Designer : Noa_Carmen
Software : Adobe
Basecodes: xXx

Please Click here to go to my newest entries.

ytd was fun~ spied on liang's grp as dey did their presentation for BESE.. hahaha.. super funny.. looking forward to their presentation sia.. i promised not to say wat it's abt.. so dun bother asking me.. lolx.. but it's super funny..

waited for hua hua, fion, bin, grace and qy so we can go somerset together.. met up and all of us headed to cine to meet best fren and e rest.. watched POC (it's funny.. but best fren's laughter is even beta =D) e girls, me and liang went to take neoprint while e guys went to linus's hse.. no.. liang did not take neoprint wif us though we were tempted to force him... lolx

ate dinner and went to walk ard at heerens.. den those playful kukus took a vid of me and liang.. so while i was trying to delete e vid from val's phone, she squeezed a spot at my shoulder which shot sharp pain down my arm... ouch... oh well.. btm line is, i didnt get to delete it from her phone.. =x

went to take train hm after dat.. me and liang couldnt get onto e train cos it was packed.. hua hua managed to squeeze in.. she msged me to say she go off 1st.. den she oso said jia you.. i'm lyk =.= not waiting for me.. and i seriously dunno wat she meant by jia you.. anyways, i fell asleep on e train ride back to tm.. haha..

liang was sweet to accompany me back.. thks so much.. lolx.. went hm, bathed and went straight to slp.. yes, i was DAT tired.. dis morning, woke up at 9 45am, washed up and headed to tp to meet liang for study session.. we met at 11.. went to mac.. i ate my brunch.. and tried to study but ended up playing maple on liang's laptop.. liang had a hard time getting me to study.. lolx..

finally settled down to study at 1pm.. but i ended up singing along with e songs being played.. haha.. den we watched youtube.. lolx!! finally finished studying at 5 30pm.. hahaha.. took me over 6 hrs to study 5 lectures.. =.=

liang broke his promise to me.. zzz.. i'm gonna make him pay.. lolx.. be afraid~

i'm kinda bored.. negativity all over.. zzzz.. so sian..... trying to complete accounts... i'll have a hard time passing dis sub... argh... has today been a good day?? i dunno man.. juz noe dat i bought an exercise ball and a packet of nutx for president... and i'm seriously bored.. guess i'll juz finish up my accounts and read storybook le.. boring day...

aiya.. so many ppl update blog le.. dumb dumb cannot lazy liao.. haha.. so blog a little ba..

wkend was.... i dun have a word to describe it.. say happy, oso not very happy.. but say sad, oso not very sad.. so i guess is somewhere in between ba.. cos alot of things happened over e wkend.. not to me.. but to my frenz.. made me feel really helpless when i realise i cant do anything to hlp.. i juz wish everything will be ok soon~

i am currently living my life and loving every second of it.. dun ask me y.. juz certain stuff made me much more positive and happier.. yea yea.. i hear sniggers all over.. =.= i dare to post big big.. A CERTAIN SOMEONE MADE MY LIFE MORE WORTHWHILE! lolx.. dere! i've said it.. >.< now i hear outright laughters... =x oh well... i nv say who dat certain someone is.. it's up to ur imagination.. lolx

projects are driving me crazy.. it's lyk so many.. den i realise i did sth wrong when i went for consultation today.. i nearly killed myself man.. zzzz.. thank god entre was ok.. lolx.. not much changes.. finally submitted AM report.. den came a shaolin thingy.. omg.. why shaolin... zzzz.. i mustn't complain cos i'm not e one doing e most work.. =x

dere's dis description of a very fortunate woman.. 幸福小女人.. will i ever be described as dat?? haha.. all i can do is wait and see..

here's e zoo outing vid.. been trying to upload it for days.. hope dis works...




and here's the vid which i have been doing since last nite.. dis is specially for the kukus.. dis is my 1st time doing dis so dun mind it if it's not very nice.. =x enjoy~

today's a day filled wif mixed feelings.. =x can be spilt into two parts i suppose.. 1st part was unhappy and fed up, 2nd part was cool and exciting..

