Saturday, March 18, 2006
juz now, went to read sq's blog.. or rather, his 'hidden' blog.. and wat i found in dere, really changed my opinion on him.. i mean, i regard him as an ok kind of guy.. minus away e fact dat he broke db's heart, he's ok.. but den.. wen i read his blog, it all changed.. i mean, db and i practically expressed our hurt to dem le.. but to sq, i guess it doesn't matter rite? all he did was to try to shift e blame.. pls la.. of all ppl u wan to shift e blame to, u blame ben.. stop trying to point e finger at ben wen it is obviously ur fault.. i noe, i'm not db so i dun have e rite to say dis.. but ben is still my son kz.. i was e one who told ben to stick wif db.. and he did wat i said lyk a true fren who really cared wld.. stop shrinking away frm responsibility.. or shld i say dat u simply dun wan to b held responsible? is db asking too much? all she wanted was for u to b dere for her.. not to flirt wif van.. wat abt me? yes, we might not b stead liao but i ask u to pls respect me.. wat's all e crap abt being disappointed in me cos i nv mention u wen i leave? u wan me to thank u? i keep hearing frm others how close u r wif van.. keep seeing how u shower attention at van.. how do u wan me to react? it only showed me dat u juz dun love me as much as u claim to b.. and who r u to talk abt promises wen u oso cant keep urs? u r e one who said dat u wld b dere.. and dat i'm not defenseless.. but wen i'm at my weakest, i find myself crying alone while u're having fun outside.. so dun talk to me abt keeping promises..up till now, i still dun regret leaving.. it's lyk, i finally have no obligation.. dat i dun have to keep thinking of others.. sq, dun say dat we shut u back to a cold place.. u will nv understand how cold me and db felt while we're in e grp.. u guys can have all e fun, all u need is juz us to b dere.. dun keep claiming dat once db and i r gone, everyone will b sian.. i dun believe dat.. on e day of e concert, wen db left, none of u bothered to call her back.. if u really cared, u wld have chased after her.. sq said he called dem.. one phone call.. dey nv pick up and he gave up.. nice to noe dat dis is how much u care for ur mei.. as much as i wan to tell myself everything is ok, i noe it's not.. i mean, i was even told dat after dat incident, van can still fly and jump.. and dat u guys r flirting wif each other.. i dun understand lehx.. did u guys already noe dat bc found db or do u simply heck care? van more important, i noe.. cos she cried ma.. but db? she cried during e concert.. me? i cried after i left u guys.. but did anyone of u find out? nope.. cos for e simple reason dat we choose not to cry in front of u guys.. wan to noe y i cried? cos i finally realised how hopeless all dis are.. i dunno y i try so hard to stay in dis grp wen it's obviously over.. mayb it's cos i've been in dis grp since sec 2.. have feeling.. i was hoping dat mayb u guys really do care.. dat u ppl wldn't choose van over me and db.. but ur actions showed me otherwise.. i cried for all those past hurts.. i cried for all e hopelessness.. and i even cried for e demise of dis grp.. i dunno e reason for db crying but i'm sure she felt e same hopelessness as i did.. cos u guys actually chose to forgo a 3 yrs frenship juz to b wif van.. it's over.. i'm nv going back to dis grp.. not even wen van goes.. cos e memories will b dere.. dere's no such thing as forgive and forget.. i cant forgive myself for crying over dis.. and i cant forget e disappointment i felt.. u guys have taught me so much..
so fragile is dis thing called frenship dat it requires everyone's efforts to keep it strong.. i guess u guys will nv understand wat i mean.. db and i r able to keep our frenship strong.. yes, along e way, we had our arguements and all but in e end, we're still together.. cos we truly cared for each other.. but dis grp.. none of us have really care.. even i oso nv cared enuff.. but at least, i nv lied.. i nv say i care wen i actually dun.. dere's too much false feelings in dis grp.. so many fake stuff.. van, tough at times, weak at times.. i can conclude dat she's weak.. stop e act of being tough.. dat's wat me and db do best.. forget it.. i guess she's too dense to understand dis..
as i've said in my previous entry.. dis is e end le.. to me, dis grp is no more.. i wld nv turn back.. even if now u guys truly cared, which i dun think u will, i oso wun go back le.. i guess dis is gdbye to e grp le..