filled wif many what if's... and many perhap's.. i've been going..

perhaps dis...
perhaps dat...
perhaps dis...
perhaps dat...

it gets kinda tiring and depressing.. haha.. see.. i've been thinking alot again.. *sigh* and i juz twirl round and round in dis tiny box.. thinking over and over again abt e same thing.. =.= it's lyk, my brain's not really working.. makes me wonder if db's e one who fell on e bus or me.. cos i'm e one having amnesia here.. zzzz

speaking of db.. she really did gave me a huge scare on sat.. i could say i'm beside myself wif worry.. cos nv have i seen her so scared.. yes, i've seen her cry b4.. i've seen her cried far worse than on sat.. but it's dat fear of hers dat really freaked me out.. T.T makes me feel so useless at times.. and makes me wonder wat i would do or feel if i were in her place..

see.. if i ever fell on e bus, and as badly as how she did, i would even bother to call anyone or walk away.. (i guess..) i'll simply sit dere and cry at my stupidity.. cos i always feel stupid after a fall.. not dat i'm saying db's stupid.. it's juz me.. sheash.. DO NOT misunderstand pls.. let me touch on sitting dere and crying at my stupidity.. here's my "logic":

if i ever fall in public, i would be SOOO embarrassed dat i'll start crying..
and trust me, crying makes me feel stupid.. dat's why i cry at my stupidity.. *do i make sense?*

watever.. see, i'm thinking over that incident so much, i could imagine me falling, feeling e humiliation and dat made me wanna cry.. oh boy.. i can be so dumb at times.. even i am amazed.. HAH~!

anyway, i was thinking alot abt perhap's.. haha.. i dunno wat e heck i'm toking but who cares.. *rambles rambles* oki here goes:

i wonder wat would happen if i did certain stuff differently, if i chose differently.. sometimes i'm angry wif myself cos i would accidently hurt others in my attempt to "experiment" wif my life.. life is interesting to me.. *i wonder why* i asked sk dis really dumb qns.. "why is red called red? why cant it be called blue and blue be called yellow?" LOL i have so many qns and i dun really noe where to start..

i wonder if anyone bothered abt dis kinda qns.. hmm.. anyway, i juz find it interesting how life came abt.. i was thinking alot abt dinosaurs in particular.. how did dey die? sk said it's Ice Age.. den i'm lyk, wat's Ice Age? and how did life come abt after Ice Age.. zzz even i'm confused by my own qns.. LOL

if any were to ask me, i would like to be able to turn back time.. to change some things.. but dat's not possible.. so now all i can do is wish.. today is the 3rd.. 17 more days..