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it's easy to see, i've changed my blogskin (again).. but dat's besides the point.. once again, i've saved e chickie/duckie which bestie lyks so much.. so yea.. it's still beside e point..

e main reason i locked my blog, was cos i need time alone.. to think, to sort out my feelings.. and within dis past one wk, i really did sort out my feelings.. i noe it's not rite to avoid everyone but it's e best i could do to keep my mind clear.. not dat i'm implying anyone's a distraction but still..

after 3 mths (round up), it all ended.. juz lyk dat.. he asked why.. and even though i thot abt wat i wanted to say, when i looked at him, everything juz went blank.. and i thot to myself.. no point beating abt the bush.. juz give it to him straight and simple.. and i said it..

all i could say was, i cant be with him.. not when my heart's been occupied by another.. all this while, i've been deceiving myself and everyone else.. i could not do it anymore.. i noe who i really love.. and all i could say is i'm sorry.. i'm sorry i lied to you.. other than that, dere's nth else to say..

i'm eating Mac's Big Breakfast~! Like finally~! =D

bestie showed me this website.. abt horoscopes which i find rather true.. this is the url:

http://fantasyworld.wordpress.com/virgo-women/

i'm gonna share abt virgo women since i am one.. haha.. here's wat i read online..

A Virgo Woman
She will be similar to Leo woman in appearance. She is slim woman, who walks with confident and proud. (yea riiiite) She has an egg shape facial structure, high and round forehead. She likes to look straight as if she is searching. She is not a pretentious type and will always say what she thinks. You will see Virgo woman walks fast. She will try her best to be perfect, to look perfect and to feel perfect even though there is no such perfection. (haha true true~!)

She is very delicate of what and how she dress. She is bright and easily despairs with obstacles. (how true is dis man.. often mistaken as depressed.. lolx) She likes smart guy who will be compatible with her, so if you are a rich dumb guy, you can forget about her right now. She is not a very possessive or jealous person for she expects respect from her love one. (yea man~!)She does not like a part time lover, or a temporary mate.

If she finds her dream man, she will not go away. If she does not like you, she will always keep a certain distant. (get the hint?) Act proper and appropriate is her discipline. She does not like and can not stand bad languages, cursing words or phrase. (this is soo not true~! HAHA) She likes a gentleman who opens the doors for her. She wants to feel protected and when a man taking care of her, she will feel like a complete woman. (which woman doesnt want that~! =p)

She memorizes everything about other people and about herself very well. (oh no.. i have *STM) She can really keep secret; you can trust her on this. (tell me your secrets~!) She likes a refreshing and a mild scent. She is very delicate in maintaining her beauty, so you could see she is seriously picking soap which match and most suit her skin. Do not comment her on this very picky habits, it is her happiness in working full times as a self beautifier.

She is not an innocent angel for sometimes she can be as tough as steel. Even she easily despair, she is not the type to cry over it. She is a shy type, so making speech in front of the room can make her nervous even she walks and talks confidently. She only searches for true love, not just any love. Her love is an ideal one. (this is so true~! perhaps a little off on the love part.. cos i tend to experiment.. =x)

She likes to think no one is neater than and as effective as her, (i am untidy) which can irritate you sometimes for there is no such thing. She likes sweet talk, but she can slip and say something unpredictable and unbearable to you too. When she stops getting mad, she will totally forget what she just said and be an angel again. (HAHA.. this is soo me~!)If you have a date with her, you’d better be there on time. Flowers and sweet word can calm her down.

If you want to say sorry, make it brief and straight forward. Do not drag your apologetic words into a long making it up event; it could lead you to another world war. (self explanantory) She likes her man to dress nice and clean. She is good in details especially with money. Do not make she thinks that she is a clown or funny. In the beginning of knowing her, please try not to glance at other pretty woman so much. (look all you want.. the most i dig your eyes out.. *sweet smile*)

Early period of dating her, try not to hold her so much in public, it would not be a proper thing to do. She loves books, stage play and music and likes to criticize about them too. (books and music maybe.. but not stage play..) Criticism woman is her icon including big and small things in life starting from your hair, your dress, and the way you talk. If you are in love with her, be as almost perfect as you can.

*Short Term Memory

here's my all time fave soccer star~! Fabio Cannavaro~! =D he's hot and he's good~! if you still dunno who he is, here's a pic of him:

haha.. i dunno why am i still blogging when no one has access to my blog but wat ever.. LOL i juz wanted an excuse to not study.. =x thk god bestie cant read dis now.. =p by the time she find out, exams are OVER~! =D

anyway, was listening to some songs.. and wanted to share..

