Thursday, July 12, 2007
was reading a book... bestie lent it to me de.. Veronika Decides To Die by Paulo Coelho.. somehow, i felt sth when i read dis book.. i haven finished it yet cos i'm taking my time.. but juz e 1st half of the book already speaks of wat i'm feeling or rather thinking..Two very simple reasons lay behind her decision to die ......... the first reason: everything in her life was the same and, once her youth was gone, it would be downhill all the way, with old age beginning to leave irreversible marks, the onset of illness, the departure of friends. She would gain nothing by continuing to live; indeed, the likelihood of suffering only increased. The second reason ....... Everything was wrong, and she had no way of putting things right - that gave her a sense of complete powerlessness. --> Page 6
"... Why do certain people try to go against the natural order of things, which is to fight for survival whatever happens?" "That's why I was crying," said Veronika. "When I took the pills, I wanted to kill someone I hated. I didn't know that other Veronikas existed inside me, Veronikas I could love." "What makes a person hate themselves?" "Cowardice, perhaps. Or the eternal fear of being wrong, of not doing what others expect..." --> Page 59
She was intransigent about the easy things, as if trying to prove to herself how strong and indifferent she was, when, in fact, she was just a fragile woman ...... She had overcome her minor defects, only to be defeated by matters of fundamental importance. She had managed to appear utterly independent, when she was, in fact, desperately in need of company. ...... she expended most of her energy in trying to behave in accordance with the image she had created of herself. Because of that, she has never had enough energy to be herself, a person who, like everyone else in the world, needed other people in order to be happy. --> Page 60
*** With reference to Paulo Coelho, Veronika Decides To Die ***
the above extracts, esp the 3rd, really expressed wat i'm thinking, wat i'm feeling.. it's almost as if the story was about me rather than Veronika.. but unlike Veronika, i didnt have e courage to kill myself.. not even popping pills.. cos the presense of my family, made me go on.. and i noe in some little corner of my mind, dere's someone out dere, who loves me so much, he'll go mad if i died..