morning came to sch, jo told me how kelly wasnt playing basketball.. den he talked to me abt his injury, how hua hua was afraid of e ball.. and a lot of problems.. somehow makes me feel very helpless.. cos i cant hlp as i have SA at nite.. haiz.. and it kinda spoilt my day.. made me feel guilty for not helping dem play.. it's bad enuf dat i cant play.. dun make me feel worse by telling me problems which i cant solve.. it's not as if i wanted things to turn out dis way..

however, e 2nd part of the day made me really happy.. it's enriching and i've learnt alot.. met best fren and went over to Booze Wine Shop.. it was cool can!! i mean really COOL.. no wonder i'm told to bring blazer la.. it's a wine shop and dere's a wide variety of wines dere.. i'm told e standard temp for red wine is 12 degree.. so u noe how cool it is in dere.. ahaha.. me and manu's job is to help pour wine to guests.. keke.. so fun lorx.. made me glad dat i didnt go to basketball..

i had fun pouring wine.. and i oso got to drink it!!! e wine is from yarra yarra.. it's an australian brand.. keke.. dere's 3 types for tasting.. dere's cabernet, syrah and the yarra yarra.. cabernet is sweet.. syrah's spicy.. the yarra yarra has a stronger taste but it's kinda lyk cabernet.. i personally prefer cabernet.. it's sweet and i can taste e sweetness of the grape in it..

i think i wld lyk to go for more of such events cos it really broadened my horizon regarding wine.. =) eunice was wif me and manu today.. she told us abt her experience and her knowledge of wine.. keke.. after we packed up, we went off to dinner.. toked and ate.. haha.. den we went hm...

shared wif eunice abt some stuff.. mainly wat i wan to do.. and how things were in lrm.. she told me abt dis CDS called public speaking.. i'm thinking if i shld take up dis CDS.. seeing dat i really need to be exposed to this kinda stuff.. i might as well spend one sem speaking in front of a crowd.. =.= see how ba.. ahaha

on a personal note.. APEL lesson was interesting today...

today my bag broke.. =.= so i had to buy a new bag.. which i got from zinc.. not bad.. i lyk.. =) it took me quite some time to buy e bag cos we went to diff shops to look for a good one.. haha.. ended up buying e bag which i was eyeing rite from e start.. =x

before dat, went to luge wif manu, carol, ivan, linus, dhah and liang.. dey bully me and liang.. >.< den during e luge, me and linus buang.. lolx! damn funny la.. i'm supposed to turn left but somehow i went rite.. =.=

afterwhich, headed to vivo to buy some stuff and my bag.. i didnt go back to tp after all due to some circumstances.. sry to kimberly but i have thought up of a game for e camp.. oh yea.. i've got a laptop bag.. *thks thks*

went to secret recipe wif manu, carol and dhah to have some cake.. chatted abt a lot of stuff.. lolx.. ate mini burgers and letters hash browns.. e things we toked abt was interesting.. lolx..

went back to tampines to meet sk and zh for dinner.. ate and toked.. juz came hm.. super tired.. super sleepy.. but gotta hang on for e sake of project.. juz finish it and it's sweet dreams to me.. jia you jia you~

dere's a "ubi showdown" going on rite now.. =.= yea well.. i bet i'll still be awake after e showdown.. zoo outing's video is out.. those who wan it, contact me.. i'll try to post it up on e net.. when i find out how to do it.. =.=

well.. i'm off to projects.. intro to leisure and recreation makes me confused..

been blog-hopping juz now.. *hops hops* =.= anyways, reading some of my frenz' blogs made me rmb wat carol told me dat day.. she asked me to think of my other frenz' situations and think of my own situation.. compare me to e others, i'm actually very fortunate.. she said i will be really stupid if i gave it up..

personally i feel dat i'm a lucky and blessed person.. wat have i done to deserve all dis, i'll nv noe.. all i noe is i muz treasure wat i have now and not make e same mistakes i've made in e past.. i'm a fortunate girl.. i noe dat.. i wish to be e happiest girl.. haha.. will u make my wish come true? haha.. *qns is random and directed at anyone =)

hua hua asked me to think wat i wld wan to do if i had only a limited time left on dis world.. dis qns made me realise dat time waits for no one.. and dat i shld grab hold of whichever opportunities dat come my way.. yea.. somehow hua hua's words made me a little smarter.. haha

i realised i have great frenz ard me.. who encourage me when i'm in doubt.. who lend me helping hands when i need dem.. who give me advice when i'm confused.. juz all dis have made me a very fortunate girl..

