Tuesday, April 04, 2006
hmm.. i was surfing e net last nite and i came across a jap song which hit me real deep.. no, i dun understand japanese.. i found e eng translation.. and i really hope dat someone wld juz come along and say those words to me.. juz say i wld say them to db at some point of time.. here are e words..***************************************************************************************
Injured with pain and sadness, the you that cannot be healed
Shoulder the burden of the past that cannot be erased; don't throw away your will to live
Your hand that I held...
Will we lose it someday?I want to protect you and that disappearing smile
The ringing voice that calls me dries out
Even if it gets erased by the wind along timeI will find you
Injured with pain and sadness, the you that cannot be healed
Don't say words like you can't smile or you hate people
Everything that happens in the unseen future has a meaning
So stay like this, there'll come a time when you will realize
Like a rusted person
It felt so hollow to just pile atop one another
You said you could live on your own
Just with the usual kind words
You ache to a point where I cannot reach you
Your hand that I held searched for some simple kindness
Do you remember
By learning pain, you can become a person who can be kind to others
Drive your Life
Injured with pain and sadness, the you that cannot be healed
Don't say words like you can't smile or you hate people
Everything that happens in the unseen future has a meaning
So stay like this, there'll come a time when you will realize
How can I see the meaning of life
Disappearing, you're the only. . .
So you will not break, you distance yourself from me
Don't say words like you can't smile or you hate people
Now it's by and by, even if you cannot see, there's a meaning to everything
Shoulder the burden of the past that cannot be erased; don't throw away your will to live
You'd better forget everything. Remember. . . your different Life?
You'd better forget everything. Remember. . . though, we cannot return
Like in times of warped memories, we can understand someday
*************************************************************************************
dere's a lot dat i wan to say but dere's so little time.. ytd, ben approached me for e 1st time.. u ppl might find it a surprise.. i supposed u juz assumed dat he always approaches me.. but no, he approached me for e 1st time ytd.. and wat he told me ytd already showed me dat he has completely given up.. on db.. ytd, he told me dat bc told db some stuff.. i dunno wat.. but i supposed it is enuff to make db leave out ben ba.. and i believe dat wat bc told db most probably is abt me.. and i believe dat bc thinks dat he noes me very well.. bc thinks dat he noes me more than ben does.. den i'm very sry to burst his bubble.. cos bc does not even noe wat i'm thinking now.. to bc, u keep saying dat ben is e one complicating things between me and db.. but do u noe dat rite now, u're e one complicating everything? it has already come to a point whereby i really dun trust u.. cos e simple reason is u put db top priority and everything i said abt db, u wld tell her.. and i oso believe dat u wld add in ur so called assumptions.. on fri, i said wat i said on purpose.. cos i really wanted to see how much i can trust u.. but u seriously disappoint me.. cos juz as i predicted, u went to tell db.. dun think dat ur assumptions are always rite.. cos wen it comes to me, u're always wrong.. i always do unexpected things.. so how can ur assumptions work on me? sometimes, i even find ur assumptions rubbish and i cant belive dat u can say it so matter-of-factly.. i keep telling u to stop being bias towards ben.. u nv listen.. i oso rmb telling u.. between me and db, dun be so obvious in siding db.. i'm oso ur mei.. but u nv listen.. everytime i go oout wif u, it's always db dis, db dat.. even if u're not sick of saying her name, i'm sick of listening to u.. u've ruined everything.. do u noe dat? my trust in u.. u've ruined it..
to db.. i can only ask u one thing.. do u really trust bc dat much? yes, i noe he wldn't lie to u.. but r u sure everything he says r facts? or do u thinku shld juz ask e person directly involved? u keep saying dat u're tired of asking for things.. i'm oso tired.. u can say in ur blog dat dere's a problem but u nv approach me to discuss abt it.. it's always me who approaches u.. do u noe how tired i am of doing dat? it's always e same pattern.. wen dere's a problem between us, u wld stick to van or bc dey all and pretend dat i dun exist.. u wld juz wait for me to approach u or only take actions wen i'm leaving u.. i always keep thinking.. wat happened to those happy days.. it's all gone.. do u place e guys in higher priority than me? if dat is so, do u still need me as a fren? to tell e truth, after i read ur blog, i wrote sth in reply.. i was going to gif it to u ytd.. but den ben approached me.. den i decided to put e letter on hold cos i see u running again.. to tell e truth, i'm a little angry at u for trying to run away frm e problem.. i always do things for a reason.. for everything i do, i wld predict e reactions of everyone.. sometimes i'm wrong but most of e time, i'm rite.. it's almost lyk a game to me.. everytime i tell myself if u could prove me wrong juz one more time, i wld stop playing dis game, u always prove me rite.. i'm sick of being rite liao.. i wld nv really understand y u wld rather go to bc than come to me wen u feel dat dere's a problem between us.. bc is not me.. dun forget dat i told u and ben most of my things.. i nv told bc much.. dat's y i dun understand y u wld ask for bc's opinion.. cos he wld nv lie to u? but if wat he told u r not facts, isn't it akin to lying? cos it's an untruth.. mayb not lying.. more lyk he dun understand.. i think e reason u approach bc is becos u can talk to him at nite rite.. discuss it wif him cos i'm aslp le.. i find it very unfair to me.. cos i nv get e chance to defend myself.. den u'll start shooting off lyk a machine gun abt me.. den wen i finally noe wat happened, e misunderstandings have accumulated to a humongous size..
i'm really sick of living.. seeing how things always move towards negativity.. i dunno i've stopped myself frm suicide for how many times le.. bc wld nv noe.. he assumes i'm alrite.. db trusts bc so she oso thinks i'm alrite.. so i dun think it's wrong of me to approach ben again.. at least he wld listen to my problems and not comment much.. e rest wld most probably say i think too much ba.. haiz.. i'm really very tired le.. i juz hope everything wld stop.. juz stop.. i really need a rest...