SheepieTiger

2008-04-26T01:15:00.002+08:00

after saying wat i've said, i hope things would be beta.. it's not my decision.. i hope wan everyone to be happy..

对的人 by 戴爱玲

你问在我心中是否还苦恼
那次受伤否决了爱的好
谢谢你的关照我一切都好
一个人不算困扰

爱虽然很美妙却不能为了寂寞又陷了泥沼

爱要耐心等待仔细寻找感觉很重要
宁可空白了手等候一次真心的拥抱
我相信在这个世界上一定会遇到
对的人出现在眼角

那次流过的泪让我学习到
如何祝福如何转身不要
在眼泪体会到与自己拥抱
爱不是一种需要是一种对照

爱虽然很美妙却不能为了寂寞又陷了泥沼

爱要耐心等待仔细寻找感觉很重要
宁可空白了手等候一次真心的拥抱
我相信在这个世界上一定会遇到
对的人出现

能愿意为了一份爱付出去多少
然后得到多少并不计较
当我想清楚的时候我就算已经准备好
放手去爱海阔天高

爱要耐心等待仔细寻找感觉很重要
宁可空白了手等候一次真心的拥抱
我相信在这个世界上一定会遇到
对的人出现在眼角

2008-04-10T23:31:00.001+08:00

religion should never be used as a mean to take away someone's happiness. indeed, religion is just sth for ppl to believe in.. it's a way of life to some.. but letting it decide your happiness is the most regretful thing you'll ever do in your whole life..

2008-04-06T21:59:00.002+08:00

hello ppl!!!! i wonder who's been reading my blog.. =x ahahhahahaha anyways, i am unable to read my blog, nor can i go blog hopping so yea.. but at least i still can blog.. *grins*

to ppl who wan to contact me, email would be the best method.. as i am unable to access hotmail.. pls do email me at: babyqr.is.kelly@gmail.com

keke will try to blog more often abt my life here.. otherwise, juz email me lorx.. i will try to reply asap de..

much loves from China,

Kelly aka BabyQR

2008-03-15T10:28:00.003+08:00

i'm flying off on monday~~ =D finally! here are my flight details:

Flight: CZ352
Departure: 0800

to those who bother, here's e information. to those who cant make it.. it's ok.. =) 有心就好

i'm counting down and i'm kinda left with 1 and a half days in sg.. keke feeling really excited.. and i've been spending my past few days wif frens and family.. wed was out wif bestie to get our air tix.. oki.. it wasnt a nice experience.. lol went to manu's place for bbq BUT had to go off early cos my mom came.. sooo.. gave e kuku peeps (female) hugs and bade our farewell. and they gave me snacks~ and a notepad.. KAWAII desu~!

thurs wasnt much.. went to simei to fix my phone wif baby.. afterwhich went to baby's hse and had dinner part 1.. haha went home, bathe and went to my aunt's hse for dinner part 2.. yup i had 2 dinners.. LOL after that met sk and zh, off we went to TWC to fetch bc hm from work.. ate AGAIN at TWC while waiting.. thks darling jason for e treat~ =)

fri (ytd) was the icing on the cake.. cos just a couple of days before i leave, we went to the ZOO!! falalalala~ keke wif the company of great frens, who wouldnt be happy? =D pity baby's not feeling well.. ._. oh well.. still, it was great! there's zx, cindy, van, ben, bc, honey, sk and zh.. hahaha so many ppl but it's really fun.. quality time spent.. after zoo, went to downtown to play pool.. e noobs (zx, cindy, me, van and ben) at one table.. e pros (bc, sk and zh) at the other table.. lol very fun even though i lost.. o.O HAHA

played pool all e way till 10plus.. den drove zx and cindy back before the 6 of us head to bedok for our dinner cum supper.. ate good food and talked.. i lyk! thks for e treat, gor.. =)

well, i'm counting down to china.. cant wait to start.. *grins*

isnt it obvious?

2008-03-05T23:19:00.003+08:00

==-Picture posting-==

the problem of forgetting to turn off the headlights of a car.. or in dis case, van..
it cant move.... and we (aka the kids and parents) are forced to push this teddy bear of a 'car' to and fro the carpark for freaking 30mins!!!!! LYK SO ~~TIRING~~ CAN!!!!!! zzzzzzz

AND TODAY:
this is George W. Bush
this is Adolf Hitler
this is Barrack Obama

this is Hillary Clinton

LOL it's just a private joke.. come ask me if you're interested.. *winks*

by the way, i SERIOUSLY think OBAMA rawks~~~!!!!

such a big mouthful of pasta..... ..... ....
into bc's mouth!!!!
my lovely, lubbly HONEY.. who, ~~unfortunately~~ (in my opinion), is my gor's gf.. *i'm in love wif her you see.. HAHA*
the.. err.. perfect(?) couple.. *hides in one corner and cries*

ben is soooooooooo focused on his drink.. some lemon lime light? oh.. he says it's ~~LIME LIGHT LEMON~~
ok.. i simply love ugly pics of me... HAHA ;p
errrr.. i believe sk agrees wif me too.. *grins*

SOME OTHER DAYS:
went for a haircut wif bc and sk.. see how *ahem* my gor is.. =D
and me!!!!! SHORT HAIR AGAIN!!!!!!!

well, i hope baby doesnt read this post.. *esp abt the part on honey >.<* HAHA i still love my baby the most =p mushy mushy~ *jumps ard and screams*

ok anyway..... i've got nth else to say.. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

2008-03-04T02:14:00.001+08:00

i cut my hair short.... AGAIN

2008-03-04T01:54:00.002+08:00

with officially 14 more days to china, many would be racing against time to meet up wif frenz and family.. me.. i'm burying myself in work and books, not caring dat in juz 2 wks, i'll be booted off to china for internship.. i mean, wat's e big fuss abt? i dun wan a farewell party.. *no offense to anyone* i juz wan to pass my days as per normal.. treating each day lyk nth's gonna happen.. i'm sick and tired of relatives going "wah, going china for so long ar.." i mean, come on.. it's only 5 months.. not 5 years.. =.= if i dun give a damn abt e time, why should anyone?

back to farewell party and why i dun wan it.. 1) it MIGHT make me cry and i hate crying. 2) it juz simply makes leaving all e more harder. so frens, pls.. no farewells for me.. a simple good bye and take care would be enough for me.. =) and i will love you guys for sparing me.. =p

i dun feel e sense of urgency to pack up for china.. heck.. i need a luggage and i haven even bought one.. i've got shirts but not enough bottoms... aaaaaannnnndddd... apart from clothes, i have absolutely no clue as to wat else to pack.. i dun even noe wat to EXPECT in china.. yea yea.. there's those training programs but i'm still kind of clueless.. perhaps taking one step at a time would be ideal..

i'm aspiring to be a bartender and god forbids, baby doesnt seem to lyk the idea one bit.. so yea... either i get another career option or baby's gonna share my love wif cocktails.. LOL i'm hoping to learn abt bartending when i'm in china.. in other words, ASK the IC dere to gimme MORE stuff.. i wonder if dat's possible.. otherwise, i can jolly go to TWC and work at WOODS at times.. ai nee's willing to teach me~ *pops a champagne*

as much as baby hates to admit dat he'll miss me, i'm sure he will.. lol and i noe he's unhappy dat he will be in-camp on the day i'm flying off.. which equates to him not being able to send me off.. but he thinks he'll be able to come to the airport to "fetch" or welcome me when i fly back.. =D well.. it's e thought that counts anyway~

gotta go slp now.. feeling shagged.. ciao~

2008-02-23T16:03:00.002+08:00

i'm supposed to be studying now.. but yea................................. slacker~

worked last nite.. it was fun.. and busy.. LOL

i've finally seen the crack. all along, it was juz an illusion. how do one cope when all that you believed in for the past 18 years were juz a lie?

2008-02-21T12:37:00.002+08:00

Scientists' row over G spot nears a climax (Agence France-Presse - 2/21/2008 2:18 AM)

After more than half a century of debate and bedroom exploration, a row about the location of the fabled G spot may be settled at last, the British weekly New Scientist says.

The G spot, named after a German gynaecologist called Ernst Graefenberg who first mooted its existence in 1950, is said to be a highly sensitive area in the vagina that, when stimulated, gives a woman a powerful orgasm.

But where the G spot is located has been clouded by evidence that is subjective or downright contradictory, and some experts have even concluded that it does not exist.

The answer, according to Italian researcher Emmanuele Jannini, is that, yes, the G spot does exist, but only among those women who are lucky enough to possess it, New Scientist reports.
Jannini, of the University of L'Aquila, used ultrasound to scan a key vaginal area among nine women who claimed to experience vaginal orgasms and 11 who said they didn't.

The target was an area of tissue on the front vaginal wall located behind the urethra. Tissue was notably thicker in this space among the first group of women compared with the second, the scans revealed.

Jannini, who reports the research in full in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, says the evidence is clear: "Women without any visible evidence of a G spot cannot have a vaginal orgasm."

"For the first time, it is possible to determine by a simple, rapid and inexpensive method if a woman has a G spot or not," he believes.

Some experts question whether what Jannini calls the G spot is a distinct structure or the internal part of the clitoris, whose size is highly variable.

Others say more work is needed to confirm Jannini's belief that the G spot is missing in women who don't experience vaginal orgasm. The G spot could be there in all women, but with differing degrees of sensitivity, they believe.

Women who do not have a G spot should not despair, according to the New Scientist report.

"They can still have a normal orgasm through stimulation of the clitoris," said Jannini.

~*~

i had so much fun reading the above article.. and to think i thought every women have a G spot.. and this freakish scientist by the name of EMMANUELE JANNINI decides that NOT all women have a G spot.. *wails* it's e ONLY way a woman can get a vaginal orgasm and now this scientist is telling us that not ALL of us have it?!?!?!?!?!?! *screams and throws tantrums* i'd rather it be ALL women have a G spot but with different sensitivity.. at least it increases my chance.. HAHAHA *craps*

i'm juz feeling so damn bored and really dun feel lyk studying so i'm crapping my way out of today~ think i beta go study.. i can feel bestie nagging at me.. =x

2008-02-20T01:11:00.003+08:00

i hope i'm not too late.. anyway, HAPPY (BELATED) BIRTHDAY, FION~!!!!!!!

so yea.. a little quick update.. am looking forward to nxt tue.. bestie date =D perhaps a free lipo mayb? *shrugs* who knows.. HAHA anyway, TWC has some new wine.. one of which is PORT.. I WANT TRY so ya.. been wanting to dine @ TWC.. am going there wif bestie on tue!!! =) happy happy~ me and bestie shared a little secret *grins widely* the both of us are soooooo~ bad.. LOL i dun even noe how to describe.. =x we're such bad influences on each other but i LIKE! =p i juz have a sick mind.. HAHA

speaking of sick.. went to watch Sweeny Todd *lyk finally!* wif baby on..... wat day was it? forgot.. lol ya.. it's a musical.. i didnt noe dat until Johnny Depp started singing.. LOL *There was a barber and his wife~* baby thinks the story is nice but he doesnt lyk the singing.. as for me.. i lyk e sick and twisted concept but i find it a waste dat i dun rmb ANY of the songs!!! *major pouts* i lyk e vermins and shit part though.. =D sounds lyk rapping.. HAHA and Mr T's daughter is pretty!!!! *i feel you joanna~* i like Mrs Lovette too!! she's lyk sooooo... witchy.. LOL *poor thing~ poor thing~* it's e middle of the nite.. and i'm going mad~ muahahahaha

missing my baby badly.. stupid ns.. sigh.. anyway.. gtg slp.. going to CA to mug tml wif my darlings~ ciao

2008-02-20T00:56:00.003+08:00

-== MORE RANDOM PHOTOS ==-

lol so freaking ugly~

me and baby! =)

i look pretty ugly here!

keke baby looks lyk a nerd =x

i made this for him on V-day

oki fine.. another weird shot of me to end this entry~

2008-02-18T01:22:00.003+08:00

she couldnt rmb how many times she has let him down. countless mayb. it's every human's nature to think the best of themselves n the worst of others. she was no exception. she kept thinking of how he kept letting her down. she kept thinking of how his words would sometimes make her unhappy. but she didnt think of how he always gave in to her. no matter how much he didnt lyk her working, he juz kept quiet. she didnt think how let down, how neglected he would be. he told her his feelings and fears. she felt remorseful. but he knew her. he understood her. he told her to enjoy her work. and he said that one sentence which made her realise sth. she realised that he can live without her. but she cant live without him. he's so much of her life. she didnt and couldnt let go. one thing is for sure. she loves him.

she realised she has lost touch on many things. frenz, family, studies... she didnt noe wat was going on anymore. all she knew was to get on wif each day. sometimes, it feels surreal. she didnt noe how to go on. it's almost like sth has clouded her vision. she can no longer see her future. she's confused. abt everything...

