Tuesday, March 28, 2006
hmm.. ytd we talked to van for quite a long time.. and i came to e conclusion dat all of us played a part in dis whole mess.. u see, watever happened to van, i've tasted it b4.. it's juz e way we handled things dat is diff.. we all need care and concern and sometimes, attention.. in a grp, we have all dis but we have to share or dat these care and concern were not divided equally thus resulting in some unhappiness.. and at times, ppl were simply forgotten.. it happened to everyone at some point of time but i guess db and i were e only ones who dared to voice it out.. cos we simply didn't understand.. we have given our all.. we gave everything we could in dis grp so wat went wrong? i guess we will nv noe.. for me and db.. wen we went out as a grp, we always come to an unspoken agreement.. db walk in front and i walk behind.. so dat everyone wld b in e middle.. i supposed it's our way of keeping e grp together.. mayb no one will ever understand e way we think but we're trying very hard le.. all we ask is dat wen u guys r having fun in e middle, always rmb dat at e front, dere's db and at e back, dere's me.. sometimes we get lonely and wen we need someone, u guys r having too much fun while me and db r too far apart.. at one point of time, i try to convince myself dat all these were worthwhile.. but after some time, i started asking myself.. y am i so naive? cos no matter how hard we try, it will nv b enuff.. 2 ppl cant make a grp work.. it needs everyone's efforts.. it was almost lyk db said.. we r watching a movie of u guys.. all we need to do is to watch.. and dat feeling is not gd.. cos we really yearn to be part of dat movie.. we dun wan to b e audience..anywayz.. everyone is at fault, including me and db.. perhaps we make e worse mistakes ba.. van said dat she tried very hard to catch up wif us.. but i asked her, " have u ever tried asking us to slow down?" mayb db and i were really going too fast.. but no one ever thot of asking us to slow down.. so we were not aware of anyone trying to catch up and we simply juz kept going on.. i guess dat's our mistake.. we juz kept going on.. rite now, i still dunno wat i'm going to do.. db said she's going to leave e decision up to me.. haiz.. headache.. i dunno le.. i've already gave my everything le.. i dunno wat more i can gif le.. i'll most probably take things one step at a time but i noe.. i wouldn't b going back to e grp cos i think it's beta not to label ourselves.. at least everyone would b more relaxed ba..