Saturday, May 05, 2007
hmm.. today lessons as per normal.. nth much ba.. juz lectures and tutorials.. lolx.. left immediately after lessons to prepare for bbq..i wld say dis bbq is a success bar a couple of cock-ups.. i gotta defend me and water here.. e bbq is held at pasir ris.. so naturally, we shld buy e food somewhat near so it wld be fresh.. but e problem is, water doesnt live in e East.. so left me.. but i'm at sentosa everyday so i oso cant make sure everything goes smoothly.. but if an apology is wat u guys need, i'll apologise here for any cock-ups or unhappiness for dat matter..
i noe some feel dat paying $14 is not worth it.. but pls keep in mind dat we tried to stick to our budget but if u guys wan gd food, paying a little more wun harm u.. and i gotta say, organising a bbq is not easy.. rather than applaud us for our efforts, if u kept complaining abt dis and dat, all i can say is dat's too bad and i'm disappointed in u.. for a 1st try, i reckon me and water did pretty well.. kudos to sk who helped wif ordering of food.. =)
another thing which i wld lyk to touch on is e grp thingy mentioned at e bbq.. yes, dis is a gathering.. but it does not necessary mean dat everyone has to stick together.. some play cards, while others take a stroll.. it's really a normal thing to do.. dun expect too much from others.. juz take watever is available.. at least dere's still company.. me and water wandered off on our own.. i dunno abt water, but me is cos i'm not interested in card games.. and i wld rather spend my time excercising.. i strolled, cycled and jogged.. (carol darling, i excercised during bbq!!! =D)
ppl have different ways of spending their time.. dun think cos it's a gathering, everyone muz b together.. we are, after all, constructed differently with different mindsets.. some may find joy in cards while some, such as yours truly, prefer strolling.. pasir ris park is such a nice place to stroll and relax.. so y pass up dat relaxation for a stressful card game? dat's my point of view and if i happen to offend anyone, i extend to u my sincere apologies..
i supposed i have to clarify sth here.. i've changed alot in e way i deal with interpersonal relationships.. i've somehow grown not to care or rather, live a life of a recluse(sp?).. one can nv satisfy everyone.. i've learnt dat and now, i somehow juz kept myself in my own world.. frenz wld notice i've become distant.. all i can say is, i'm sorry i cant be e fren u wan me to be.. i'm not lyk 4 yrs ago, worrying myself unnecessarily.. now, i've learnt to protect myself.. in other words, i'm being selfish..
i now tend to keep more to myself.. i've oso mastered e art of concealing my own thots and feelings.. yes, sometimes i might lose control but i have trusted frenz who will be dere for me at ALL times.. lyk today, i wandered off alone to look at e stars.. i noe who worries for me e most now.. and surprisingly, i'm not bothered by those who did not care.. it seems i've matured in my thinking.. =)
rite now, i dun have a goal in life.. yes, ben was rite when he said i have a bright future in hospitality.. but is dat wat i really wan? i've somehow lost dat drive and passion to excel.. getting by one day at a time is already a chore to me.. how do i keep myself away from negativity has always been a huge problem for me.. esp so now.. i'm more prone to negativity dese few days and losing my goal in life made me even more pessimistic..
i noe i can nv continue dis way.. i'm working really hard to stop being pessimistic.. it's really tough but wif e presence of frenz, somehow dey made it easier for me to get by.. i dunno when i'll b ok.. i dunno when i'll be happy.. i only noe dere's only one path and dat path's Forward...