2008-02-06T08:52:00.000+08:00

==Long overdue photos==

perfect gor and mei~ =D
we can nv get a decent shot.. hahahah
tired during ssm - cheryl
how does she slp lyk dis.. e bench is so hard!! - kuku
zx's birthday cake! - 18 Dec 2007 (photo taken on 15 Dec 2007)
baby imitating meh meh.. LOL
cant see meh meh's hands but ya.. hands behind head!!
=p
me!!
kekeke my darling meh meh which i bought at Night Safari for $10.. so cute~~~

2008-02-04T23:51:00.000+08:00

baby fell asleep while chatting on the phone wif me.. =x i'm still listening to his breathing rite now.. lolx so peaceful.. =) it's nice, doing project and hearing him.. it's almost lyk he's rite beside me.. giving me strength.. i wish time would come to a stand-still.. and that wif months or years down the road, we can be as happy as we are now together..

we do have problems.. my drinking and his "jokes" but i suppose we can work things out ba.. i mean, so far, he's been talking less abt dat "joke" and me.. well gotta cut down on my drinking.. he was pretty mad *though he didnt want to admit it* when i was a little drunk last nite.. oh well.. i promise not to drink so much in future.. =x

i was pretty moody in the afternoon.. and yea.. i juz all these reports and presentations are taking a toll on me.. mentally.. i was pretty much ready to break down juz now when i was doing fest report.. cos i'm feeling so damn tired and i really cant quite find any examples which i really need for the report.. urgh.. gotta watch wat i type here abt sch.. cos ya noe.. e lecturers actually blog-hop... i cant believe dis man...........

oki so ya... tired le.. feel lyk slping......... ciao

2008-02-04T11:01:00.000+08:00

dun ask me why.. going back dere.. suddenly it all feels so much different.. i feel lyk a bystander now.. i dun feel lyk i belong.. is it a wrong decision? i dunno why but it seems dat everything i say/do, it offends someone.. i cant go on dis way.. and i dunno which way to go.. this is killing me.. all these feelings and vibes dat i get.. makes me wan to hide.. makes me not want to emerge..

why pull me out of my solitude and den make me watch a movie? a movie which i swore i would nv be an audience of again.. why cant i be part of dat movie? i used to be but now, i've been cast aside, written off.. perhaps the script ends here.. perhaps i should learn how to let go and move on..

there are so many good things in life.. so why do i yearn for dis? is it because i care too much? of all the times, i've been really happy.. it's all those recent stuff dat really make things unbearable.. i realise i have no one to turn to.. no one to confide in.. pitiful? think i'm asking for pity? get e hell out den.. i will stand alone if need be.. thanks but no thanks i dun wan your pity..

mayb dis time round, i'll stay out.. why stick ard when i'm not needed, not noticed.. it'll only make me feel miserable.. i noe i'm not an important person.. i noe some ppl dun lyk me.. but at least treat me lyk human.. i exist

2008-01-25T15:16:00.001+08:00

one report down.. *yea-ness* 2 more individual reports and 2 presentations to go.. qr, you can do it.. stop fainting!

2008-01-25T08:02:00.000+08:00

one major screwup after another.. projects...................................

2008-01-21T13:20:00.000+08:00

last nite was one helluva nite.. imagine: a wine lounge with both interior and exterior seats.. a total of 20 tables, close to 51 pax at one point.. only 2 service staff.. yes.. dat was the scenario last nite.. only me and retail manager, kenny.. operations manager jason was on mc.. me and kenny holding the front.. and boy, were we busy.. so busy, we didnt even have a break.. let's not even talk abt our ruined dinner.. =x

with only 2 staff and 51pax to look after.. it was a fresh new experience.. i mean, we're running ard (yes, practically running) the whole place, trying to attend to all the guest.. it was fun, exhilarating and really got my adrenaline pumping.. it would be great if guest knew wat they wanted.. some were understanding by approaching me with the wine they wanted in their hands.. makes it so much easier to serve them.. others asked for recommendation for which i had to get kenny.. he was pretty much as stressed as i was.. lolx and he was saying, "kelly, i really dunno how am i going to survive without you. lucky you noe how to serve." LOL and dere i was saying, "you're welcome. *wide grin*"

we were really happy when it's close to closing.. yea-ness when closing.. cos it meant home-sweet-home after a nite of hard work~ =D kenny covered the front area while i was holing up in the kitchen washing dishes.. woots! hot steam from the dishwasher feels so familiar on my face.. =D apparently, *i was told by bc* i'm e only idiot who volunteers enthusiastically to help out in the kitchen during closing.. HAHA seeems lyk no one lyk washing dishes at TWC.. =p but den again, stewarding is fun, fun, fun!

both jason and kenny asked me the same qns.. *on diff days* "are you happy at work?" my reply, "yes!" haha.. jason noticed i was always happy and smiling when i came to work.. i was STILL carrying dat same facial expression when i left work.. HAHA i really love my job.. it's great, really.. not only the experience, my colleagues as well as the guests.. =) i think i will continue working after i come back from china..

it's not always abt the money.. sometimes really.. it's abt the experience.. whether it made you happy or not.. =) cheers

2008-01-16T00:16:00.000+08:00

if you think being a operations manager for events is fun, think again.. not convinced? try drawing maps to scale.. i swear.. you'll go mad in a matter of mins.. why? cos the ruler is your ever "faithful" companion.. so urgh.. and the best part is.. when you see the ACTUAL pic of your venue, it's another huge headache.. cos for mine, there's so many trees! lyk wth.......

still drawing my maps.. and i would say.. it's tiring on the eyes..

he told me, "is more of luv" dat sentence helped me make my decision.. looking forward to nxt month..

2008-01-08T20:40:00.000+08:00

today, i finally cried after surpressing myself for 2 yrs.. cried for the me whom i've lost 2 yrs ago.. cried in regret.. cried for myself.. for sth that i've lost.. i nv thot my heart could really be broken into so many pieces.. but it did.. my heart bled for 2 yrs.. i pretended nth happened.. but a qns today made me say sth which i kept close to my heart for 2 yrs.. sth which changed everything.. i nv knew the feeling of losing sth impt.. now i noe.. and it hurts.. it really hurts..

i hid myself in my room and cried long and hard.. and i'm begging you to take me away.. be selfish and take me away.. dun abandon me..

2008-01-07T15:43:00.000+08:00

For Nandu~

He:
My Immortal by Evanescence

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus:]
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus]

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

[Chorus]

Me:
I'll Be Ok by McFly

When everything is going wrong and things are just a little strange
It’s been so long now you’ve forgotten how to smile
And overhead the skies are clear, but it still seems to rain on you
Then your only friends all have better things to do

When you’re down and lost and you need a helping hand
When you’re down and lost along the way
Oh, just tell yourself
I’ll be ok

Now things are only getting worse and you need someone to take the blame
When your lovers gone there’s no-one to share the blame
You’re sleeping with the TV on and you’re lying in an empty bed
All the alcohol and the world would never help you to begin

When you’re down and lost and you need a helping hand
When you’re down and lost along the way
Just try a little harder, try your best to make it through the day
Oh, just tell yourself
I’ll be ok!

You’re not alone (You’re not alone)
You’re not alone (You’re not alone)
You’re not alone (You’re not alone)

Just tell yourself, I’ll be ok
Oh, just tell yourself, I’ll be ok
Won’t you tell yourself ...

When you’re down and lost and you need a helping hand
When you’re down and lost along the way
Try a little harder try your best to make it through the day
Oh, just tell yourself
I’ll be ok
I’ll be ok
I’ll be ok

smile nandu.. =) you'll be ok

2008-01-06T23:33:00.001+08:00

all that talk abt tennis balls and baseballs really had me laughing.. i cant believe we would talk abt such things.. HAHA time really flies.. an hr felt lyk a min.. i wish time would stand still at that moment.. haha..

has anyone noticed a change in me? i've been happier.. smiling to myself now and then.. having sudden burst of energy which got me running sometimes.. haha i wonder why

2008-01-02T23:59:00.000+08:00

o.O i forgot i had Final Theory Test(FTT) nxt wed.. until my bro reminded me.. >.<

2008-01-01T16:40:00.000+08:00

wah.. super shagged.. a brief update on how i spent my new year's eve.. keke

met zx, cindy and frenz.. played arcade, went to raffles for dinner at lao pa sat(sp?).. got lost on my way back to raffles mrt station.. =x took train and met my fren at city hall.. den we went to night safari.. HAHAHAHA yea, we counted down wif the animals.. =p and at 12midnight promptly, we heard fireworks.. think it's at vivo dere de.. keke den headed to Bedok.. walked to east coast park.. reached dere at abt 2am? den we started looking for mac.. walked here and dere.. thot mac disappeared.. turns out it's at a far corner.. =.= walked for lyk 4hrs juz looking for the stupid mac.. tired sia! bought some snacks at 7-eleven.. den walked again to some place to wait for sunrise.. it was a wonderful nite.. simply wonderful.. waited till 7am.. the sun was blocked by clouds.. den sth scary happened.. zzz =.= gave my fren a scare.. lolx it was only till 8am did we finally see the sun but it's not nice le.. sian~ HAHA cabbed hm.. bathed and ko-ed in bed..

now as i think of it.. it's confusing.. lolx the things we did.. wat does it mean? dunno le~~ *pouts* juz see how things goes ba.. super hungry.. go find food le~

2007-12-30T23:18:00.000+08:00

haven blogged for lyk 2 wks? who knows.. who's counting anyway.. lolx..

cant wait for 2007 to end and for 2008 to come.. i would say 2007 is a year of changes for me.. a year of revealation.. it's a year filled wif beginnings and endings.. it is also a year where i find things that are most important to me..

i will nv forget the things that have happened this year.. TAS was fun.. really.. heart-warming even.. back to campus.. TCA.. pure hell but fun in a sick way.. messed up project deadlines (which is going to continue in 2008 =x) all the bits and pieces..

sch changed me alot.. i look at myself now and compared it wif me in the past.. i couldnt recognise myself anymore.. is lyk a totally new QR.. different in wat way, i dunno.. but i do noe.. some of the changes, i dun lyk at all.. (lyk becoming fat.. >.<)

xmas dis year was made special by someone.. new year is being made special by that someone too.. i bet he didnt noe dat.. the care, the concern, the laughter and those words.. simply made me look forward to the coming year.. of the various possibilities.. where would we go from here? where do we WANT to go from here?

i've waited for you for close to 1year alr.. (taking away 3mths) i dun feel sad, though at times it gets tough.. i nv thot i can be patient.. you taught me patience.. good things in life come for free.. but you have to WAIT in order to get the good things.. dat's wat i'm doing now.. you're the 1st guy whom my parents think is not bad.. do you noe how much dat meant to me.. precious words that kept me going..

i love you.. and 2008 is going to be no different.. i'll still love you.. let it last.. let it bloom..

2007-12-18T11:59:00.000+08:00

it's irritating, how i'm trying not to be sick by drinking water daily and yet, i noe i'm going to be sick.. actually, i knew last nite when i started having sore throat.. so i was drinking lots of water before i slept.. but~ woke up, feeling weak and all.. and YES, the first sign of a major fever is here.. urgh~!

how to go for xmas party tml? hais.. if really bad, juz go for dinner and gift xchange den i go hm le.. currently feeling very restless cos no matter how i sit or lie, i feeling very xin ku.. T.T i hate being sick la!

2007-12-15T21:48:00.000+08:00

hmm.. you noe dis angel&mortal thing we're having for the xmas party.. well, i can quite guess who my angel is.. so i'm wondering if there's forfeit if we didnt guess our angel rite.. cos if there's no forfeit, i suppose i would juz any-o-how guess? LOL

am i anticipating the arrival of xmas? no actually.. cos you see.. last yr on xmas eve, i cried.. haha last yr xmas, i'm waiting for the same guy i'm waiting for now.. but dis yr it's different.. dis yr, i will not cry.. dis yr, i will smile.. cos i dun wan to be anyone's burden.. thought things through le.. laugh or cry, time passes.. so why not pass my time laughing? being happy beats being sad.. =)

i'm still looking for a job.. mainly cos i think working can help me take my mind off some stuff.. ~~*lyk how he's not replying my msges*~~ HAHA anyway, shall try my luck at cafe cartel~ yup.. try my luck..

feeling kinda tired.. cos i've been sewing non-stop for the past 2 nites.. not enuf slp.. so having a headache now.. so shall take a rest.. after all, it's half done le.. but i think i will stop n start working on something else.. lolx afterall, i dun think i'll be giving it to him on xmas.. see how things go ba.. i mean, he's ignoring me so why should i give him a xmas gift? humphz =p

my eyes are abt to close so i guess i will stop here? shall update on my progress tml den.. ciao~

--=my progress=--

2007-12-15T11:05:00.001+08:00

=D one side done.. another to go~

2007-12-14T16:45:00.000+08:00

=-:-=CARETAKER NEEDED=-:-=

I'm looking for a caretaker for President (my pet hamster). haha i'll be going for OSIP for 5months and am unable to care for him. Can someone please help me take care of him while i'm gone? You'll be paid~ *note: the pay is $100 - $200 for 5 mths. negotiatable*

Requirements:

must be experienced
loves animals, esp. hamster

Job Scope:

feed President everyday~
clean his cage every wk
take him out to play if you wan to
fresh water every 2 days

Food, bedding, bathing sand and everything else will be provided so dun worry~ =)

Contact me @ sliverstar79@hotmail.com or through MSN if you're interested~

2007-12-14T01:03:00.000+08:00

from 3pm till 1am in the morning.. this is wat i've done so far.. i'm tired now.. time to slp.. i'm happy wif my progress.. *note: the one in the middle is wat i've sewn.. the other 2 is the model*

2007-12-13T18:01:00.000+08:00

累了，哭了，闹了，无法再继续了。该说的已说出口，不该说的也说出口了。为何要自讨苦吃？明明知道我是不会再像以前那样对你了，明明知道现在的我是有数不清的缺陷，明明知道所有的所有已和以前不一样了。这样的我有多彷徨，有多犹豫。你知道多少？或许你真的是付出了很多，但我真的无法像之前的我一样，无忧无虑的对待你。我没有办法当作什么都没发生，厚着脸皮的要你对我好。看着你，我的心充满愧疚感。我无法让自己再伤害你。每当伤害了你，我是多么的恨我自己。我讨厌现在的我。我也不知道该如何是好。我只知道你必须把我忘了，不要再对我有任何的感觉。就算只是喜欢，也把它忘了吧。这样的我不值得你留念，也无法接受你的喜欢。

我只想平平淡淡地度过剩下的学期。我不要再去想我和你之间的问题。因为问题太多太多了。就算了吧。就让一切化成无好了。。。

2007-12-13T17:55:00.001+08:00

some words are not meant to be said afterall.. dis is one thing i've learnt.. i cant wait to leave

2007-12-13T00:22:00.001+08:00

hmm.. let's see.. how did today go? i went from ... to hmm to hee hee to hahaha.. so you get the drift? apparantly not cos i'm not making sense.. LOL

was a little nervous for accounting test so i was pretty quiet.. (riiight) went into the test venue, enjoyed the air con for 45mins and left.. HAHA typical qr~ i would say the paper's pretty easy.. might be able to score a B.. =) yup so i'm kinda happy~

den dat kuku.. she said, "qiu rui qiu rui.. u not the 1st one to leave lehx!! *** left earlier than you!" =.= HAHAHA aiyo... say until lyk is competition see who win lyk dat.. lolx den before going in, i was telling val, "bu jian bu san" LOL and she really met me out dere at ard 45mins too~ =D

went for the job interview at The Soup Spoon at raffles dere.. hmm.. the manager says she'll call me tml.. *crosses fingers* hopes she call ba.. would say the interview went well.. cos i was very relaxed.. HAHA this is by far, the best interview ever~ =) juz hope dat i get the job ba..