~原来 - 林俊杰
chorus:
原来最疼痛的表情竟是没有情绪
原来最残忍的画面可以甜言蜜语
我不懂得如何更爱你
影子讽刺地跟着我难分难离
原来最孤单的是我还是那么想你
原来最悲哀的是我不能面对自己
你收的干净
我也会不留一点痕迹

~不能说的秘密 - 周杰伦
冷咖啡离开了杯垫
我忍住的情绪在很后面
拼命想挽回的从前
在我脸上依旧清晰可见

最美的不是下雨天
是曾与你躲过雨的屋檐
回忆的画面
在荡着秋千 梦开始不甜

你说把爱渐渐 放下会走更远
又何必去改变 已错过的时间
你用你的指尖 阻止我说再见
想象你在身边 在完全失去之前

你说把爱渐渐 放下会走更远
或许命运的签 只让我们遇见
只让我们相恋 这一季的秋天
飘落后才发现 这幸福的碎片
要我怎么捡

~对你有感觉 - 光良 & 江美琪
我曾深刻体会对爱感到胆怯
还好有懂我的你给我安慰
看你失落的脸又再为爱憔悴
我心痛的感觉竟如此的强烈

眼角的泪它给过谁
伤透了心也无所谓
我会愿意静静地陪在你身边
如果说爱已不可为
那我宁愿藏心里面
其实我害怕会失去你的感觉

怎么会开始对你有了感觉
又深怕朋友默契转身不见
矛盾着犹豫不决没准备
跨越爱的界线

怎么会开始对你有了感觉
深陷朋友恋人之间的危险
进与退被爱包围谁犯规都狼狈
谁能解围让一切完美

怎么会开始对你有了感觉
又深怕朋友默契转身不见
矛盾着犹豫不决没准备
跨越爱的界线

怎么会开始对你有了感觉
深陷朋友恋人之间的危险
你和我拥抱瞬间不后悔这暧昧
星光唯美把爱放心里面

把爱放心里面
把爱放心里面
把爱放心里面

~我可以 - 蔡旻右
寄没有地址的信
这样的情绪有种距离
你放着谁的歌曲
是怎样的心情
能不能说给我听

雨下得好安静
是不是你偷偷在哭泣
幸福真的不容易
在你的背景有我爱你

我可以陪你去看星星
不用再多说明
我就要和你在一起
我不想又再一次和你分离
我多么想每一次的美丽
是因为你

~还是会想他 - 何耀珊
在夜里失眠
在白天沉睡
摆脱回忆跟随

你给我安慰
为我擦干眼泪
不问为何伤悲
我问我自己
心中还藏着谁
你越温柔我就越后悔

我还是会想他
想听他笑我傻
虽然此刻心里充满挣扎

我还是会想他
还会心乱如麻
我承认我还没忘了他

你给我安慰
为我擦干眼泪
不问为何伤悲
我问我自己
心中还藏着谁
你越温柔我就越后悔

我还是会想他
想听他笑我傻
虽然此刻心里充满挣扎

我还是会想他
还会心乱如麻
我承认我还没忘了他

你有他的单纯
也有他的复杂
你的一切让我觉得像他
而我只能装傻
至少你的拥抱很像他

~最近 - 李圣杰
你最近不说话
怎麽了为什麽
是不是有什麽事让你不快乐

听说你最近很孤单
有点乱有点慌
可是我却不能够在你的身旁

你想要的我却不能够给你我全部
我能给的却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭

你常解释这样的一切都只是开始
我觉得是所有的一切早就已结束
不想再约束不要再痛苦
下一次会有更好的情路

爱我却不能给你我全部
我能给的却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭

你常解释这样的一切都只是开始
我觉得是所有的一切早就已结束
不想再约束不要再痛苦
下一次会有更好的情路
这一次我们都能很幸福

i cant believe i did accounts paper for 2 and half hrs.. lolx.. and it's lyk 2 diff papers?? perhaps i could leave early again tml~ after tml, i'm gonna close down my blog.. for a re-vamp.. lolx..

i guess it'll be super unfair to do dis.. but dis is wat i have to do before it's too late.. juz one more wk.. one more wk before it's over.. before i can face myself..

i'm guilty of not studying.. i've been playing maple.. and after dying 4 times, i finally level up.. LOL took me 4 hrs to level.. i guess it's time for me to practise accounts.. den mayb chiong AM and ROM? who noes..

