Saturday, March 18, 2006
alrite.. dis is going to b a long entry... 1st off, i'm going to explain wat happened to my blog.. as some of u noe, my previous blog suddenly become 'forbidden', god noes for wat reason.. as i tried to save it, i discovered dat it's hopeless.. e only thing to do was to restart.. so i deleted e old one and tried to create a new one.. yea, e key word is tried.. still forbidden.. so, seeing dat so many things have happened, i decided dat it's no use hiding.. thus e decision to unveil my hidden blog and to use it as my main blog.. e earliest 3 entries are frm my hidden blog.. e 4th is e latest entry of my main blog.. and now, is my 5th entry.. i've oso changed e url to darkness-reb0rn due to a very simple reason.. a lot of things have changed.. dis is e start of a new chapter in my life.. now, is e beginning of a new life, new thots.. gone is e need to care abt other's feeling.. gone is e need to vie for attention.. well, let's start den...***************************************************************************************
it's finally all over.. in e end, db and i left dis grp.. a little reluctant, after all, we started dis grp.. but it was neccessary for us to leave.. i mean, i cant feel any warmth frm dis grp.. it's lyk, everyone has stopped caring.. lyk db said, actions speaks louder than words.. stop saying u care wen u dun.. sometimes, untruth hurts more than e truth... i supposed frm my previous entry, it's obvious dat i cried a lot on dat day.. it was oso on dat day did i make e decision to leave.. all e tears i've shed, carrying all of my hurt, showed me dat if i continue to stay in dis grp, i'll b hurt more... all e past hurts flowed out with e tears, leaving me bare... i dun feel anything for dis grp le.. except for one or two ppl.. to ben, i'm sry dat u're neglected in dis grp.. i'm such a lousy mom.. to kai, sry dat things turn out dis way.. but i noe u understand.. to zx, i dunno if u're considered in dis grp anot.. but thank u for comforting me sometimes.. haha.. i dunno if u noe wat i'm toking abt anot.. but thks anyway.. it's really nice to have someone who really cares.. to db, it's back to u and i, sister.. e gd old days..
to e rest, sry.. i dun think i can bring myself to thank u.. cos dere's absolutely nth to thank.. or mayb, dere is sth.. thank u all for teaching me dat van's tears work well on u guys.. and thank u for teaching me wat disappointment means.. to bc, my dearest gor, it's only now did i find out dat actually, u nv really understood me.. mayb we think alike wen we have fun but it stops dere.. cos we nv did feel e same.. to zh, my cai gor gor, up till now, i dunno who u actually care for.. sometimes u care a lot for me.. but i can see dat van is important to u.. so i wun expect much frm u.. dun wry, i dun blame u.. to sq, db's gor, db told me abt how close u r wif van.. and i laughed at myself.. cos u seemed to b able to b close to any girl.. and to think i was worried for u.. i dunno if i'll forgif u for breaking db's heart.. mayb ppl will think dat wen i requested for break, u were hurt most.. but let me tell u dis now.. if i ever continued into e relationship, i think i wld b dead by now.. in e past, u said u love me.. but now, i can say dat no, u dun love me.. u juz wan me as ur property ba.. i dunno le.. u've hurt me a lot.. but it doesn't matter now.. dere's no turning back.. to gray, my xiao xiao gor gor, i'm really glad dat i didn't let myself get too close to u.. it's a pity dat we only get to hang out for such a short period of time.. but it's juz too bad cos i noe u will nv really care ba..
to van, dere's absolutely nth gd dat i can say to u.. mayb cos i've nv really lyk u ba.. mayb to e guys, u're their precious princess.. but to me, u're nth.. yes, we hang out, we have fun.. but i'm sry to say dat i've nv regarded u as part of e grp.. i supposed u'll b very happy now.. after all, me and db left.. u can have all e guys to urself.. we're not taking any wif us.. at least we still have our dignity.. but i really pity u.. i guess u're going to find out dat dese guys will nv really care de ba.. so i wld suggest u to cry as much as u can so dat dey will rmb to care for u.. u dun wan to b lyk me or db.. i refer it as e price of not crying in front of dem.. mayb zh will care la.. but i really worry for my gor.. i'm leaving him in e hands of evil forces.. i'm sure db wld noe wat i mean.. mayb ben too.. hmm.. but i'm quite surprised.. i supposed guys lyk spoilt brats who cry a lot ba.. wow, ouch.. i'm even surprised at myself.. i'm harsh now.. not dat i care.. i dun wan to act all soft and all, wen rite now, i'm all hard hearted..
i supposed everyone changes ba.. nth will remain e same forever.. and to think me and db r trying so hard to lie to ourselves dat everything is ok.. wat a joke man.. within a span of 1 day, u guys showed us e truth.. dis is wat i think.. van nv really treated db and i as frenz ba.. sh'e almost lyk a leech, sucking db and i dry.. den wen e guys come along, she went over to dem.. wootx!! finally free frm e leech.. gd luk guys.. juz an advice to u guys, van needs a lot of TLC.. gd luk man.. i'm washing my hands off dis matter.. past experiences taught me dat none of u will ask me to go back to e grp.. sq will NV ask me back.. bc wld rather keep quiet cos he tend to hurt me more by getting me to think in van's shoes.. e rest? no hope le la.. zh has practically no say sia.. van come ask me, i'll slap her.. cos to me, van does not deserve my attention.. but lyk i said.. dere's no turning back now.. dis is e end.. all i ask is, stop using darkwingz as ur nick in future.. it MY copyrite.. guess dat's all.. have fun wif e guys, van.. one last word, u're pathetic if u really cry bcos of wat i said.. and try not to act lian cos i feel lyk vomitting wen u act lian.. my words r getting harsher and harsher by e min.. but seriously la.. i wonder how long u guys will stay together??
e true darkwings signing off and finally flying towards freedom...