ppl think i'm getting a job at dis time cos of OSIP.. is it really? haha it's for me to noe and for you to find out~ =p

on a happier note, i've completed my xmas shopping.. though me and bestie had a laugh over the angel-mortal thing.. HAHA but yea, bought a little sth for my mortal.. and for a couple of impt ppl too.. =) me and ben hor.. HAHA he said he need a cushion.. so i say i buy for him.. den i told him i need a massager.. so he say he buy for me.. LOL end up we decided not to wrap our presents cos we alr noe wat we're getting from each other.. LOL

am i looking forward to xmas? i dunno.. haha i'm still a little confused over wat's e fuss? LOL anyway, these few days are kind of lonely.. ppl who dun understand, juz dun bother kz.. dis is not self pity or watever.. it's juz a statement.. =.= juz saying in case ppl jump to conclusion, which i noe some would.. anyway, kind of bored too.. ended up playing freecell which occupied part of my mind but didnt fully engage.. gotta stop thinking.. cos i tend to think too much den i'll get emo.. HAHA

you ar you.. still dun reply my msg.. *smacks*

2007-12-11T18:49:00.000+08:00

going for job interview at the Soup Spoon tml~ wondering if i can get the job =)

MSN nicks

2007-12-11T13:30:00.000+08:00

i'm tired of studying T-T so here i am blogging.. reading my frens' MSN nick and i swear. i'm loving some of them.. here's some dat i love alot~

Even though we appear to be sewn in a different pattern, we have a common thread that won't be broken, by people years or distance (hemma)

tHe pAins Of fRiEndShip hUrT bY fRiEndShip, LoYal wIF pAin, GuiLTy wiF LovE, sAddEnEd bY sHaMe.. (sy)

It's the heart afraid of breaking, that never learns to dance. It's the dream afraid of waking, that never takes the chance.. (hui xin)

Find like-minded people to be with. If you spend your time with negative people, you will become negative yourself. (su qin)

Nothing will change until your thinking change (bernard)

Hurt beyond the point of hurt, love beyond the point of love (yours truly~)

and now i have another:

it is the love afraid of fading, that fails to take the plunge
thks to hui xin for dat idea~ =D

2007-12-11T00:34:00.001+08:00

for every beginning, there's always an end.. the only difference is, is it good or bad? if it's good, den lucky you.. but if it's bad, all i can say is too bad, just your luck.. this is life. do i sound lyk i heck care? perhaps.. but this is life..

life is made up of choices.. both good n bad.. i myself made a lot of bad choices in my life but there were good ones too.. it's not wrong to be selfish and sometimes, we really do have to think of ourselves.. it's always abt us, whether is it to our benefit, is it worth our efforts..

when she msged me saying she will wait for him, i cant tell her forget that bastard.. all i could say was, alrite i respect your decision.. who am i to her to help her make her decision? as a fren, all i can do is to support her.. i dunno if it's a good or bad choice and i sincerely hope waiting is a good choice.. but from wat i'm seeing now, wat's the point? when he doesnt care, wat's the point?

i will still worry for her in my own way.. i might not seem lyk i care alot.. i might even be joking.. but who knows wat i'm thinking.. being e person who lives closest to her, i'm worried she might need me any time.. i felt so guilty when i couldnt be wif her dis morning dat i txted her a sorry.. tonight i'm keeping my phone by my side.. in case anything happens, i can be dere.. it's juz my way of caring..

2007-12-10T15:38:00.001+08:00

as the saying goes: two's company, three's a crowd.. everyone missed the 2nd part of it.. four's a happy family, five will led to screams and shouts..

2007-12-10T00:36:00.000+08:00

looking into my eyes and tell me wat you see.. hurt beyond the point of hurt.. love beyond the point of love..

i dun wan to think.. i dun wan to feel.. all i wan is to get on wif life.. facing all those shit is not wat i wan..

be my source of strength.. give me hope to go on.. even if it means lying to me.. i would still accept.. $100k.. if only it was dat simple..

2007-12-07T22:16:00.000+08:00

my bro showed me dis vids.. super funny HAHA need to understand mandarin den you will get the humour.. enjoy~ =D *zh is soooo gonna hate me for laughing at his idol.. HAHA*

oh my.. i swear dis is classical~ HAHA

2007-12-06T19:04:00.000+08:00

在雨中漫步的感觉真的是好舒服，一点烦恼都没有。或许是因为最静的心情忐忑不定吧。所以当雨水轻轻打在脸上时，心里的烦恼也渐渐地减轻了许多。对我而言，受伤了，最好的疗伤方法往往是在雨中慢慢地走着，让雨水把所有的烦恼给打掉。当一个人独自走在街上，难免会觉得孤单。但当一个人在雨中走在街上，孤独的心情不在，反而感觉到有人陪着我，鼓励我坚强的走下去。也许是因为雨水不会像人一样突然消失，而雨水却像一块棉被围绕着我，给予我温暖与保护。这几天下的雨，仿佛是为我而下。而我也渐渐地开朗起来。

2007-12-06T09:15:00.000+08:00

Bush says Iran a 'danger' despite intelligence report (extracted from: http://news.sg.msn.com/topstories/article.aspx?cp-documentid=1131004)

President George W. Bush said Tuesday that Iran remains a danger and refused to rule out a military attack, despite a US intelligence report saying Tehran halted its nuclear weapons program in 2003.
"The best diplomacy, effective diplomacy, is one in which all options are on the table," Bush said a day after the new intelligence assessment stoked the controversy over Iran's disputed program.

Input: =.=

Bush was adamant. "Iran was dangerous, Iran is dangerous and Iran will be dangerous if they have the knowledge necessary to make a nuclear weapon," he told a White House press conference.
The president called on US allies to step up pressure on Iran. "The best way to ensure that the world is peaceful in the future is for the international community to continue to work together to say to the Iranians we are going to isolate you."

Input: i suppose there is a better way than isolation.. heard of NEGOTIATION?

International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) head ElBaradei, whose inspectors have been investigating Iran's nuclear drive for four years, called for immediate negotiations between Iran and its western critics.
"This new assessment by the US should help to defuse the current crisis," he said in a statement. "At the same time, it should prompt Iran to work actively with the IAEA."
But US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice vowed to press ahead with tougher UN sanctions against Iran, saying the United States and the five other powers dealing with Iran must maintain their diplomatic pressure.
"There is time for diplomacy to work, but there isn't time to stop and say 'we don't need the diplomacy,'" Rice said.

Input: in my personal opinion, this is not diplomacy.. this is pressurizing Iran to stop watever they are doing which may lead to adverse consequences. who knows, maybe there's going to be another Iraq saga.. *shrugs*

Clinton's top rival Senator Barack Obama warned that despite the National Intelligence Estimate (NIE) on Iran released Monday, the Bush administration would not modify its tough line on Iran.
"It is absolutely clear that this administration and President Bush continues to not let facts get in the way of his ideology."
"Let's get this straight, in 2003 (Iran) stopped their program, you cannot trust this president, he is not trustworthy," said Senator Joseph Biden.
"It is outrageous, intolerable and it must stop ... the president of the United States -- it's like watching a rerun of his statements on Iraq five years earlier."

Input: only one word to describe. STUBBORN

*note that the inputs here are ENTIRELY the PERSONAL opinions of the author's and should NOT be taken seriously. the author would NOT be held liable for any displeasure caused.*

2007-12-06T01:42:00.000+08:00

quotes of the day:

"pls tell me why i'm in the middle of this..."
"oh my god.. he's giggling!"
"i feel lyk a stalker.. cos i keep staring at him!"
"eh, which part of toilet are you in?"
"it is beta to have a choice than to be lyk me.. cannot choose liao"
"i think our lives are pre-destined and things happen for a reason."
"how i'm treating XXX now is how YYY is treating me.. it's all a vicious cycle."
"i rather you choose carefully than to rush into a decision."
"i think someone up dere put XXX in my life on purpose.. to give you guys a good fren and for me to find out wat's the most important thing in my life."
"even though i might lose alot of things but i nv regret.. at least i finally know wat i really wan."

i love you not only because of who you are.. but also because of who i am when i'm with you.. when i'm with you, i feel so much better.. so much more optimistic.. i hope i have the same effect on you too.. =)

2007-12-03T15:55:00.001+08:00

happy vs sad
cheerful vs depressed
optimistic vs pessimistic
hope vs despair
love vs hate
laughter vs tears
holding on vs letting go
staying vs leaving
warmth vs coldness

this is you and me.. the choices we have to make.. i dunno wat's our future.. i dunno abt the obstacles.. i dunno abt alot of stuff.. esp wat is happening in your life.. all i noe is i wanna be wif you and face all the obstacles together wif you..

i noe you are troubled.. i noe you wld rather we carry on the facade of being only frenz.. i noe you wld rather not think abt our feelings for each other.. i noe.. and i also noe.. i will always put on a cheerful front for you.. even when i am crying, i would smile.. juz for you..

i hide all the hurt in my heart.. i learnt to smile in the face of adversity.. i learnt to be optimistic even when things seemed impossible.. all i do, is juz for an acknowledgement from you dat i still exist in some part of your heart.. and dat you noe, you hold a special place in mine..

2007-12-02T23:43:00.000+08:00

2007-12-02T12:18:00.000+08:00

this post is dedicated to those who are waiting for love. to those who have been hurt by love. to those who are troubled by love. and to those who holds on tightly to that little spark dat we call hope..

i used to wonder.. why are women so stupid.. to keep hoping and waiting.. now dat i'm in this position myself, i finally noe the ans.. whenever it comes to love, we juz cant help wat we do.. we juz keep loving and loving.. waiting and waiting.. hoping and hoping.. even when all we get disappointment, we juz kept believing, kept loving.. i would describe women as resilient ba.. haha cos i oso a woman.. =x kidding~

hmm.. when i look ard me, all i see is my darlings being troubled by love.. bestie, flower and most of all, fion.. i feel shallow for always saying jia you.. who am i to talk when my own love life is lyk... all i can say is stay strong and stand by wat you've chosen.. in a r/s, there's always give and take.. nth is smooth-sailing de.. all we have to do is to grit our teeth and get over it..

waiting is often lonely and filled wif moments of weaknesses.. staying strong is wat we have to do but i've got to admit.. it really is tough at times.. esp when we need someone.. i dreamt of him.. of sleeping in his arms.. dat feeling.. 是幸福的.. but a dream, will always be a dream ba... and sometimes, dreams can turn into nightmares.. lyk mine.. cos suddenly i dreamt of mr goh staring at me.. it's lyk SSM all over again.. >.<

funny how guys always lyk to pretend nth has happened after rejecting a girl.. it's lyk.. hey, you told the girl you juz wan to remain frenz, den you go all buddy-buddy wif her.. do you even care how confused dat girl feels? oh well, i'm rambling away over nth actually.. sigh.. all i can tell the girl is dat.. if dat's how it is, juz have to cope wif it lorx.. i mean.. GUYS.. urgh..

i noe how ppl think i should not be the one being troubled over love seeing how i've hurt sl.. YES.. i've hurt sl.. but i am troubled ok.. it's becos i'm showing respect to sl dat's why i nv really say anything much abt sy on my blog.. do ppl noe wat i think when i go to marina square? do ppl noe wat i think when i go plaza sing? do ppl noe wat i feel when i walk down orchard road alone?

i may have lost him now.. but at least no one can take away the memories.. i kept reminiscing the past.. of the 2 of us, walking down the streets.. just you and me.. hand in hand.. i'm waiting for him.. from now till ever..

最爱还是你

没开口的话怎样才能懂
我好想把画面倒带回头
你留在我心中熟悉的表情
每个温暖纯白的记忆穿越了距离

拥挤的人潮没有人知道
我偷偷想你嘴角就会笑
不要说对不起
也不要问原因
就让世界不停的向前别忘记从前

最爱还是你这是我的决定
像宇宙相对的星互相吸引
慢慢就会靠近

还是要爱你时间会证明
我爱你的勇气
牵着你的手才知道是永久

拥挤的人潮没有人知道
我偷偷想你嘴角就会笑
不要说对不起
不要再问原因
就让世界不停的向前别忘记从前

最爱还是你这是我的决定
像宇宙相对的星互相吸引
慢慢就会靠近
还是要爱你时间会证明
我爱你的勇气
牵着你的手才知道是永久

这一次我放弃了所有
只为能再与你相遇

最爱还是你这是我的决定
像宇宙相对的星互相吸引
慢慢就会忘记
还是要爱你时间会证明
我爱你的勇气
牵着你的手才知道是永久
一辈子不放手

2007-11-29T22:39:00.001+08:00

yawns~ i wish for a lot of things.. currently, i'm wishing dat i have all the time in the world to complete watching the shows dat i'm watching..

2007-11-29T11:16:00.000+08:00

my day started in happiness.. and ended in shame.. >.<

mel said sth abt mr leong in my tagboard.. HAHA mr leong is my accounts tutor.. and i find him cute~ =p

today is an embarrassing day.. couple of my darlings noe.. even bestie knew too~ sk oso noe now.. zzz dunno why i'm telling him.. >.<

anyways, i find myself enjoying SSM but.. but but but... it's kinda stressful.. mr goh and ms mark kept telling me to breathe.. >.< i'll try..

hmm been watching lots of dramas.. old and new alike.. =D yukan club is SUPER funny~ finished watching Tantei Gakuen Q~ NICE =D Hanazakari no Kimitachi e (nihon vers) is much MUCH beta than taiwan's version.. and now, i'm waiting for evening to come so i can chiong to lao gong's hse to get HERO~ =D *dances ard*

in a beta mood now as compared to previous days.. yup feeling a whole lot beta.. juz dat when i'm tired, i get a tad moody.. overall, i feel beta.. going back to being more cheerful.. would i say i miss the old me? actually, not so.. cos in the past, i'm always worrying abt others.. to the point whereby i forgot myself n perhaps it's oso one of the reason why i'm having some medical problems now..

well, shall not talk abt anything anymore.. off to watch my shows!