currently my top priorities are studies and maple.. i've even calculated how many PPC i'm going to buy.. alr set aside those things dat i wan to buy.. now all i have to do, is to get pass e papers, buy PPC and chiong.. haha.. it's gonna be e same as last sem.. so cool~ cept dere's a little difference dis sem.. sth i noe which i will miss sorely..

hmm.. 2 days ago, i was chatting wif zx.. lolx.. surprise surprise.. and he told me one thing that made me think alot.. cherish your frenz, cherish those you have.. i agreed.. cos frenz are the ones who made me get dis far.. i've had encouragements all my life.. wat i didnt expect was someone to tell me to change dis and dat cos he wan me to be a better person.. it made me think if i were such a bad person dat i needed someone to come and correct me when my parents didnt do dat.. and i swear, my parents are helluva good parents.. in fact, they are the best i could ever have..

i would say, i lived a fruitful live.. perhaps i did say once dat i lived for others, but now, i supposed i really wan to live for myself.. thus i'm putting studying and my future career (if i have one) as my top priority.. i have to admit, getting married wasnt part of my plan.. having kids (even though i wan to have) wasnt part of my plan too.. i wanted fun and excitement.. but becos of some reason, i settled for a simple life.. who understands wat i gave up.. i looked at all my frenz, dey have their goals and they can pursue it.. i have my goals.. but i forced myself to give up on it..

holidays are approaching.. and as many would noe, esp bestie, i'll most probably be MIA during e hols.. working at my dad's place and in maple world.. i wouldn't wan to go out.. i wouldnt wan to come in contact wif outside world.. last holiday i had, my only contact was bestie.. my best attribute is to not feel anything when i'm cut off from the rest.. cos to me, frenz dun have to meet regularly, or talk often.. as long as they're in your heart, everything's fine..

currently there's one song which spoke to my heart.. here it is..

When There Was Me and You
It's funny when you find yourself
Looking from the outside
I'm standing here but all I want
Is to be over there
Why did I let myself believe
Miracles could happen
Cause now I have to pretend
That I don't really care

I thought you were my fairytale
A dream when I'm not sleeping
A wish upon a star
That's coming true
But everybody else could tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
When there was me and you

I swore I knew the melody
That I heard you singing
And when you smiled
You made me feel
Like I could sing along
But then you went and changed the words
Now my heart is empty
I'm only left with used-to-be's
And once upon a song

Now I know you're not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star
Just don't come true
Cause now even I can tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
Because I liked the view
When there was me and you

I can't believe thatI could be so blind
It's like you were floating
While I was falling
And I didn't mind
Cause I liked the view
Thought you felt it too
When there was me and you


i wonder.. how would ppl feel if they noe wat i thought.. in fact, i have a secret which i cant tell.. cos up till now, i still choose to deceive myself..

zx brightened my day (or rather nite LOL) juz now.. he said i'm beautiful.. dis is e 1st time he praised me.. it's always dis kind of precious comments dat makes a person smile.. i noe he juz made me smile..

i bet sl dunno whether to be jealous or proud of me le.. HAHA dun worry my dear.. u shld be proud of me.. i'll explain why when i see u.. but provided u ask me.. =p

i chose to remain silent.. i chose not to talk abt it.. i chose not to think abt it.. so as to not feel anything.. not to acknowledge anything.. i realised i'm not prepared at all.. not prepared to face watever i'm facing now.. yes, it hurts me.. but i hold on to the belief dat things will be ok.. dat if i tried hard enuf, waited long enuf, all my efforts would be worthwhile.. i guess i'm getting more positive.. cos normally, i would wallow in self pity and mayb be sad.. however now, i chose to be positive and hope for e best.. yes, perhaps once or twice, i wanted to cry.. perhaps once or twice, i feel really lonely.. but all dis is wat everyone went through.. ppl experience all dis at least once in their lives.. so why not do so wif a smile, and feel a whole lot more beta... dat's my take on it.. i've matured, in a certain way.. and for dat, i'm happy..

i might not be prepared.. i might not have expected it.. it happened.. and all i can do, is take it in my stride and hope for e best.. all i wan to say is, i really missed those times.. i really missed us..

well.. apparently i got tagged by manu to do sth.. i'm supposed to write 6 weird facts abt me.. so here goes:

1) i cannot stand messiness other than my room. i will clean and tidy places other than my own bedroom.

2) i cant seem to differentiate dreams from reality or reality from dreams.

3) i enjoy spending one hour in the shower, sitting down and staring into blank space with water pounding on me gently.

4) sugar makes me high to the extend that i'll keep laughing but it doesnt work all the time.

5) my dream job is to be paid for every storybook i've read. all i need to do is hole up in a sofa and read and i get to earn money.