in life, one shld have trusted frenz.. those who will help u and b there for u.. it makes life easier and much more fulfilling..

i'm supposed to be doing AM report now.. but i fell asleep juz now... =.= now i'm stuck at recommendations which is e last part of the report.. and here i am, blogging away.. zzzz.. liang is still doing i think.. his report is twice as long as mine la.. mayb even longer... i really dunno how he does it man.. i seriously dun..

guess i shall head back to finish up my report.. ciao

today went to e zoo!!! yea!!! hahahaha.. so fun can... met ivan and sl for breakfast dis morning.. some ppl say i bo jio.. oops.. >.< anyways, met kev, kuku, judy and waited for hua hua and her dad.. keke.. we taking lorry lorx.. so fun~ e lorry ride was cool la.. took some videos.. haha.. super funny de.. will post it up once sl edits it.. picked fion up at hougang and off we went to mandai(sp?)!! saw alot of animals, took alot of pics and videos.. hahaha.. den end up my camera no batt wor.. zzz so couldnt take much video le.. watched animal show.. not bad.. haha aiyo.. i really dunno how to update lehx.. so many things happened.. most are funny de.. but hor.. i dunno how to put dem into words.. =x so juz wait for e video.. hahaha headed to ivan's hse to play mj.. keke.. we taught judy and sl how to play mj.. not bad lehx.. both of dem won money.. haha.. went down for dinner.. sl went hm to eat.. so left me, hua hua, carol, ivan and best fren.. toked and ate.. ivan treated us cos he felt bad for not being able to drive us hm.. lolx.. THANK YOU IVAN!

i msged him.. and he said to me, "this is ur chance.. grab it.. i'm happy for u.." wat more can i say? he juz set me free..

ZOO!! ZOO!! ZOOOOOOOO~~ =D

Woo wheee!! Nancy Drew's coming to the cinemas on 21st June!! those who love Nancy Drew pls do take note!! =D i'm so glad dey made a Nancy Drew movie.. i'll b watching it for sure.. even if it meant watching e movie alone.. hahaha.. anyone wan to watch Nancy Drew wif me? it's seriously will b a good movie alrite.. cos it's Nancy Drew!! hahaha.. i believe dis movie will have a good story plot.. hey, if it's not good, i wldnt read Nancy Drew books alrite.. lolx.. i have 10 Nancy Drew storybooks, 7 Hardy Boys storybooks and 6 Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys series!!! keke can say dat i'm a HUGE fan ba.. =p i used to go to e lib to borrow Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys books.. but now dun have le.. lolx..

anyway, for more info on Nancy Drew movie, head over to www.nancydrewmovie.co.uk

dere's wallpapers, posters.. hahaha... btw, Max Thieriot is cute!!!!! he's e guy playing Ned Nickerson, Nancy's boyfriend.. =D

人生就是这样 有时出太阳 有时刮大风下大雨 但一切都会过去 没什么大不了

as i blog now, president's happily "exploring" his brand new toilet which i bought for him today.. =D i couldnt find e bowl which i used for my previous hamsters.. apparently, my mom gave all e stuff away.. so i have to buy e things all over again.. =.=

president has not been bathing for lyk 2 days.. so i thot it wld b best to buy him a "toilet" so dat he can bathe and be clean.. haha.. after buying e toilet, i'm broke.. =s it's kinda fun having to scrimp and save juz to provide for president.. haha.. makes me feel so responsible.. =D and yes, i'll give only e best to my baby.. keke.. cos he's dat impt to me..

gotta clean his cage tml cos i'll b heading off to e zoo on sun.. zoo!!! i'm so excited la.. though it's for AM's field assignment, i'm still excited.. =) i lyk going to e zoo.. haha.. i'm gonna make most of my time dere.. keke.. so so so so so so happy! since president came into my life, things have been great for me!!! president's my lucky star~

i'll most probably be going on and on abt my dear president dat i love so so so much! haha.. so pls bear wif me cos it's really been some time dat i have someone/thing to care for.. lolx.. president is so fat la! i noticed dat ytd.. i think it's cos he eats alot but excerise little.. aiyo.. later become fat fat lyk me.. =x

well, i gotta go prepare for my interview wif SL le.. haha.. i'm interviewing him for LRM's unofficial website.. so ppl, look out for news on LRM alrite!