2007-11-27T19:42:00.000+08:00

tired of writing in 3rd person's POV le.. lolx cos quite difficult to write in 3rd person.. so yup it's back to I, I and more I again.. haha

haven been blogging much.. cos wat i wanna say, i dunno how to say out.. perhaps i'll try.. let's see.. wat makes a person who he/she is? is it nature or nurture? if it's psychology, it'll be nature.. but i studied sociology.. so i'm betting more on nurture though nature does play a part in a make-up of a person..

take me for example.. i was once outgoing.. i was once cheerful and optimistic.. but now.. where am i? a bitch at most.. i kept to myself more.. i became a pessimist.. sometimes i really miss the old me.. but the me now, i dunno.. perhaps i'm used to who i am now.. constantly hiding behind a facade.. unwilling to show ppl who the real me is..

db said, "the day she tries to emerge from the shell will be the day that she really no longer knows who she is." i have to disagree wif her.. for i no longer noe who i am anymore.. i juz get on wif life blindly, not thinking of wat i wan.. she thinks it's depression.. i wish it was.. but it's not..

~Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end~

~those who appear to be very strong in heart, are real weak and most susceptible~

~those who spend their time protecting others are the ones that really need someone to protect them~

~It's easier to build a child than repair an adult (but i'm neither child nor adult..)~

2007-11-22T23:43:00.000+08:00

she called him baby.. he called her mummy

2007-11-22T00:31:00.001+08:00

she finds it troublesome to delete some of her posts.. but then again, she finds some entries really overly dramatic. and she's invented a new word to describe someone. over-dramatism.

2007-11-20T22:02:00.000+08:00

past few events made her emotional. she is thanking sy for always being there. she is thanking manu for all her love and support. and she is thanking shuai ge for that great talk the previous nite.

she is extending her apologies to ben van and zh for walking out on them. she is also extending an apology to zh for wat she said the previous nite.

someone asked her if she's ok. she replied dat she's still alive. ~~wat she didnt say was how disappointed she was dat she's alive and kicking.~~

2007-11-19T02:25:00.003+08:00

she would lyk to sincerely wish her son, Benjamin, a very happy belated birthday. =)

disappointment summed up her whole day. she went out happily, filled wif hope. only to end the day wif disappointment and awkwardness. was it really her fault? how does one open up to someone whom she has stopped opening up to for months? did someone really understand? or did someone just assume? she was tired.. she kept EMPHASIZING how tired she was.. it was nv a particular situation but someone wasnt listening. dat led to disappointment.

she thot things would be resolved.. instead, they tried to sweep everything under the carpet, as if nth happened.. if dat were to be so, why meet up in the 1st place? all it led to was awkward silence. she has kept to herself for far too long. she has been let down by the same person for far too long. dere will always come to dis point whereby she is AFRAID of opening up. for she find she could no longer trust. problems were surfacing from every aspects of her life. she needed care and support. not a brush off. if she stayed out of her life for months, why suddenly come back now? why expect so much from her now? why now?

she wants to rest. she wants to concentrate on her studies. her parents scolded her stupid for believing. but still, she wanted to believe. but it has been costing her. for time and again, she was let down, brushed off..

she told a fren. if she were to be in an accident and was in a coma, there is a huge possibility she wouldnt wake up. if it were up to her will to live, she would DEFINITELY not wake up. for she no longer has dat will. all she wanted was for life to pass by quickly.

she asked for a break from the frenship. she tried to "solve" things by asking her abt her problems. she no longer trust. she couldnt trust. she didnt want to believe any longer.

let it be her fault den. for not letting her back into her life. but she doesnt lyk ppl who comes in whenever they see fit and leaves whenever she needed them most. disappointment. how much more does she have to face? how much longer does she have to endure before seeing the sunshine after the rain? for now, she juz walks away. hoping there's a better tml.

2007-11-15T20:55:00.000+08:00

sometimes, there would be one point in life where one does not feel the strength to carry on anymore.. sometimes, there would be one point in life where one just give up and take a break, in hope that things would be ok again..

she nv thot she would ever reach that point.. she nv thot dis would all come to dis.. gone, was her determination to make everything alrite.. gone, was her anger that kept her going on.. wat's left in her was fatigue.. a deep sense of fatigue..

perhaps it was her fault.. for not speaking up.. but she knew herself too well.. should she speak up, it would only make matters worse.. haven she learnt her lesson? in a frenship or r/s, it normally takes 2 ppl's efforts to make it work.. but in dis frenship, no one was making the effort.. perhaps the foundation was dere.. but the rest of the structure wasnt.. it was an unfinished artifect.. one dat neither she nor she bothered to complete..

she asked herself, would things be different if she showed more care and concern? the ans was no.. things would nv be different.. too many problems.. too many obstacles.. mainly, both of them were too strong-headed.. arguing doesnt solve the problems.. arguing only made them tired and wounded..

she needs a break.. mayb this would be beta for the both of them.. perhaps to mend dis broken frenship, all it take is for one of them to take a step out.. she's willing to be the one to take that step out of her life.. mayb it would make both of them feel beta.. most importantly, it allows both of them to think things through..

her parents told her.. she has grown up.. it's time for her to think of herself.. and she felt dis would be the best solution for everyone.. she wouldnt ask qns.. she wouldnt even wan to bother abt the money.. all she wanted was some peace and quiet.. it was only now did she realise, perhaps it would be beta to focus on other aspects of her life..

老婆 - SHE
从昨天到今天还有明天
感谢老天让你们陪在我身边
爱的心痛的心等待的心
因为有你们的拥抱我很放心

当初见面的不安彼此探索
或许有点茫然迷惑
朝夕相处才发现这世界中
没有人比你们更懂我

朋友姐妹都已不够来形容
我们的默契骄傲扶持与包容
老婆老婆我们一起打勾勾
请记得约定的旅程到永久

2007-11-12T10:05:00.000+08:00

彩虹 - 周杰伦
哪里有彩虹告诉我
能不能把我的愿望还给我
为什么天这么安静
所有的云都跑到我这里

有没有口罩一个给我
释怀说了太多就成真不了
也许时间是一种解药
也是我现在正服下的毒药

看不见你的笑我怎么睡得着
你的身影这么近我却抱不到
没有地球太阳还是会绕
没有理由我也能自己走

你要离开我知道很简单
你说依赖是我们的阻碍
就算放开那能不能别没收我的爱
当作我最后才明白

有没有口罩一个给我
释怀说了太多就成真不了
也许时间是一种解药
也是我现在正服下的毒药

看不见你的笑我怎么睡得着
你的身影这么近我却抱不到
没有地球太阳还是会绕
没有理由我也能自己走

你要离开我知道很简单
你说依赖是我们的阻碍
就算放开那能不能别没收我的爱
当作我最后才明白

看不见你的笑要我怎么睡得着
你的身影这么近我却抱不到
没有地球太阳开始环绕环绕
没有理由我也能自己走掉
是我说了太多就成真不了
也许时间是一种解药解药
也是我现在正服下的毒药

你要离开我知道很简单
你说依赖是我们的阻碍
就算放开那能不能别没收我的爱
当作我最后才明白

需要你的爱 - FIR & 阿信
当你选择拉远了距离
就这么自私做的决定
穿破天际飞去

排山倒海崩塌的回忆
无时无刻侵袭我的心
痛得不能自己

或许你
以为把这一座城市抛开
就可以总结伤害
却不明白

我需要你的爱
不管多少阻碍
不求什么未来
不管命运会怎么安排
我会用眼泪洗去所有的不堪
狠狠地
把心痛了断
深深地
把一切重来

我需要你的爱
像掉进了深海
也像坠落悬崖
找不到地方可以逃开
别让那些谎言把爱给活埋
当心碎
成一块一块
当爱碎
成一段一段
我会等待

Only Love - Trademark
2 a.m. and the rain is falling
Here we are at the crossroads once again
You're telling me you're so confused
You can't make up your mind
Is this meant to be
You're asking me

But only love can say - try again or walk away
But i believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So i'll just play my part
And pray you'll have a change of heart
But i can't make you see it through
That's something only love can do

In your arms as the dawn is breaking
Face to face and a thousand miles apart
I've tried my best to make you see
There's hope beyond the pain
If we give enough, if we learn to trust

But only love can say - try again or walk away
But i believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So i'll just play my part
And pray you'll have a change of heart
But i can't make you see it through
That's something only love can do

I know if i could find the words
To touch you deep inside
You'd give our dream just one more chance
Don't let this be our last good-bye

2007-11-12T09:31:00.000+08:00

she decided to stop blogging for the time being.. she wants to revamp her blog.... she wants her own personalised theme.. if only her bro would start teaching her how to go about doing it..

2007-11-08T23:57:00.001+08:00

she stared at the computer screen, speechless.. thots were running through her mind.. how have things come to this point? wat has happened? as much as she wanted to interfere, she knew it would be a wise choice to remain silence.. for if she ever did speak up, things would have been worse..

rite now, she can be assured dat things have sort of settled down.. however, deep in her heart, she knew everything has changed.. her life is different now.. wat ever that was hers in the past, is no longer so.. wat ever she has hoped for, is gone.. all she had in her hands, were memories.. perhaps one day, she would lament her loss.. but for now, all she wanted was to rest..

she met her best friend today.. they talked abt many things.. most of which, were abt the past and present.. she opened up to her best fren, telling her how she felt.. her best fren understood.. her best fren was there for her with an open mind.. her best fren told her how she felt.. she understood.. and she too, was there with an open mind..

in a r/s, regardless frenz or lovers, it always took both parties' efforts in order for things to work out.. one doesnt sit still and wait for the other party to make all the effort.. a little initiative was all it took to make a r/s work for a long long time.. however, it was only today, did she understand that logic.. and it was only today, did she realise how silly she was to hold on to the past..

she did not regret.. she did not cry.. all she did was look at her best fren and said, "i'm glad you are hot tempered. otherwise we wouldnt be sitting here now." it was rather true.. if her best fren did not confront her, she would have left things as it was and there goes their very precious frenship..

she has learnt not to give up.. she has learnt to listen.. but she knew certain things could nv be changed.. and one of them is the past.. however, she knew it was useless to hold on to the past.. better to look forward and do watever she could to make things rite again..

she wished she wasnt so conscious abt wat others thot of her.. she wish she didnt bother.. all she got was hurt and more hurt.. her parents asked her.. why was she unhappy.. she said.. sch, frenz and many other things.. she didnt tell them that the thing that was troubling her the most was herself.. she didnt tell them that she had thots of dying.. she didnt tell them that she wanted to leave.. all she did was to tolerate and hope that the end would come soon..

she's not feeling suicidal.. all she felt was that there isnt anything left hoping for anymore.. the human cycle is such that one is born, grow up, grow old and die.. she hopes to be born, grow up and die.. she would very much lyk to leave out the "grow old" phase of life.. perhaps dis way, she would feel happier.. someone told her not to die before he did.. it was more pressure on her.. having to live up to expectations of others.. it was something she vowed not to do.. and she sure as hell wouldnt do it..

she is selfish.. she is stubborn.. to some, she might even be cold-hearted.. but in this imperfect world, if she didnt protect herself, who would protect her..

Destiny is what you think...
Watch your thoughts; they become words...
Watch yours words; they become actions...
Watch your actions; they become habits...
Watch your habits; they become character...
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny...

True friends come in the good times when we tell them to, and come in the bad times without calling...

2007-11-05T09:29:00.000+08:00

she thot she understood.. she thot she knew.. she thot she could deal wif it.. but when it came, she was lost.. she was alone.. she had one fren who was there.. and she was grateful for dat fren's presense..

as she walked off, she tried to find the person whom she trusted in the past.. alas.. things were not wat she thot would be lyk.. and so, she was still alone.. she took a train wif a fren.. they chatted but she kept her lost soul hidden.. they chatted but she nv did express her feelings..

she went to the beach, wanting to be alone, wanting to cry.. she gave it one more shot.. calling ppl whom she knew she could trust.. they came and kept her company.. but it wasnt enough for her.. for the person whom she wan by her side wasnt there..

she drifted on.. staying on the line which separated happiness and sadness.. she msged him.. and again, waited.. and waited.. for 30mins.. and she thot to herself.. at least he replied..

she slept on the cold hard floor dat nite.. hoping to be awake.. hoping the cold would wake her up.. she's living in a nitemare and she wants to wake up.. instead, she fell asleep..