6) even though i read alot, my english still sucks. esp my spelling. =x

6 people i demand to do this..

1. Debbie
2. Ee Hua
3. Toilet
4. Min min
5. Khang Leng
6. Si Liang

~*~

ytd went to watch Secret wif carol, ivan, SL, hua hua, kuku and veggie.. movie was so-so.. i lyk e music though.. after e movie, i had gastric so headed to my aunt's hse for dinner.. she made my favourite dumplings~ =D

it's been a long time since i've tasted it.. my dad can make dumplings too but not as nice as my aunt's!! yum yum~! started playing ard wif my phone and dis is the end result:
super unglam can.. e one on e left is my bro and cousin.. lolx.. middle one is my bro's hand and e idiot on e rite side is of course, me.. LOL

celebrated zh's birthday today.. went to fish & co at terminal 2.. lolx.. took some pics while we were there..
me and db in the toilet~ =.=
me and my dearest "son", benjamin~ =p

my 3 dearest gors~ from left: zh, bc and sk db and her dear Grayson~ =)

it's really fun celebrating someone's birthday at Fish & Co.. cos dey sing dis bday rap which was rather unique though i didnt quite catch wat they were saying.. but it was really funny cos dey asked zh for his name.. and all of us shouted "FISH!" LOL and the staff really thought his name was Fish and shouted to the rest of the ppl in the restaurant, "Everyone, we have a birthday boy by the name of FISH in the house!" major laughters from us cos it was super funny and embarrassing!! HAHA anyway, here are the pics:

the nice and yummy birthday cake~
a happy birthday boy, FISH aka zh~ LOL
blow wind blow.. oh sorry.. i meant, blow CANDLE blow~
cut the cake, i wan to eat~ =D

went Downtown to play pool.. den i'm off to meet my parents for dinner.. on e way to paya lebar, i msged my bro..

me: eh.. dun buy psp lehx.. i heard they coming out wif newer version nxt yr..

bro: whatever.. by then i have ps3 liao =p

me: crazy guy.. i wan e new psp.. muahahaha

bro: hell no.. ps3 FTW!!! (FTW = for the win)

me: i dun care.. e most i save money buy

bro: lol gd wahahaha

me: and you cannot touch

bro: NOOOO!!! I CAN TOUCH!!

me: not letting you touch.. hump

bro: ... loser...

me: you are e loser, not me.. cos you dun get to play.. neh ni neh ni poo poo

bro: >.>

lolx.. oh well.. it's lame but it entertained me on the ride there.. HAHA well.. i guess dere's nth else? hmm.. ciao~

it's been a emotional roller coaster.. everytime, i would wait wif bated breath.. i would hope and hope.. i kept saying "please.." but alas! wat a disappointment..

DHAH DHAH~ WHEN IS E NXT PART OF YOUR STORY?!!? T-T

anyway, juz being curious.. currently i have 2 different stories.. which one would you prefer me to continue?

Remember Me ~Prologue~

She lay there, life slowly seeping out of her. She felt a sense of peace surrounding her, a peace she had never experieced in many years. Once an innocent girl full of laughter, she has now grown to be a woman, wise beyond her age. Reality, harsh it might be, always taught humans to grow up, she was no exception.

Her life was filled with regrets and misery. They worked hand in hand, making her lose hope, rendering her helpless in this society. She embraced Death as he came to claim her. To her, Death was like a long lost relative she had been seeking all her life. Finally, she had found him. Self hate created her desire to end her life. Unconditional love and unrequinted love destroyed her heart and soul.

The center of her world revolved around two men, one whom she loved and one who loved her. They turned her world upside down and changed her. Self destruction. Was it her doing or did the three of them caused it? She was uninterested in the answer for it did not matter to her, not now, not ever. She thought of the events that led to her suicide today. Of the pain, the suffering, the love, the joy and happiness. In the span of 26years, she had experienced everything there is to experience. She had no regrets leaving this world. As she succumbed to eternal slumber, she caught a glimpse of Jayden rushing towards her. Her heart fluttered weakly upon sighting him but stilled as soon as he reached her...

itancpelhgeelinfyonell.. ieonstitoneruttubizujtancpelhgeelinftad.. migeelinfdasngaia.. dnasehtoneerdrofem.. ileeftadsehguttincemffongaia.. higs.. yhwdiduoytupadassworp? nuduoyeontisurthem?