presenting to u...................................................



my baby, PRESIDENT!! some might argue dat it's president LL but i still prefer calling him president.. lolx..

now.. how did he come abt.. believe it or not, i bought him ytd.. or rather, SL bought him for me while i bought the cage and other necessities.. =x thank you SL so so so much for giving me the joy of my life.. =D i noe by saying dis, my kukus will shout, "scandal!" but seriously, i'm really grateful he bought president for me.. cos now, i have a baby!

ytd, me carol ivan and kevin went to pet safari at vivo to look at dogs.. carol found her dream dog.. me too.. =D but i cannot rear dogs cos my bro sensitive.. keke.. den after sch, i dragged best fren, dhah, kev and SL to see dogs again.. haha.. cos of "my" bulldog.. =p

den i went to look at hamsters.. and i was lyk, "i wan...." den SL said sth lyk, "i buy for u la.. den u buy other things." my reaction was O.o serious?? and he gave me lyk dat very serious look of his.. so i juz called my parents, got permission and viola!!! i bought my baby.. =D

i named my hamster President cos SL bought it for me and he's e president of the LRM IG.. keke.. muz take really good care of him cos it's a gift.. haha.. but even if i bought him myself, i wld oso take extra care of it..

having president hlped take my mind off unhappy stuff.. and it made my life much fuller.. at least now i'm contented.. and according to e shopkeeper, president can live for 2 yrs.. so he'll keep me company.. =) 2 yrs is juz a nice time.. 2 yrs later, all my insecurities, all my ans will b clear to me.. 2 yrs from now, i will have my future..

i am currently sitting under a tree during winter.. i'm juz waiting for a spring to come.. a spring which allows all flowers to bloom beautifully again.. a spring to bring back my genuine smile.. (quoted from the flower in the garden =p)

it's rather true.. i noe somewhere out dere, dere's dis someone who'll bring my spring back to me.. so i'll juz wait.. cos when spring comes, dat's when my beautiful dream will start.. i'm giving myself 2yrs to get my life straight.. and if i can get my life straight.... screw it den.. >.<

well.. i shall not make dis a sad post.. haha.. my dear president is soo quiet.. last nite he's hyper active.. i wonder if he's alrite.. =x wat if he's sick??? omg... i'm worried... he's hiding in one corner la.. either he's scared or he's juz plain lazy to move.. =.= i hope it's e latter.. but if he's lazy, wldnt he be lyk me??? hahaha.. lyk mummy, lyk son.. =p ben ar ben.. u've got a younger brother!!

haha.. well.. i'm off to play wif president.. or rather, i'm off to get him to move.. >.< ciao~

blogger has a super big problem thus making it suck.. i shall update another day abt ytd..

i've regretted many things in my life.. e things i've done, e decisions i made.. i've regretted a lot.. i regretted allowing things to get to dat stage.. dat even simple frenz find it hard to confide in one another.. i noe e main problem lies wif me.. me being so indecisive on wat i wan.. and when i noe wat i wan, it's all too late cos i've lost it..


reading db's blog, i cant hlp thinking why things have gotten to dis stage.. and no, i'm not one e ppl who gossiped.. but whether she believes it or not, i dunno.. i wldnt get all emo and all.. i wldnt cry and all.. but somehow, dere's dis thick wall of glass between us.. where we can see each other but not clearly.. i dunno how dis wall came up..