2007-11-05T00:57:00.000+08:00

you noe wat hurts the most? it's when i said i'm feeling sad, and my dad retorted, "so what" angrily.. it broke my heart.. and made me cry

2007-11-03T23:18:00.000+08:00

--=DISCLAIMER: LONG ENTRY AHEAD=--
i wonder if ppl think i'm emo... hmmmm.. why the sudden thot? cos when i told someone dat i love her, she thot i had cancer.. =.= and when i assured her i'm not dying, she thinks i'm being emo.. LOL

i swear i haven been emo for a VERY long time.. ask bc, ask db.. when i'm emo, i'm damn scary.. LOL here's some extract from my 1st blog.. the one when i was SUPER emo.. lolx.. i think it made bc wan to cry.. =x

"sometimes i ask myself.. shld i stop daydreaming? shld i end it all? but if i end it all, i noe i will die... i admit.. i can't bring myself to face reality.. i dun wan to.. dere's too many ugly things out dere.. in fact, i'm lyk a full time actress.. e me dat i show to ppl is actually a facade.. i convinced myself dat i'm actually living in a dream and dat my fantasies are, in truth, reality.. it's lyk dere's a mirror in between me and everything else.. i'm living in e mirror cos i can't bring myself to step out of it.. i dun ask for ppl to step into my world.. not even ***.. cos it's not fair.. all i ask for *** is to stay e same as b4.. cos wen i'm ard him, i can still believe dat a part of me remains in reality..

it might seem silly but wen i'm ard my frens, i'm constantly living in a dream.. i'll keep imagining dangerous scenes and me being e genius and saving everyone.. lame but.. it makes my life beta.. dis kind of lying to myself.. at least it made me feel secure enough to wan to stay in e grp..

sometimes, i wld mock myself.. i'm so gd at weaving tales dat i've convinced myself dat everyone, namely ***, ***, ****, *** and ***, need me.. wat a huge shock i got wen i finally realised dat dey could actually forget my existance in a mere second.. dat, dey can live without me thus forcing me to see dat i'm dreaming.. many a times, i wish i could break down and cry.. but no tears wld come.. unlyk ***, i dun think death wld b my salvation.. i believe it wld entangle me wif sth worse than now.. i truly believed dat dreaming wld b my salvation.. sometimes, i wld imagine myself a popstar.. or a magical being.. or watever i can think of dat sets me apart frm others.. i keep thinking dat i'm unique but.. dat's only me rite? wat i think is unique, others may think of it as normal, isn't it? so y do i still keep lying to myself? but if i really stop believing, wld i b able to live? at least now, i can still talk and joke ard wif others.. i can laugh and pretend nth is wrong wif me.. isn't dat gd enuf? i dunno..

even as i speak now, i'm still trying to lie to myself dat everything is ok... i mean, my problems aren't dat serious.. as compared to *** who's cutting herself and having suicidal thots.. **** whom i noe is somehow hurting but i dunno his cause of hurt.. everyone ard me has problems so who am i to wallow in my own misery after i tried so hard to convince myself dat dey need me? i'm living in a dream again.. in a dream where i dun wan to wake up.. wat if i wake up and find dat *** is gone? wat if i wake up and find dat ***, ****, *** and *** dun exist at all? wat if i'm so lost in my dream dat i've completely lost myself? dere's so many qns but no ans.. i'm so pathetic.. i really wonder if i really deserve *** cos he's almost lyk someone i dreamt up of.. e perfect partner.. wat wld become of me if i lose him?

i wan to cry but y can't i seem to cry? i feel so hollow.. i dun wanna slp cos wen i close my eyes, e darkness wld consume me.. i wld den feel e cold.. e chill wld even penetrate my blanket and shoot rite into my heart.. cos wen i slp, dat's wen all of my nitemares start.. i'm afraid of closing my eyes.. afraid of not seeing, only feeling e cold.. lyk dere is abosolutely nth to save me.. only wen i wake up in e morning do i let out a sigh of relief and thank god dat i've survived my ordeal.. oh. i dun believe in god but.. a simple thanks wldn't hurt.."

super long entry rite.. and it's only half of it.. =.= dis is one of my more emo entries.. there's more.. but yea.. dis one talks abt my fears.. i've censored the names of my frens to protect their identities.. but it's more to prevent them from thinking of the past unhappiness..

muz be wondering why i'm reading my 1st blog rite.. memories are very precious.. it's impossible to forget but easy to neglect.. sometimes we think we've forgotten abt many things but as we read abt it or talk abt it, we find that we nv forget.. dat's the power of memories..

perhaps i was emo in the past.. but since i entered poly, i was nv emo alr.. all i ever was, is being depressed.. or lonely.. dat is not emo.. when i'm emo, i'm suicidal.. hmm.. wait.. i did feel suicidal once dis yr.. ok.. so mayb i was emo for a period of time.. =x but yea.. it's really far and between.. i dun lyk being emo.. it juz makes my life all bleak.. yea, i still maintain the old habit of daydreaming.. but at least i'm more aware of my surroundings.. i'm still living in a dream but at least i've stop weaving ridiculous tales.. haha dat's an improvement i suppose..

i rmb db once said she didnt lyk me being so wild.. it kind of makes me wonder.. am i a better person now or before? which is the me ppl would prefer? my poly frenz would most probably prefer me as i am now.. cos they only noe dis side of me.. i really did change.. i've changed so much.. so much so i almost couldnt recognise myself.. i mean i couldnt believe i was once that emo..

i dunno why i'm writing such a long entry abt me being emo or the lack of it.. i guess reading blog does dat to me.. makes me reflect alot.. i realise i prefer the old entries.. not dat the new ones are boring but because i recognise you in those entries.. i nv really knew when you changed.. but as i read, i realise you've changed in the course of those few months dat you were gone.. wat caused you to change? my negligence? or your choice? suddenly i find myself missing the things we once shared.. i find myself wishing things would be beta.. i find myself wishing, we dun change..

2007-11-03T13:13:00.000+08:00

hmm.. was reading some blog entries.. whose, i wun say.. reading those entries, makes me miss a certain someone (female) ALOT.. wanna give her a big big hug and say thank you, i love you.. yup.. serious.. you'll noe who you are when i do it to you.. HAHA

treasure your frenz.. it's until now, i realised wat a lucky girl i am.. having a bunch of great frens, cool classmates and wonderful family.. i really am lucky.. quoting mr Goh, "someone up dere lyks me." LOL

i went ard telling ppl how much i love them.. and zh has the best response..

zh: wth. wat is tat?

LOL super funny can... hahahaha i'll be telling more ppl how much i appreciate them tonite.. IF i see them online.. =)

2007-11-02T23:13:00.000+08:00

urgh.. feeling damn tired now.. trying to work out my finances for dis mth.. thks to psp slim.. lolx yup.. planning to buy.. actually, i alr ordered from linus's cousin i think.. not sure lehx.. is sl help me de.. oh well.. juz waiting for the psp to come~ cant wait to play games.. =x

ytd, i was actually confident of being abt to get a placement for OSIP but now.. haha little tingling doubts crowding my mind.. *sweeps them away* oh well.. juz gotta do my best for the interview.. yea, my GPA sux.. my experiences might be close to nil as compared to others.. but hey, at least i've got a willingness to try and learn.. (although i do take quite some time to pluck up the courage) i'm not a useless person.. it's juz dat i simply cared too much abt wat others thot of me.. to the extent i didnt wan to share my thots for fear of saying sth wrong and being laughed at.. cos everytime i plucked up the courage to say sth, ppl didnt notice? well, dat sort of made me even more determined to NOT speak up..

but dat's all gotta change, doesnt it? i mean, i really wan dis OSIP and i bet there's alot of ppl vying for these dozen placements.. so i have to learn to speak up.. not in class, i mean in the interview.. to make the lecturer take notice and mayb consider me.. hmm.. i'm preparing myself for the interview.. can say i gan jiong but it's more lyk, i really do need a lot of time to overcome my fear of speaking up.. so yea.. *prepares some more*

i dunno if it's me thinking too much or wat.. but i somehow feel dat some ppl dislike me.. ALOT.. lolx sort of made me kinda miserable in sch.. couple of times really feel lyk breaking down and cry.. but thank god i didnt cos i noe those ppl sure as hell dun care.. i'm overly concerned on how ppl think of me.. so it sort of affected me alot when i think some of them dislike me.. trust me, i've nv felt DAT lonely for a long time..

lucky i have you by my side (literally) and supporting me.. yea i noe you find it hard to believe dat ppl dislike me and would even go to the extent of ignoring me.. but hey, there is.. in fact i think ALOT of ppl dun lyk me.. hahaha cos i dun speak up in front of ppl whom i juz noe.. so they think i'm "dao".. bad first impression = dun talk to u.. LOL i'm juz happy dat you understood how i felt.. sometimes i really wished i didnt care so much abt how others think.. but if i didnt, i wouldnt be me now, would i..

in fact, i still didnt noe who i am or rather, who i wan to be.. i'm hoping going for OSIP will help me to find my goals.. cos i'll be in a diff country, away from everything familiar.. yup.. mayb i'll find the independent me again.. where has the QR in sec 1 gone to? the QR who doesnt need anyone, who always depend on herself.. mayb during OSIP, i might find her again? who knows...

zzzz my topics are jumping all over the place.. think i beta stop blogging le.. otherwise will confuse ppl... ciao~

2007-11-01T22:51:00.001+08:00

hmm.. doing some research for my TCS (Tourism Culture & Society) assignment.. on child sex tourism.. it juz doesnt seem rite.. and reading all those info and watching all those videos, i cant help thinking how lucky i am to be where i am now.. as i look at the articles before me.. the videos on youtube.. i feel a deep sense of sadness engulfing my heart.. looking at these children suffering, it makes me wonder wat did these children do to deserve dis cruel treatment? and wat sick minds/thoughts drive those who seek children for sexual pleasure?

imagine how you would feel if the child was your sibling or worse, your own flesh and blood.. they should be in sch, worrying abt studies and friendships.. not out dere "service-ing" sick bastards.. sorry abt my language but i'm really upset.. take a look at these videos..

2007-10-28T13:44:00.000+08:00

i have dis song which i liked for a very long time.. i was surfing youtube and came across 2 MVs of this song.. sung by diff artists..

Take That:

talk abt weird.. LOL i swear.. it's totally weird.. i lyk dis other version beta..

Bee Gees:

=D enjoy~

2007-10-28T11:40:00.000+08:00

i think today i shall try kevin's style of blogging.. lolx

i bet you didnt noe of all dis.. hmm.. last nite i waited for your msg.. i nearly gave up but juz as i was to give up, you msged me.. at that time, i broke into a smile.. can you see how much you mean to me? or do you see it as a burden?

2007-10-27T10:43:00.000+08:00

dis is my current favourite song.. as i listened to it, i was overcome by a wave of longing.. as i watched e video.. i nearly cried.. so i'm going to share..

2007-10-26T22:02:00.000+08:00

hmm.. i've decided to go for OSIP.. so now, i'm refining my resume.. yup.. going to see my CM dis coming monday to talk abt OSIP.. cos i needed some help in some aspects.. i dunno wat else to type le..

if you ppl are wondering which OSIP i'm trying out for.. go to:
http://www.gloriahotels.com/gloria_en/index.asp

yup.. i guess that's all? sk~ i need help wif my resume!!!

2007-10-26T00:41:00.000+08:00

i kind of lost the interest to blog.. again.. so yea.. why am i blogging now? well mayb cos many thots are coursing through my mind and i really cant slp.. all these problems.. sk's rite.. problems wun disappear.. so i've got to cope dun i?

ignore my previous entry.. i think i'm juz a little depressed and i juz yak and yak.. i yakked at sy juz now.. =.= though he didnt seem interested to chat but he was concerned when i... erm.. oki watever.. no one wans to noe.. blah~

formed project group today.. only one word to describe my feeling and dat's erm.. cos the whole thing is really erm.. but at least i got meself a project group so let's work together yea~ attended my 1st public speaking tutorial.. i have problems introducing myself.. how bad can dis get man.. gosh.. so kind of dread public speaking? i was damn nervous even before stepping into the class.. and guess wat.. if i failed dis cds, i need to repeat ONE more sem.. juz for ONE subject.. thks lorx.. i beta pass man..

sch started lyk 4 days already and i've nv really blogged abt it.. monday's.. only one hr lec and it's from 6pm onwards.. =.= tue's a horror.. SSM.. zzz my poor swollen finger and blistered feet... wed's a full tutorial day so i didnt attend any lesson dis wk.. but i still went to sch and did up the mentors notice board.. i hope it's nice.. i'm not a really creative person.. =x thurs, which is today, is a really long day.. from 9-6.. but den again, i think SSM's much worse even though it's one hr shorter..

i'm not sure how fri will be.. but.. it's accounts day.. *screams* horrors of horrors.. i'm going to be squinting over the details again.. )= well dat's cos i'm stupid so i cant really grasp the concept fast enough.. you noe wat dis means? it means a LOT of practice.. sigh..

for a person who doesnt have an interest to blog, i sure blog alot.. =.= dis is sooooo ironic.. but watever man.. i'm not gonna delete it lyk wat i did for my previous entry.. and yes, i'm still thinking whether to submit my resume for the OSIP.. decisions decisions.. stupid sk's coming back on 5 Jan 2008.. i'm counting down wif him.. i'm missing dat perv dat much.. =.= yea anyway, i noe you're reading dis, sk.. i'm still missing my dale~!!!! ROAR

i lyk chip and dale.. cos of the $50++ dollars, me zh bc and sk spent at Downtown.. stupid chip and dale.. i will collect you all!!! ROAR

missing a certain sheep though he doesnt miss me.. zzzz but oh well.. cant expect much anyway.. i mean, who am i to him? juz cos he means sth to me doesnt mean he has to treat me the same way.. grow up QR.. face it.. take it in your stride.. lyk you said, all you wan is to be by his side.. jia you~

2007-10-25T21:29:00.001+08:00

u asked me wat happened to me.. i dunno.. i really dun.. it's lyk.. i'm feeling dis uncertainty and sadness deep in my heart.. suddenly, i'm confused.. suddenly, i'm lost.. suddenly, i dunno wat to do wif my life.. perhaps all dis while, i've thinking of you.. i've been thinking abt us.. dat i forgot abt myself..

*i juz deleted a whole chunk of entry due to privacy*

i love you and i wan you to be happy

2007-10-21T23:22:00.000+08:00

i wish i wasnt so helpless.. i wish i paid more attention to your thots.. i wish you trusted me..

So faithfully
Holding tight to every dream i thought our love would ever be
As the scent of hope slips through my fingers plain for me to see
I can feel now in your eyes the changing way you look at me
Where's the love we knew would last us eternally

And will your arms still hold me
And your eyes console me, baby
Please don't turn your back and just pretend
That your heart still needs me
And your soul completes me
Can we find a way to fall in love again

It's hard for you
When your heart has opened up to feelings that you never knew
Never thinking that you'd doubt our love you don't know what to do
I'd give anything, my heart, my soul if i could pull you through
Just to find again my love we hold so true

And will your arms still hold me
And your eyes console me, baby
Please don't turn your back and just pretend
That your heart still needs me
And your soul completes me
Can we find a way to fall in love again

And as every night goes by
With every lonely tears i cry
It's so clear to me
I need you by my side

And will your arms still hold me
And your eyes console me, baby
Please don't turn your back and just pretend
That your heart still needs me
And your soul completes me
Can we find a way to fall in love again

Can we find a way to fall in love again
Oh baby, i need you to love me for the rest of my life
If we fall in love again
Would you love me for the rest of my life

2007-10-21T17:50:00.000+08:00

*WAILS* I WANT TO QUIT SCHOOL!!!!! I CANT BUN MY HAIR!!!! *pouts*

2007-10-21T15:34:00.000+08:00

BLAH~ BORRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIING~~ SHALL TYPE IN CAPS!!!! ROAR~

TML SCH START LE~~ WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (*gasp* sheepie gone mad?!?!)

