Wednesday, April 05, 2006
wat is wrong wif me? dat's e qns i've been asking myself.. even now, i'm still asking.. it seemed dat i've changed a lot.. frm being e "sunshine" girl to dis.. freak now.. it's really scary.. how a person can have so much in her.. and all dis hatred.. it's not even directed at anyone.. wen is all dis hatred going to leave me alone? i supposed most of my hatred are directed at myself.. i hate myself so much dat i dun think it's possible for ppl to actually wan to noe me.. i started to push everything and everyone away.. one or two ppl might come and ask me wat is wrong wif me.. but e rest seemed to b more concerned abt my attitude.. haiz.. i dunno le la.. sometimes i wld really think dat my attitude rite now, really wld push ppl away.. all i ever wanted to say was, y keep saying i've changed? y keep forcing me to listen to ur talk? none of u noe dat e way u ppl tell me wat i shld do or shldn't do is making me hate myself more and more.. esp bc and sq.. db juz made me inferior.. but e two of dem really made me hate myself.. not dat i blame anyone of dem.. mayb it's juz me ba.. or mayb, i really m dat kind of person where i can b deeply affected by wat ppl say... wen ppl correct me, i dun hate dem.. i hate myself.. even now, i kept hating and hating.. it nv ends.. it's almost lyk a cycle.. it seemed dat i'm really being very harsh to myself.. wen i do sth rite, ppl praise me but i told myself it's only luck.. however, wen i did sth wrong, i wld reprimand myself more than others do.. and sooner or later, i wld self-destruct ba.. i cannot tolerate any mistakes on my part.. i'm a virgo.. and virgos are perfectionists.. i supposed dat's how i am.. i hated apologising.. but i wld always force myself to do e things i hated juz as a way to punish myself.. u think it's easy for me to say sry? has anyone thot of how much pain i gave myself juz by saying sry.. all my life, i've been forcing myself.. to meet e expectation of others, of my parents and even of myself.. my whole life is crafted out e way it is juz by how others wld wan me to b.. i dunno wat's rite and wat's wrong.. all i noe is i've forced myself to e point dat i could not take it any longer.. stop talking to me and for once hear me speak.. but den, who wld listen??
Introduction
“I have often been downcast, but never in despair;
I regard our hiding as a dangerous adventure,
romantic and interesting at the same time.
In my diary I treat all the privations as amusing.
I have made up my mind now to lead a different life from other girls and,
later on, different from ordinary housewives. My start has been so very full of interest,
and that is the sole reason why I have to laugh at the humorous side of the most dangerous moments.”
.
Me
BabyQR
I don't think there's anything wrong with my name.
If you think you know me, read my blog and think again.
I'm imperfect and I'm Lovin' It.
I'm the only witness and the only person who can judge my life.
This is my blog so Click here if you hate it.
Wishes
To have a future
New phone
New laptop~
To be with him
Travel around
To be with him and have a future~
Past
♥ March 2006
♥ April 2006
♥ May 2006
♥ June 2006
♥ July 2006
♥ August 2006
♥ September 2006
♥ October 2006
♥ November 2006
♥ December 2006
♥ January 2007
♥ February 2007
♥ March 2007
♥ April 2007
♥ May 2007
♥ June 2007
♥ July 2007
♥ August 2007
♥ September 2007
♥ October 2007
♥ November 2007
♥ December 2007
♥ January 2008
♥ February 2008
♥ March 2008
♥ April 2008