4 yrs is alot of memories.. and too much drama.. mayb it's e drama which created dat glass wall ba.. for me, i juz wan a simple life.. and i sort of associated e frenship as e cause of e drama.. dat's when i started drifting away.. me and db are so much alike.. stubborn, rash, mayb even hot-tempered.. mayb dat's y e 2 of us are always arguing and all..


i can sense dat things are different now.. in e past, when we argued, we would call and trash things out.. but now, none of us bothered to call.. me, cos i'm afraid of losing her as a fren.. her, i dunno.. i guess she doesnt care le.. which is rather true ba... i wldnt call us e best of frenz now.. but last time, we were inseparable.. but wat's e use of holding on to e past.. sigh.. i guess both of us are tired of constantly trashing things out.. come to think of it, it's really stupid la.. where do we get all those stuff to trash out i oso dunno.. it juz appeared.. =.=


but i guess it's best now ba.. i mean, even if we were to meet now and talk, i really cant think of anything to say.. we now live 2 different lives.. unknowingly, we chose different paths and things started spiralling(sp?) out of control.. den me being e lazy one, i juz let go.. i juz detached myself from dis frenship... i thot things wld be better dis way...


but one underestimates e power of memories.. every joyous beat of my heart, every drop of blood from my heart, it all came from e memories.. joy and sadness.. laughters and tears.. unlike db, i didnt rmb her 1st gift to me.. dat's wat a lousy fren i am.. unlike her, e past 4 yrs have been a blur to me.. it's as if i've nv been dere.. it's not dat i dun care.. but i really cant rmb.. and no matter how i try, i juz cant rmb.. my most recent memory was when i broke down last yr and called her.. and she consoled(sp?) me.. and now i realise i've lost another listening ear..


i'm feeling so damn tired.. unlike db, i dun have a guy to turn to.. haha.. yes, i'm a little jealous of her.. but i'm juz not suitable for relationships ba.. cos i'm crazy and weird.. it gets lonely at nite.. but i'm not going to be pathetic here.. blame me for not treasuring wat i have.. lol


dese few days, i dun lyk going hm.. sth brought out e wild child in me.. all i wan is to stay out.. and do nth.. =.= and once in a while, i'll juz call my parents and say i'm going hm late.. den loiter ard outside.. sk noe abt dis so whenever he's wif me, he will send me hm all e way to my doorstep.. cos e min i step into my hse, i cant get out until e nxt day.. almost lyk jail sia... =.=


things will nv b e same le.. i've become so much more open dat i didnt care wat ppl think of me.. e worse ppl thot of me, e beta.. cos dis way, i cant disappoint.. i absolutely hate it when ppl tell me, "i'm disappointed in you." makes me so damned miserable..


i dun rmb words, i dun rmb events.. but i'll nv forget emotions.. dat's e kind of fren i am.. so leave me if you wan.. but if u stay, dun expect too much from me.. cos i cant b who you wan me to be..

today's manu's birthday!! happy birthday girl!!!! muackz!!


we celebrated her birthday on fri.. cos today is mother's day.. haha.. so... we gave her a surprise.. =) i'm supposed to bring manu over to orchard swenson.. sooo i met her in sch cos she had IG recruitment.. and e 1k04 ppl, mainly silas, brandon, raphael, cindy, shirley and wan ting waited along wif me.. haha.. cos dey are tagging along to celebrate manu's birthday too.. =D


edwin and max were supposed to meet us too but according to silas, dey went to cut hair so will b meeting us later.. carol and e rest were already at orchard waiting for us.. e plan was for me and manu to reach dere at 7 30 but e IG recruitment thingy went on until 7 30.. =.= so we had to cab down.. lolx.. i told manu i had to go swenson to check whether can make booking for mother's day.. dat's how i "tricked" her to go swenson..


e kukus were sitting outside.. so dey were quite visible.. but for some reason, manu did not see dem... =.= so i took her hand and said, "come manu, i show you sth.." lolx.. she was quite surprised to see carol dey all la.. hahaha!! and e 1k04 peeps were following behind us.. everyone started singing and manu get to blow e candles which would relight.. HAHA so funny..


den everyone sat down and ordered food.. cindy dey all were broke so dey only ate ice cream.. and while we were eating, e 1k04 ppl started playing "zhong ji mi ma"... =.= e drink was pretty disgusting.. water+mango tea+chilli+tomato... wth man... haha.. and when edwin, nas(sp?) and max came, dey tried to trick dem into drinking e "fruit punch"... =.=


dey also made e "special" drink for me and manu.. knowing dat manu didnt lyk e drink, i poured most into my cup.. so manu only has one or two mouthful while i had half a cup.. hahaha.. but it tasted ok la.. except when i laughed and e thing went up my windpipe.. =.= dat feeling sux...