HMMMM.. I FORGOT WAT I WANTED TO TYPE AGAIN.. SO HERE'S A RANDOM THOT:

IN THIS WORLD, EVERY MINUTE, MAYB EVEN SECOND, THERE'S A NEWBORN.. AT THE SAME TIME, SOMEONE DIED.. SO RITE HERE RITE NOW, SHEEPIE WISHES ALL THOSE WHO ARE BEING BORN NOW A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.. AND THOSE WHO HAVE DIED TO REST IN PEACE~

DO YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA? I THINK I DO.. HYUK HYUK

2007-10-20T21:29:00.000+08:00

today got sth to blog abt le.. i'm SICK! LOL oki so here's wat happened..

woke up in the morning, slight headache.. didnt think much of it.. brushed my teeth den realised my eye sight got some problems.. lyk sth is blocking my vision.. (*gasp* sheepie going blind!?!?) as i stepped out of my hse for breakfast, the headache has developed into a full-blown one.. which is very painful and i had to massage my head..

well, to summarise it, all through breakfast and grocery shopping at NTUC, my headache was pure hell.. to the extend i felt weak, almost fainting.. and according to my mom, i turned pale.. when i reached hm, i took panadol and sat in the living room to watch tv.. after a few minutes, i ran to the toilet and puked.. =x

was rather serious.. rite now, still feeling weak.. bought my shoes for service juz now cos not going out wif bestie tml thks to my "illness".. =( sorry bestie!

o.O sy juz roar at me.. cos i very mafan.. lolx thks for chatting wif me la.. =p

2007-10-19T22:11:00.000+08:00

i wan to blog.. but i'm lazy once again.. =x

~*~

i'm ADDICTED to Freecell thanks to zh

~*~

i forgot wat i wanted to type.. but at least i updated.. LOL

2007-10-14T11:23:00.000+08:00

back from hong kong.. dun feel lyk blogging abt e trip.. cos it's all shopping, talks and food.. well went to disneyland and ocean park.. would lyk to visit again.. dis time wif my gors and e guys ba.. lolx cos i noe they lyk thrill rides.. =p but mostly is because we did say we wan to go overseas together.. hope can ba.. muz wait for them to serve NS 1st.. zzz still got a few more yrs to go..

truth to be told, halfway through the trip, i called hm, close to crying and i told my mom i wan to go hm.. and it's not because i miss hm.. there are other factors but i wun say wat.. juz dat at some point of the trip, i was unhappy.. very unhappy..

i'll have to thank carol for waking me up every morning.. otherwise i think i'll juz slp past breakfast.. =p thks darling~

ivan made me realise the fun of bargaining.. LOL i had so much fun at the ladies market bargaining prices.. HAHA

wat else ar.. oh.. i lyk the VP of Hong Kong Disneyland.. =D

i oso lyk Willie Chan.. HAHA

one quote stuck in my mind.. Nothing happens until you sell something.

carmen, hui lin and linda very cute.. lolx. they brightened up the hk trip.. =)

dunno wat else i'm going to say le... wrote a song while in hk.. enjoy~

梦。想
茫茫人海中
独自走在街上
感觉有一些孤单

亲人朋友包围
但却很寂寞
这到底是为什么

是不是我又做错了什么
竟会如此的悲伤
不想要频频淡淡的度过
我没有色彩的生活

我只想快快乐乐
活个五彩缤纷
这个愿望可不可能

只想拥有一个
永远爱我的人
难道这个要求太过天真

一直寻寻觅觅
寻找爱的坚定
难道我就值得几分

直到你的出现
才发现爱的可能
我的梦想可以成真

我只想快快乐乐
活个五彩缤纷
这个愿望可不可能

只想拥有一个
永远爱我的人
难道这个要求太过天真

一直寻寻觅觅
寻找爱的坚定
难道我就值得几分

才发现爱的可能
我的梦想
终于成真

2007-10-07T22:48:00.000+08:00

ur soul will be e one who accompanies me to hk.. cos seriously, after wat i've witnessed, i feel so damned isolated dat no matter how hard i try, misery has settled in my heart.. YES, I FEEL BLOODY SAD RITE NOW.. HAPPY?!?

juz cos i'm someone whom u can use and throw away.. juz cos i'm someone who doesnt mean anything to anyone.. juz cos i'm so damned forgettable.. i HATE myself.. are you happy now? it's fucking irritating how one stupid comment can create such a HUGE fuss.. wat e fuck man.. juz leave me to rot and die wun ya.. at least i'll feel a DAMNED lot BETTER..

let me get dis straight.. my gors and best fren.. they UNDERSTAND me.. they CARE abt me.. they KNOW me.. i dun owe anything to anyone.. and i swear, i'm one hell of a bitch when i want to.. so dun piss me off!

UPDATE

good thing i read nitika's blog.. here's a quote.. or rather, lots of quotes..

People will not trust you to make your own decisions, they'd rather spy on you. Try and find out who else you're connected with...if there are any scandals about you. If you ever encounter people of the sort , know one thing. They don't respect you or your privacy. And they are judging you, whatever you do. It is precisely that which suffocates, hazes your vision of yourself and you are left wondering the worst...thinking that you ARE the worst.

The next time you think you're protecting someone...you might just be leading them onto a path of mental instability, so don't. No matter who you are, everyone is an individual. Don't let your decisions affect the lives or happiness of others.

and dis is wat i have to say.. THANK YOU NITIKA! (source: http://reigning-mind.blogspot.com/)

2007-10-07T17:38:00.000+08:00

fri's steamboat wif guild members was fun~ juz dat i think sl thot i'm tricking him cos we made him wait dere for more than 1 hr.. and before we reached dere, he left.. zh wanted me to call him to explain but he didnt pick up e call so i thot watever.. if dat's wat he wan to think, i oso cannot help it cos it's really my fault dat he's waiting dere for more than 1 hr.. yea, it's my fault dat i had to stay in sch till 6 45 over mentoring stuff..

TP-BP Mentors Award Ceremony was a success.. it was really stressful up in the controls room.. thank god i didnt screw up.. was tiring but it's OVER~ nxt up is e notice board.. mentoring session was fun and short.. =) i lyk

went over to soccer place to help uncle lim wif some songs.. den went hm wif zh and jk.. bathed and met zh den walked to interchange.. met jk, bc and van den off we went to eat at PastaMania.. after eating, walked ard till 9 45pm.. van went off at 9 30.. watched Balls of Fury.. treated bc to e movie.. movie was so-so.. oki la.. got some funny parts.. but not very nice story plot.. i lyk e sex slaves though.. MALE sex slaves.. LOL went hm after watching movie.. was super shagged..

today, i nearly succumb to "depression" again.. to some, it's negative thots.. to some, it's 胡思乱想.. to me, it's juz unnecessary unhappiness.. well but thks to bestie and him, i'm feeling MUCH better~ =D thank you!

now i shall go write up a will in case i die tml or fri.. or whenever..

2007-10-01T09:54:00.000+08:00

quick update here..

ytd's kbox session was fun fun fun~! but i still not shuang cos nv sing enough.. lolx sing for 5hrs still not enough sia.. i muz be crazy..

~*~

in tp now.. meeting advisor to show her vid for AC.. very stress sia.. scary.. lucky last nite dun have nitemare of her.. LOL

~*~

你的存在让我对任何事物的想法乐观多了
我已不再像之前那么容易感到悲观
现在的我能开开心心的笑
因为你

~*~

你的微笑 - FIR

喜欢用我的音调
唱出你的味道
这一秒
有种感觉甜蜜的发酵

一百种言语知道
爱有一个声道
才明了
是你眼神传来的暗号

太多的幸福报到
拼凑爱的美妙
笑一笑
投入你怀里然后撒娇

不需要别人来教
把爱紧紧抓牢
这一秒
决定拥抱你给的美好

爱情是你独特的味道
在我的心中围绕
别人都不了
只有你知道
因为你
世界不再单调
我的微笑你明白就很好

你就像月亮绕着轨道
拥抱着地球闪耀
在我的星球写下惊叹号
有了你世界神魂颠倒
你的微笑
编织了每一个奇妙

2007-09-27T21:00:00.000+08:00

haven been blogging dese few days cos i've taken an interest in writing in a diary.. yup.. my deepest and darkest secrets are hidden within the pages of a diary, in blue and white.. (ps. i used blue pen.. so it's blue and white.. not black and white..)

~*~

hmm.. it seems i'm developing a habit of fantasizing while on the bus.. i started noticing it ytd.. cos i was thinking of some stuff dat wld nv ever happen, and i'm grinning lyk an idiot over it.. =.= dat's when i realised the "danger" of taking a bus.. cos u feel compelled to think of sth during long journeys.. me? i fantasized.. it was really nice though...

~*~

hong kong trip in less than 2 wks time.. not say very excited but yea.. kind of looking forward to it..

~*~

i hope bestie's alrite now.. gotta treat her an ice cream when i see her.. =D

~*~

been meeting db these few days.. haha gym-ed wif her today.. only lasted for lyk 30mins cos i'm having knee problems.. yea well.. I'M GONNA LOSE WEIGHT~! ROAR

~*~

kbox wif e piggies dis sun~ whee~!

~*~

hmm.. before he left for NS, he sent me an email and said dis one sentence:

love that we cant have is the one that last the longest, hurt the deepest and feel the strongest

one thing i've got to disagree is dat.. it's not a love we cant have.. it's a love we once shared.. and i hope we'll still be sharing.. but.. i guess it's not time to say dis.. we still have to lead our own lives.. juz hope dat fate will let us cross paths again ba.. now, it'll be beta to remain frenz..

2007-09-23T14:00:00.000+08:00

was watching Hanazakari no Kimitachi e on youtube.. Mizuki said sth which i wanna say to someone.. hahaha..

i want to laugh with you when you laugh. i want to have fun with you when you have fun. i want to grieve with you when you are grieving. and when you are sad, i want to cry with you.

loving someone, is not possessing.. and to me, being dere for him is e best thing dat could ever happen to me.. though at times, he's not responsive (=.=) but when he starts crapping and joking wif me, it makes me feel satisfied.. even content.. he told me he moved on.. dat he feels troubled.. in his words, "xin hen fan".. and i told him, concentrate on wat is in front of you.. dun bother too much abt wat is between us.. dis time round, when i say i would wait, i would.. unless....

~*~

hmm.. db has been nagging me abt going to kbox.. hahaa.. i oso wan to go lehx.. but dunno when free.. towards db, i've got alot of things to say lehx.. one of them is sorry ba.. cos everytime i go out, i nv jio her.. and dat i've been neglecting her.. until dis frenship between us is almost lyk non-existent.. i've got no excuses and no reasons how things came to be lyk dis.. one thing i've got to emphasize is i nv 重色轻友 so dun say dat of me.. >.<

i do still regard db as my mei and best fren.. juz dat nowadays, we talk mostly abt serious stuff ba.. haha. cos lyk db said, she mature le.. while me.. keke still acting lyk a kid.. hard to believe i'm 18 aye.. LOL talking to db sometimes makes me feel as if i'm useless.. still dependent on my parents, dunno abt alot of things lyk work, no plans for future and still not realistic.. haha.. dat's why through talking to db, i am hoping i'll be able to grow up.. dunno whether is it working anot.. LOL

hmm.. muz be wondering why i'm suddenly talking abt db rite.. cos i'm thinking of her ba.. (i'm straight by the way.. =.=) but mainly becos i dun see her dat much.. blogging is a way of communicating wif her ba.. i'm mostly talking rubbish la.. cos i dunno wat to blog abt.. =x anyway, here's a little tribute to db ba.. no pics though..

i met her when i was in sec 2.. in dmn lib somemore.. when i was in sec sch, i kept mostly to myself.. not bothering to talk to ppl.. after sch will juz run hm.. not because i guai.. more lyk dere's nth dat makes me wan to stay out.. so anyway, during recess, i hole myself up in the lib.. so dat's where i met db..

we started out wif a simple hello.. slowly, we started talking to each other.. bitching abt teachers, principal.. abt our lives, family.. studies.. started opening up to each other.. den we slowly developed a frenship whereby we went out almost everyday.. at 1st, it's e 2 of us wif another guy called Albert.. den i dunno how it went to e 2 of us only..

i still rmb going out wif her.. juz e 2 of us.. it was fun.. though we only go TM and CS lyk almost everyday.. it doesnt bore us one bit.. cos we simply juz enjoy each other's company.. i rmb we can sit at mac for lyk hours, juz eating one meal and talking alot.. i oso rmb we were talking abt sth funny.. and we laughed and laughed.. couldnt stop.. ended up squatting in front of CPF building and laughing till tears nearly flowed down our cheeks.. now dat's fun..

i would always be thankful to db for bringing me out of my shell.. if dere's no db, i wouldnt have met great frenz lyk bc, zh, sk and sq.. and through them, we met other great frenz lyk gray, sy, zx, jk, and so on.. and within dis group of frenz, db found her love.. i noe she's happy.. and i'm glad dat she's happy.. cos we've really been through alot to be where we are now..

db's my confidante.. she's my sister.. though we've drifted apart but in my heart, she's always someone whom i noe i shld be grateful to.. without her, i wouldnt be where i am today.. so thank you db, for all dat you've said and done for me.. when i say frenz forever, i really mean it.. love ya~

2007-09-22T12:18:00.000+08:00

i figured it'll be a waste not to blog abt last nite.. hahaha cos it's super fun and embarrassing.. =x

1st of all, thks to kev for remembering my birthday.. =) though it's belated, it's e thot dat counts.. haha

2ndly, i received sk's present from zh.. =D CHIP~ now i'm on the lookout for DALE.. HAHA

cute rite.. we made him drive.. LOL

let's talk abt ytd.. it's really fun.. haha.. went out wif gor gor bc, cai gor gor zh, shuai ge zx and anything jk.. LOL anyways, zx was late so we went to his hse to wait for him.. his hse very nice de lorx.. beautiful de~

off we went to bugis.. wanted to eat at Swenson's but... too many ppl.. den we walked ard and i joked abt going to food court.. zx say no, muz go high class abit de place cos wear until so nice.. HAHA finally decided to eat at Sketches.. e food is nice.. so's the pizza.. yum yum~ thks to the guys for treating me dinner =D jk had sausages, i had veal shanks while bc, zh and zx had beef steak.. e food is very nice.. worth the money.. haha

den we went to buy tickets for movie.. seeing dat i've turned 18, we decided to watch a M18 movie.. hahaha.. chose I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.. when buying tickets, need to show IC.. lolx.. found out jk is a PR.. and zx feels insulted dat need to check IC.. LOL

e movie was GREAT~ damn funny la.. laughing throughout the movie.. think bestie will lyk it.. HAHA highly recommended to go watch! i recommend huahua to watch le.. by the way..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FLOWER LOVER~!