feeling bored.. bought a new pair of shoes today and a new wallet.. sl asked me out today but i cant go out.. so i'm stuck at hm.. i think my gors all go out le.. zzz cos dey online but when i talk to dem, nv reply.. =.= i'm supposed to study OPERA.. but... no mood.. think i go bathe le den watch vcd again ba.. no choice.. no life is lyk dat de..

dis is how it looked lyk when we bought it..
open it up and you see Rui Qi~!! =D

here's his clothes.. dere's 6 of dem in total~ hahaha so fun la!!

so now i'm a happy and contented girl~ =) all thks to a certain someone.. HAHA well guess dat's all for today~

nth of interest today.. juz dat was suddenly interested in my blood group so went to search in my mom's room.. HAHA while i was searching, my bro came to me carrying dis:

he told me he lyk it a lot.. i'm lyk "huh? u wan my Smooth Turtle?!" den he say it's cute.. so ask me whether can give him anot.. HAHA of course i said u can have it.. =) as long as he takes care of it, i'm willing to give it to him.. haha

ohh.. while i was searching through my medical stuff, i came across a pregnancy kit.. and e date was lyk Feb 1989?!?! dat's lyk me! woo hoo!! lolx.. means my mom kept e pregnancy kit for lyk 18yrs? and dere's her urine.. eww... gross.. LOL

and i came across dis:

mind you.. dat's me!! i'm an embryo!!! cool!! haha.. my mom's still looking for my blood group can.. she says dere's a record.. but i dun see any.. lolx..

and my mom even showed me my belly button.. eww... i noe it's a part of me but stilll... >.<>

celebrated van's birthday ytd.. went for dinner at Sakura @ Tampines Safra.. haha.. e price is lyk $26 per adult.. and e food's dere lyk so-so.. basically, i think it's not very worth it ba.. but den again, some of e food were yummy... not a wide variety but dere's still a variety.. lolx.. dunno wat e heck i toking liao..

after dinner, we took out e bday cake and i had to lie dat i smoked cos i asked e waitress for a lighter.. =.= not dat dey believe me.. HAHA though zh DID interrogate me to see whether i got smoke before anot.. cos i lyk noe how to smoke.. LOL

well, i dunno why but i cant seem to upload pics.. so dere wun be any pics!

anyways, after dinner, we headed over to my hse to play mj.. keke.. dere's lyk 5 of us cos zh went hm.. hope he gets well soon.. anyway, so we played mj.. starting was me, van, db and ben.. sk playing maple.. wah.. i lose lyk mad lorx.. really cannot play at my own home sia.. =x den after ben went hm, sk took over.. still ok but i still losing.. only until lyk 1am den i started winning.. LOL we played all e way until 2am.. tired~

only woke up at 11 30 dis morning.. lolx.. ate breakfast den went out wif my mom to e salon.. dyed my hair black again.. now it stinks of chemical.. zzzz anyway, my mom claims my hair doesnt look black enuf.. =.= how black does she wan it to go? i really wonder.. LOL

helped my mom make dumplings today.. actually, my dad prepared e ingredients.. all me and mummy have to do is wrap.. HAHA by e way, it tasted great! =D nth much le.. other than my aunts coming over for dinner and i entertained dem.. LOL dat's all.. i'm feeling lazy.. HAHA

was surfing youtube, listening to songs and all.. decided to search for my favourite song, Count On Me by Whitney Houston.. it's nice and meaningful.. =) anyway, came across dis vid which was beautifully done.. it's about friendship.. after watching it, i feel so blessed.. cos i have a couple of true frenz.. those who understands me inside out, who know wat i'm thinking.. in appreciation of my true frenz (manu, bc, sk, etc), i shall share dis vid wif everyone.. =) enjoy~

hmm.. time for some more reflection... i've noticed dat of e 2 books which i've read and "reviewed", i didnt talk abt e ending.. so far, i've only typed abt my thots halfway through the books.. i guess it's time to complete my thots, and close up these chapters..

Veronika Decides To Die~
recap: http://unspoken-dreamz.blogspot.com/2007/07/was-reading-book.html

well, in e end, Veronika regretted her decision to die.. dis is because, she found love again, in the form of Eduard, a man who lives in his own "reality".. in other words, she found meaning to live again.. however, Veronika was told that she didnt have long to live.. her heart was damaged when she tried to kill herself.. she and Eduard decided to "elope" from e mental hospital dey were in and regarded each day dat Veronika lived as a miracle.. but, here's e catch, Veronika's heart had actually recovered during her stay at e mental hospital.. so yea..

Eleven Minutes~
recap: http://unspoken-dreamz.blogspot.com/2007/07/was-reading-book-titled-eleven-minutes.html