when everyone finished eating, we paid bill and left.. took a group pic and headed for home~


went hm, bathed and watched tv while waiting for my hair to dry.. sat morning has mentoring post recruitment drive.. zzz.. muz wake up early de.. while watching tv, e host said sth which is very true.. "it's easy to fall in love but staying together is difficult." true aye? for me, i guess it's true ba.. yes, you love dat person but dat doesnt mean you can LIVE wif dat person.. 想通了..


ytd woke up early to go mentoring.. i manned e com again.. haha.. zuhairi say i can pursue a career in dis liao.. keke.. e event went ok la.. but e turnover was..... and only 6 ppl chose tccc... so sad.... =(


had contacts 07 meeting.. den found out my role changed from F&B to logistics.. lolx.. now i have to find 4 ppl to help me.. =x go where find... jiu ming ar... lolx... went for mentoring session after dat.. jessica made me a keychain cos i said it looked pretty.. =) so happy~ played games and all.. den all fun had to end.. cos e losers have to do a forfeit but some think dat it's unfair so it kinda led to some unhappiness.. oh well.. dere's both good and bad things in life...


i oso found out dat i'm e assistant organiser for mentoring camp.. oh man.. going to be busy le... gotta do my best~ dat's all.. ciao~ Happy Mothers' Day

went to gym today wif carol, hua hua and val.. hahaa.. i'm so proud of myself can... i jogged for 16mins without stopping!!! hahaha!!! but den again.. i'm jogging very slowly... i only jogged lyk 1.8km... not bad for a 1st...


den did other workouts but only for lyk 5 - 10mins... some problems wif my shoulder... keke.. i weigh a whopping 52kg la!!!!! so fat rite!!!!! OMG.... every wk muz go gym le... dun care... muz lose weight!!!!! ROAR~


took a cab down from hougang cos i thot my dad told me dat my mom's sick... =.= some miscommunication dere.. he juz meant my mom wan to buy med for e throat.. kaoz... 11bucks fly away for nth... anyways, e min i got into e cab, e driver kept toking to me... from hougang all e way to paya lebar... but one thing he said really struck me...


sometimes in life, dere's unhappy stuff.. and yes, it's difficult to forget.. but nv spend your time thinking abt it... it'll only make u more miserable.. all along, i knew dat... but somehow, i didnt think it wld apply to me ba...


lyk wat sk said, r/s cannot b rushed... i noe dat.. so y do i spend my days miserable when i can b cheerful and happy? i cant hlp hating myself for being constantly melodramatic... i guess i really shld go back to e qr who's e clown of e grp, cheering everyone up...


somehow, my conversation has gotten out of hand wif sk... i told him i have a secret mission of going ard e world to practice safe sex with diff ppl... =.= i noe it sounds crazy but dun u think it wld b rather exciting? i mean, who have ever aspired to b a .... i dunno wat word to describe... ahahaha


see... i've already plan wat my life will b le if my current life doesnt work out... providing sex to others can b considered a "noble" act cos... erm... ahahahaha.. cant think of a reason.. ok.. i'm juz gonna do it for fun.. =p


i say.. i really muz be crazy.. but den again, i'm in leisure and resort management!!!! aint sex a part of leisure?? hahahahaha a kinda desperate argument... keke.. i'm kinda high now... ahhhh... e nite.. it brings e wild child out... HAHAHAHA


i really muz stop... it's getting late.. hahaha.. "stay tuned for more outrageous aspiration!"


*e above entry is posted totally out of boredom(sp?) and shld not be taken seriously. as u can see, e author is obviously out of her mind*


因为觉得值得， 所以喜欢你
因为喜欢你， 所以才会选择等待

i noe i haven been cheerful for e past few wks.. and i cant hlp feeling dat way.. but dere is one thing dat nv fails to cheer me up and dat is piggy-back.. hahaha.. i lyk being carried "piggy-style" by my gors.. namely bc and sk.. i trust dem not to drop me la.. i oso dunno y i feel so happy when piggy-backed.. it's lyk super fun to me.. and i'll be squealing with laughter in no time..