so where was i.. oh.. after watching movie, we had a hard time getting to the car.. hahaha cos we parked at e basement of bugis.. den we have problems going to basement.. =.= cos e lift stop service at 11 30pm.. and it's 2am alr.. haha end up we walk in through the entrance of the carpark.. lolx

went to a pub at boat quay.. dunno e name.. nv notice.. went in, opened a bottle of vodka and started drinking.. played card games and stay dere all e way till close to 5am.. zh puked.. i puked too cos i got drunk.. seems dat i get drunk easily.. =.= anyway, thks to zx and bc for taking care of me when i got drunk.. jk too.. =D zh oso have la.. hahaha. but bc brought me hm and zx was patting my back while i puked.. zx keep asking me whether i ok anot.. haha den i say i puke once ok liao.. end up when bc drive, i puke again.. =.= lucky got plastic bag sia.. alr dizzy from being drunk liao.. den i choose dat time to get motion sickness.. ^*&^*&$^#&%&*&*^%%*& confirm puke lorx..

anyway, i gave my parents a scare when i called hm to ask dem unlock e door.. according to my mom, it's really scary to receive a phone call in e middle of the nite wif one of us outside.. cos it might mean sth happen to us.. yea.. sorry mom and dad! >.<

all in all, i had a really great time~ =D if can, i dun mind going out lyk dat again.. juz dat dis time round, i'll try not to get drunk.. =x

thks once again to bc, zh, zx and jk~! =D

2007-09-20T23:20:00.001+08:00

SHEEPIE TURNED 18 LIAO~ LIKE FINALLY~!
hahahaha.. happy happy girl~ 1st of all, gonna thank those ppl who made my day.. =D

in chronological order, the ppl who sent me birthday wishes and presents:
1) SY~ cos he need to slp early, he msged me "happy birthday" last nite at ard 8plus to 9.. hahaha but i really appreciate the thot.. 12 15 22 5 25 1 =)

2) Little aunt~ went to her hse last nite to help rui ying on her maths.. and i got my 3rd present from her.. DVD set =D wif my fave korean idol~ wootx!

3) my son~ he sent me the SWEETEST msg EVER~! last yr he gave me sweets and dis yr, he gave me the sweetest feeling ever~! Love you son!!! =D

4) SL~ erm.. he was at my hse at 11plus close to 12am.. but i wasnt hm.. >.< so he left my present on my doorstep and left.. he bought me a cake and a bottle which i wanted.. thks alot.. =) when my dad saw e cake, he was lyk, "wah, save my money on buying a cake.. " =.= dere was some writings on the cake.. "Happy Birthday Sheepie. Stay Happy" my dad was lyk.. wat's dat? i told him "sheepie" and he heard "shitty".. thks ar, papa.. zzzz

5) Darling Flower~ she was hoping to be the 1st one.. but.... HAHA so credits to her for being the FIRST GIRL to wish me happy birthday =D

6) my bro~ 1st time he said happy birthday to me at 12 midnight sia.. LOL *tears* my mom and my dad too hahaha.. 1st time 12midnight blow candle.. =D and sing birthday song.. WOOTX happy happy~! and my bro and my mom gave me my 1st birthday present.. a Crumpler messenger bag.. =D i lyk~!

7) dhah dhah~ thks you sooooo much, darling turtle =D when's the nxt chapter of your story coming out??

8) cheryl~ keke thks so much! muackz~

9) clara~ thank you soo soo soo much and yes, i'm most definitely one yr older.. HAHA

10) valerie~ xie xie ni~! =D

11) zx~ shuai ge wish me happy birthday lehx~!!!!! ^.^

12) bc~ my dearest gor gor.. haha he say since he cant give me my 1st present, he's giving me my LAST present.. =.= so he juz came to my hse and passed me my present.. LOL

13) vanessa~ MIA dunno how long le lehx.. hahaah.. but thks for remembering =)

14) ms joan ho~ o.O i didnt expect dat.. it was really a pleasant surprise.. =) thank you

15) manu~ bestie celebrated my birthday wif me on tue.. =D went to Changi Village wif her for a couple of drinks and she gave me my 1st present.. a bracelet.. pretty pretty.. thks bestie~! love ya =D oh and she treated me to cocktails.. thks alot~! (i'm such an alcoholic.. LOL)

16) ayysha~ thank you "boss"! =p

17) noraishah~ thank you so much! gotta have fun on sat kz! =)

18) laura~ thks babe!! stay happy~!

19) fion~ hello mummy~! thks so much for e birthday wish =D

20) melvin~ wah.. dis guy ar.. LOL dunno how long nv contact liao.. knew him since pri sch.. still good frenz.. HAHA thks alot man.. =D

21) jessica and isabel~ now dis is a really huge surprise.. my mentees.. =D it's nice to noe dey remembered my birthday.. makes it worthwhile for me to go every sat.. i'm loving mentoring more and more~!

22) kuku~ HAHA good luck for your sup paper and thks alot!! =D

23) zh~ whee my gor gor who CALLS me to wish me happy birthday sia.. *touched*

24) db~ she tagged at my tagboard.. hahaha.. now den saw it.. thks alot darling and dun worry abt e celebration kz.. =) cheerx

25) sk~ OMG DAT BIAN TAI TAGGED ME~! i missed him sia.. KAI AR.. MY DESKTOP CRASHED!!! >.< hahaha anyways, thks for tagging.. =D

26) last but not least, thks to ivan for his birthday wish.. =) appreciates

i hope i nv leave anyone out.. =x if i did, thank you sooo much cos you've made my day too~!

well.. i wld say dis yr is my best birthday ever.. cos i'm not expecting much from it, i've gotten alot more out of it.. dun understand? well.. every yr, as my birthday gets closer, i wld start having count-downs and being excited over a seemingly, normal day.. and most times than not, i would be disappointed by the lack of certain things.. not presents.. mayb cos i'm expecting sth special dat's why when dere's nth special, i'm disappointed..

but dis yr, it's diff.. mayb ppl will be wondering, why i dun wan to celebrate my birthday.. why dis and why dat.. e reason is simple.. i'm sick and tired of expecting things, and being disappointed when it didnt come up to my expectation.. so yea, i wanna pass my birthday happily, without disappointment.. so i decided dis yr, dun celebrate and dun have any expectations at all.. and boy.. did today surprise me..

today, i found out dat when you dun expect anything out of e day, u tend to appreciate things more.. receiving birthday wishes and presents were a joy dis yr.. cos i treasure them more.. and it's really a pleasant surprise to receive the sms-es.. makes it's all e more special.. dat's why dis yr is a special yr for me.. cos without noticing, you guys have made my birthday special.. once again, thank you.. love you all~! muacks!

2007-09-17T11:37:00.000+08:00

there's only one word to describe having to wake up at 5plus am in the morning for 2 consecutive days.. SHAGGED~! really, totally, superbly shagged.. seriously.. wernt for Terry Fox Run ytd morning.. (no, i'm not running..) woke up at an unholy hour of 5 am... (urgh~!) reach harbourfront interchange at abt 6 15am and.. AND.. it's raining heavily.. lyk really, totally, superbly heavily~! ok.. i'm exaggerating here.. lolx but who cares.. e timing is still unholy.. though i cant really define which time is holy... =x

so wat did i do at e Terry Fox Run? well, basically, my "job" is to stand in the middle of the track.. and prevent myself from being knocked down by the runners.. =.= ok la.. i'm supposed to prevent them from colliding wif one another but hey.. i was too busy avoiding them, to prevent a human collision.. LOL

e whole thing ended at 10plus and i swear, the management sux.. lyk hell.. zzzz.. went to the toilet wif yun qian.. stupid toilet was all e way at One degree 15 and we had to walk lyk 2km(?) to reach dere.. den while we were dere, yasmin called to say they were leaving.. OMG la.. nv even wait for us.. how they manage one sia.. and ivan, joel and laura were at sentosa cove which was even FURTHER away.. waited for e 3 of them and we walked back to the supposed meeting place to find.. NO ONE.. =.= then called some of our frenz, was told to WALK towards Tanjong Beach.. sianz.. i think we walked for quite some time sia.. think got 3 km lorx.. laura was complaining that she's tired.. and me too.. i developed a major headache due to lack of slp.. sigh.. so didnt join e rest when dey went to beach..

ivan sent me and yun qian hm.. to tell the truth, i feel dat the Terry Fox Run should be more well managed.. i mean the tp side.. i wasnt even informed of all e details la.. all i got was a phone call to tell me meet where and wat time and dat's it~! i was quite pissed off wif e lack of details but since it's over, watever la.. one nice thing abt e run was dat i saw a woman pushing a stroller while she jogged.. her daughter is sooo cute la~! it's kinda inspiring watching dem run.. but i'm not inspired to run.. mainly cos i cant do long distance.. lolx so i gotta salute those who completed the run.. kudos~!

reached hm at ard 11plus, bathed and went to the salon to straighten my hair.. reached hm at 2plus and i ko-ed.. slept till 3plus, woke up changed clothes and off i went wif my family to Wheelock Place to buy my bag~! =D got a nice messenger bag for $163, paid for by both my mom and bro... keke.. dinner's on dad.. love my family~ MUACKS

went to Parkway Parade to buy a player.. can watch DVDs, and dere's radio.. i forgot wat's it called la.. but can sing karaoke.. HAHA no need go kbox liao.. stay at hm sing~ =p

went hm at 8 30, bathed and went out to meet sk and zh for movie.. LOL i'm such a bad person to watch movie wif.. cos i keep moving and at e start of the movie, i was msging sy.. =x yea, but i ended the conversion real quick.. muz be considerate.. >.< movie was so so.. erm.. i think i'm a scardy cat cos i got scared.. over nth... =.= so after e movie, sk and zh were teasing me over my movements.. HAHA

woke up real early dis morning at 5 30am to do some stuff for mentoring, den met up wif bc and zh to go airport.. drove dere and met sk.. hung out wif him till he had to go in.. zzz.. super sad la.. nearly cry.. =( think sk oso wan to cry la but thks to bc for being so gay, we laughed instead of cry.. =p

went to T2 to eat breakfast wif bc and zh.. zh too sleepy le la.. he accidently overturn e coffee.. knn.. kena my bag sia.. NEW BAG LEHX.. den my whole pants wet.. zzz i become coffee girl liao.. T-T den hor.. e coffee is HOT.. burn my butt.... T-T painful de.. my butt cooked liao la.. LOL but my poor bag now got coffee smell sia.. zzz need to wash.. ytd buy nia lehx.. sobs...... smelly bag liao..............................

den hor... my whole butt wet la.. i got e ****ing coffee smell all over my body can.. not only my pants, jacket oso tio.. den still need to walk from T2 to T1... super MALU la~! den bc need to cover me.. hahaha.. he walk behind me sia.. den e 3 of us keep laughing over e coffee smell.. kekeke

now in tp .. lolx.. passed kuku e AM txtbk.. talked to her for a while and she went off to work le.. so here i am, blogging away happily wif her acc.. LOL so now my name is TAN HUI LING.. HAHA well, i shall end here le..

心里充满着不舍得地送他走
莫名其妙的是当他要走时
真的好想哭
在这没有他的四个月
我真的会觉得好寂寞
虽然还有别的朋友在
但他是我现在朋友当中最要好的
我知道我会很想他
也会觉得没有他会怪怪的
因为少了一个人和我斗嘴
也少了一个我可以诉苦的人
虽然他老是欺负我
可是我也被他欺负习惯了 =.=
死变态快点跟我回来~!!!!!!! (bc loves you~)

from bc: take care~ (me: =.= 好恩爱)

2007-09-15T21:12:00.000+08:00

went to WSPS today to take some videos for mentoring.. woo.. i got lost in the sch.. =.= zhi ying was dere too.. so we were walking ard the sch, looking for signs of mentoring sessions.. lolx e place is at 3rd level.. but we were searching on the 1st level.. =.= no wonder cannot find.. haha

took the necessary videos and headed to JYPS wif jun xian for more video takings.. watched dem play games, got a couple of my victims (muahahaha) and interviewed dem.. today was filled wif fun and laughter cos e mentors are all friendly.. i would say i really enjoyed it.. =)

TCCC as usual was fun.. lolx.. esp e games.. netball AGAIN.. HAHA anyways, it's really fun having mentors and mentees playing games together.. keke going to be real busy dis 2wks cos of mentoring.. gonna chiong e vid.. den dere's e ppt.. and Award Ceremony.. AHHHH so many things to do!!!!!!!! *stress*

went to soccer dere as usual.. lolx saw sy's hair.. or rather, lack of hair.. ok la.. not as ugly as he said.. but den again, he always say he's ugly.. =.= fine.... db was dere too.. talked to her and she told me abt her sis's blog shop.. i was listening and thot her sis is really an aggressive entreprenuer.. buying and selling of branded goods lehx.. high capital lorx.. pei fu pei fu... *kowtow* one of the stuff her sis selling is Blue Label.. u noe e limited Blue Label.. not sold in S'pore de.. got nice clothes and bags but her sis selling bags nia.. branded de wor.. i wan buy but no money.. LOL watever..

talked to zx abt me going to Hong Kong.. asked him wat he wan and he told me boxers.. LOL i'm lyk ok den.. but now he say he wan to think abt it.. HAHA db say anything.. lolx.. so yea.. i'm going ard asking ppl wat dey wan.. but i dun even noe i can buy anot.. =.= but i'll try.. if cannot, juz anyhow buy lorx.. haha

zx is very funny lehx.. lolx.. i kept laughing when i was talking to him.. and hor.. he's a shuai ge ok... lolx.. when i saw him today, i said, "wah shuai ge.. very long nv see you liao!" haha oh well.. going to soccer place every wk allows me to keep in touch wif my frenz.. which is sth i lyk.. =)

sk going to India le.. so i ask him to treat me ice cream today.. =D going to send him off on mon morning.. going to be EARLY.. zzzzz but since he will be gone for quite some time, juz wake up early lorx.. hahaha.. kai ar.. see i treat you so well!!! lolx

my mom told me we're going to buy me a Crumpler bag tml.. =D cos i told her i lyk my cousin's bag.. last entry i said i wanted to steal his bag.. yea.. his is a Crumpler bag.. haha my bday present.. =p happy happy~

oki la.. i go slp le.. dunno wat i wan to blog abt.. lolx.. ciao~

2007-09-12T00:00:00.000+08:00

i'm high~ lolx well time for some updates..