but being piggy-backed is rather tiring.. in sk's words, i'm lyk a slime dat keeps sliding down.. hahaha.. so dey have to keep pushing me up lest i fall to e ground... haha.. so funny.. bc thinks he shld piggy-back me more.. he says dere's benefits.. 1stly, it brightens me up.. 2ndly, it trains his arm cos i'm rather heavy.. =.= i dunno whether i shld be happy or not.. haha


tml going to gym with my kuku darlings.. gonna slim down.. getting too fat le.. haiz.. muz jian!!! i'm gonna go gym with dem every wk...


my feelings are currently unstable.. but one thing is for sure.. i wld hold on until i could no longer hold on.. i wld love until i could no longer love.. and i wld wait until i could wait no longer.. mayb ppl will say i'm stupid.. mayb ppl will say i'm sentimental.. but to me, it's juz my way to say i've matured..

hmm.. today lessons as per normal.. nth much ba.. juz lectures and tutorials.. lolx.. left immediately after lessons to prepare for bbq..


i wld say dis bbq is a success bar a couple of cock-ups.. i gotta defend me and water here.. e bbq is held at pasir ris.. so naturally, we shld buy e food somewhat near so it wld be fresh.. but e problem is, water doesnt live in e East.. so left me.. but i'm at sentosa everyday so i oso cant make sure everything goes smoothly.. but if an apology is wat u guys need, i'll apologise here for any cock-ups or unhappiness for dat matter..


i noe some feel dat paying $14 is not worth it.. but pls keep in mind dat we tried to stick to our budget but if u guys wan gd food, paying a little more wun harm u.. and i gotta say, organising a bbq is not easy.. rather than applaud us for our efforts, if u kept complaining abt dis and dat, all i can say is dat's too bad and i'm disappointed in u.. for a 1st try, i reckon me and water did pretty well.. kudos to sk who helped wif ordering of food.. =)


another thing which i wld lyk to touch on is e grp thingy mentioned at e bbq.. yes, dis is a gathering.. but it does not necessary mean dat everyone has to stick together.. some play cards, while others take a stroll.. it's really a normal thing to do.. dun expect too much from others.. juz take watever is available.. at least dere's still company.. me and water wandered off on our own.. i dunno abt water, but me is cos i'm not interested in card games.. and i wld rather spend my time excercising.. i strolled, cycled and jogged.. (carol darling, i excercised during bbq!!! =D)


ppl have different ways of spending their time.. dun think cos it's a gathering, everyone muz b together.. we are, after all, constructed differently with different mindsets.. some may find joy in cards while some, such as yours truly, prefer strolling.. pasir ris park is such a nice place to stroll and relax.. so y pass up dat relaxation for a stressful card game? dat's my point of view and if i happen to offend anyone, i extend to u my sincere apologies..


i supposed i have to clarify sth here.. i've changed alot in e way i deal with interpersonal relationships.. i've somehow grown not to care or rather, live a life of a recluse(sp?).. one can nv satisfy everyone.. i've learnt dat and now, i somehow juz kept myself in my own world.. frenz wld notice i've become distant.. all i can say is, i'm sorry i cant be e fren u wan me to be.. i'm not lyk 4 yrs ago, worrying myself unnecessarily.. now, i've learnt to protect myself.. in other words, i'm being selfish..


i now tend to keep more to myself.. i've oso mastered e art of concealing my own thots and feelings.. yes, sometimes i might lose control but i have trusted frenz who will be dere for me at ALL times.. lyk today, i wandered off alone to look at e stars.. i noe who worries for me e most now.. and surprisingly, i'm not bothered by those who did not care.. it seems i've matured in my thinking.. =)


rite now, i dun have a goal in life.. yes, ben was rite when he said i have a bright future in hospitality.. but is dat wat i really wan? i've somehow lost dat drive and passion to excel.. getting by one day at a time is already a chore to me.. how do i keep myself away from negativity has always been a huge problem for me.. esp so now.. i'm more prone to negativity dese few days and losing my goal in life made me even more pessimistic..


i noe i can nv continue dis way.. i'm working really hard to stop being pessimistic.. it's really tough but wif e presence of frenz, somehow dey made it easier for me to get by.. i dunno when i'll b ok.. i dunno when i'll be happy.. i only noe dere's only one path and dat path's Forward...