Saturday:
sometimes i really dunno why i go mentoring.. i mean, e mentees can be a handful.. and some of dem are.. argh! juz dis saturday morning, i went to TP for JYPS's outing.. truth to be told, i was feeling pretty grumpy, having to wake up early and all.. my job was to take pic and videos of the outing.. to make matters worse, it's raining.. i should be snug and cosy in my bed.. not in TP taking pics..

but once again, e kids nv fail to amaze me.. JYPS kids are cute to the extent u really wan to bring them hm.. hahaa and it juz reaffirms my decision to join mentoring is the rite thing.. yea it's true at times, these kids make me wanna scream.. but still, the joy on their faces.. indescribable.. at TCCC, i interviewed 2 mentors.. and wat one of dem said, i pondered.. after one full wk of stress, it relaxes us to see these kids.. and i guess it's really true.. sometimes we are so focused on our problems, we fail to see many things out dere.. and these kids are one of the many things out dere dat we've missed out.. i'm really glad sk pulled me into dis CCA.. i'm really glad..

after mentoring, i headed over to the court as usual where the guys are playing soccer.. finally claimed my ice cream treat from sy.. =D sk and zh were making fun of me e whole time.. zzzz

Sunday:
nth much happened today.. juz a normal sunday where i wake up late, played games.. boring.. went to dinner wif my aunts.. and dat's all.. oh yea.. did a really crazy thing.. i emailed sy.. =x

Monday:
well, went to the dentist today.. cleaned my teeth and e dentist told me i have a habit of grinding my teeth and she advises me to make a night guard which i will wear when i slp.. and guess wat.. e night guard cost a freaking $400++.. lyk wat e hell la! anyway, i told her i'm gonna discuss dis wif my parents.. and even so, it cost me $85.. money fly away liao la..

worked as per usual at my dad's.. interesting thing was dat sk and zh called me and we chatted for more than an hour.. hahaa sort of decreases the boredom.. den had dinner and went hm..

read e email sy sent me.. =D and chatted wif him on msn.. hahaha made him promise to reply me when i msg him.. lolx and juz chatted wif him.. ahahah

Today:
msged sy in the morning.. cos he enlisting today.. told him if he replied me, i would tell him my secret.. and he really replied me.. =.= wat to do.. so i told him my secret.. and he didnt reply.. LOL

mama went to Taiwan wif her family today.. i went to send them off.. hahaa.. chatted and joked wif my cousins.. wanted to steal my cousin's bag but he caught me.. =x "borrowed" their PSP to play.. well.. i sort of demanded for it but watever.. HAHA my dad was driving dem to the airport.. so while we were getting on the van, i knocked my head against e roof of the van and i "bounced" back.. T-T everyone had a shock.. but my dad laughed.. =.= dere's still a freaking lump on my head which hurts alot.. =(

after dat, went to work and chatted wif zh and sk on the phone again.. hahaa.. dis time, we chatted for 2hrs and 30mins.. hahaha.. den bc called in, made some plans for nxt fri and we hung up.. and i started reading my storybook.. had dinner and went hm.. msged sy (and he replied!!!).. was really happy.. HAHA so we "chatted" for a while and he went to slp.. lights out.. keke..

was chatting wif nandu's gf, li, on msn.. she's a really nice and special girl.. hahaa.. we talked abt alot of stuff... hehee she found our yrbk in 2004 and was flipping through it.. by the way, nandu and li are in London.. LOL anyway, told her abt alot of stuff dat happened between me and nandu in secondary sch.. bitched abt stuff, talked abt shopping, hot guys (oh my~) and sex.. sex was a really huge topic between e 2 of us.. we shared quite alot.. HAHA and trust me.. for girls, the conversation is rather crude.. keke.. talking to li made me laugh and i'm really relaxed when i'm talking to her cos she's such a nice person to talk to.. plus, we lyk to gossip abt nandu.. LOL we were going on abt bjs and being eaten out.. HAHA den we talked abt sizes and crude jokes.. it's a really open conversation..

well.. i guess it's a really happy day for me.. catching up wif old frenz, keeping in touch.. but let's face it.. e person who made me really happy is him.. lolx.. gonna msg him tml nite again.. see how he is.. haven shave head wor.. lolx cant wait to see him botak.. =p

oh yea.. sk's flying off nxt mon.. think i'm gonna send him off.. hmm.. i guess i will miss him ba.. cos i always go out wif him de.. (he's e easiest to call out on last min basis.. LOL) india lehx.. siao siao.. hmm.. hope he'll come back soon ba.. hahaha

2007-09-07T23:07:00.000+08:00

yea~! i'm finally feeling beta~! =D wasnt feeling dat unwell today.. can even say other than a hoarse voice, i'm feeling much beta.. *grinz* anyways, juz completed 2 dances for mentoring and i've edited the songs too.. feeling so happy.. ^.^ i'm a happy girl~

well, went for mentoring meeting dis morning.. asked huimin to join cos she's my assistant.. (hi, assistant~!) meeting was funny once again thks to jun xian.. haha.. tml's going to be a day of hard work for me and my 2 darling helpers.. we'll be taking photos and videos.. shucks~ =s 1st time doing dis.. a little nervous.. ahahaha

tore down e mentor notice board today.. in jun xian's words, tearing down the notice board was a "historical moment".. ~.~ riiiite.. wished i had a vacuum cleaner dere though.. =x it's really dusty.. but i'm not complaining.. cos huimin, jun xian and sk were e ones doing e tearing down.. hahaha.. thks for e help guys~! ^.^

after dat, met bc and went for lunch.. or rather sk went for lunch.. me and bc simply watched.. lolx.. den sk went to buy phone.. zh came and join us.. was supposed to meet sy at mrt station at 3 30.. but cos sk buy phone, we were late.. oops.. =s when we reached mrt station, it was already lyk 4 45.. we were supposed to watch a movie at plaza sing at 4 20.. =.= go figure.. den dis uncle came and asked for direction.. i walked him out of e station and told him how to walk to e polyclinic.. den e uncle asked me whether i'm from china.. =.=! den he said cos of e way i speak chinese.. perfect pronounciation.. lolx and i was lyk no, i'm singaporean.. HAHA

by e time we board e train, it was lyk 4? so when we reached plaza sing, it's 4 30 le.. den e tickets was selling fast.. den sy said cathay got at 5 15.. took train down to somerset, bought e tickets and off we went to watch e movie~! e movie is Naraka 19: The 19th Gate of Hell.. horror movie.. heard abt it on e radio.. e thing is.. after e movie, i wasnt even scared.. and zh nearly fell asleep, sk was lyk playing wif his phone and sy is lyk half asleep.. LOL so you get my drift.. i didnt quite lyk e storyline but i kinda lyk wat e whole movie was revolving abt.. 19th gate of hell.. how cool.. i'm gonna do some research on dat.. i think it's a cult.. but not sure.. yea.. gotta research..

in conclusion, i wouldnt recommend ppl to go watch this movie but if you're interested in the theory of 19th level of hell, go ahead and watch it.. kinda lame movie all in all.. wasnt scary.. T.T and it was stated as horror.. oh my.. the horror of it~!

2007-09-05T22:21:00.001+08:00

barely one week into the holidays, i'm "happy" to announce dat i'm sick.. psh.. juz e normal bout of cough and flu.. when's fever coming into the picture? soon, i would say.. argh.. so frustrated.. why am i sick.. zzzz.. today, e kukus are celebrating judy's bday at linus's hse.. i cant go.. =( but even if i could go, i'm too sick to go.. =.= was supposed to head over to my dad's to work.. but, when i got hm, i juz ko-ed in bed.. and when my bro came hm, he woke me up and said, "you sick ar? *takes one look at me* ok nvm.. you are sick.." major =.=

went to see a chinese physician juz now.. i lazy to go western doc.. took med.. i need to take a total of 8pills, 3 times per day.. dat's lyk 24 pills?!?! watever.. not going into maple today cos i gotta slp early..

have anyone wondered why i'm called sheepie? huahua was e one who called me dat.. and when i asked her why, she said it was cos i have a soft toy named meh meh and it's a sheep.. and she knew of dat sheep cos i brought it to sch.. LOL so dat's why i'm sheepie.. same reason for bestie who has a duck called charlie.. so bestie's duckie.. lolx

i guess no one knew why i have dat sheep and why it's called meh meh ba.. except for those who knew me before poly life.. lolx.. i forgot the exact date i bought the sheep.. but i bought it at night safari.. it cost me $10..

sheep was sth significant to me since i met him.. up till now, it's still sth significant.. to me, he's meh meh.. someone i keep deep in my heart.. someone whom, as long as he's happy, i'm happy too.. however, i'm still a girl and i have needs.. all i needed was to see him.. keep in contact and perhaps, be dere for him.. dat's all.. i dun need him to give me a status.. i dun need him to tell me i'm somone special to him.. i juz need him to noe i'm dere for him, be it as a fren or someone more special.. if i said i cant live without him, i would say it's e truth ba.. he touched my heart once.. he found me once.. now, he's still got me.. juz dat he didnt notice it.. perhaps at dat time, i didnt notice it too.. dat's why i didnt cherish wat we had.. i guess it's all too late to regret.. he's going to "jail" in 6 days' time.. i would be lying if i said i wouldnt miss him.. and i would be lying too if i said i'm ok without him there for me to disturb.. but dat's how it'll be.. for now.. i'll be willing to wait for him.. while waiting for him, i'll do well for my studies and not think abt relationships and stuff.. i suppose i hurt him once when i left.. now, i'm sticking to my promise.. and i promised to wait.. so wait is wat i will do..

was watching youtube vid again.. came across dis harry potter vid.. super funny.. and i found dis rap.. lol damn cool la.. gonna share:

2007-09-04T21:37:00.000+08:00

i dunno wat to blog.. got alot of stuff i wanna say but i cant say it.. read sl's blog.. mixed feelings i would say.. other than dat, i dunno wat to say.. seriously wish to hide in a corner and not bother abt anything..

i've been MIA again.. other than sch stuff, i cant go out to other places.. or rather, i've simply lost e mood.. hmm.. i've got to stop now.. mind's in a blank

2007-09-03T22:37:00.001+08:00

it's really scary.. i have a sudden urge to cry.. LOL so diao rite.. i dun even noe why i'm thinking of that.. =.= currently, my mind's filled wif many what if's... and many perhap's.. i've been going..

perhaps dis...
perhaps dat...
perhaps dis...
perhaps dat...

it gets kinda tiring and depressing.. haha.. see.. i've been thinking alot again.. *sigh* and i juz twirl round and round in dis tiny box.. thinking over and over again abt e same thing.. =.= it's lyk, my brain's not really working.. makes me wonder if db's e one who fell on e bus or me.. cos i'm e one having amnesia here.. zzzz

speaking of db.. she really did gave me a huge scare on sat.. i could say i'm beside myself wif worry.. cos nv have i seen her so scared.. yes, i've seen her cry b4.. i've seen her cried far worse than on sat.. but it's dat fear of hers dat really freaked me out.. T.T makes me feel so useless at times.. and makes me wonder wat i would do or feel if i were in her place..

see.. if i ever fell on e bus, and as badly as how she did, i would even bother to call anyone or walk away.. (i guess..) i'll simply sit dere and cry at my stupidity.. cos i always feel stupid after a fall.. not dat i'm saying db's stupid.. it's juz me.. sheash.. DO NOT misunderstand pls.. let me touch on sitting dere and crying at my stupidity.. here's my "logic":

if i ever fall in public, i would be SOOO embarrassed dat i'll start crying..
and trust me, crying makes me feel stupid.. dat's why i cry at my stupidity.. *do i make sense?*

watever.. see, i'm thinking over that incident so much, i could imagine me falling, feeling e humiliation and dat made me wanna cry.. oh boy.. i can be so dumb at times.. even i am amazed.. HAH~!

anyway, i was thinking alot abt perhap's.. haha.. i dunno wat e heck i'm toking but who cares.. *rambles rambles* oki here goes:

i wonder wat would happen if i did certain stuff differently, if i chose differently.. sometimes i'm angry wif myself cos i would accidently hurt others in my attempt to "experiment" wif my life.. life is interesting to me.. *i wonder why* i asked sk dis really dumb qns.. "why is red called red? why cant it be called blue and blue be called yellow?" LOL i have so many qns and i dun really noe where to start..

i wonder if anyone bothered abt dis kinda qns.. hmm.. anyway, i juz find it interesting how life came abt.. i was thinking alot abt dinosaurs in particular.. how did dey die? sk said it's Ice Age.. den i'm lyk, wat's Ice Age? and how did life come abt after Ice Age.. zzz even i'm confused by my own qns.. LOL

if any were to ask me, i would like to be able to turn back time.. to change some things.. but dat's not possible.. so now all i can do is wish.. today is the 3rd.. 17 more days..

i wish __________________________

2007-08-31T23:20:00.001+08:00

it's easy to see, i've changed my blogskin (again).. but dat's besides the point.. once again, i've saved e chickie/duckie which bestie lyks so much.. so yea.. it's still beside e point..

e main reason i locked my blog, was cos i need time alone.. to think, to sort out my feelings.. and within dis past one wk, i really did sort out my feelings.. i noe it's not rite to avoid everyone but it's e best i could do to keep my mind clear.. not dat i'm implying anyone's a distraction but still..

after 3 mths (round up), it all ended.. juz lyk dat.. he asked why.. and even though i thot abt wat i wanted to say, when i looked at him, everything juz went blank.. and i thot to myself.. no point beating abt the bush.. juz give it to him straight and simple.. and i said it..

all i could say was, i cant be with him.. not when my heart's been occupied by another.. all this while, i've been deceiving myself and everyone else.. i could not do it anymore.. i noe who i really love.. and all i could say is i'm sorry.. i'm sorry i lied to you.. other than that, dere's nth else to say..

2007-08-29T10:35:00.001+08:00

i'm eating Mac's Big Breakfast~! Like finally~! =D

2007-08-29T00:08:00.001+08:00

bestie showed me this website.. abt horoscopes which i find rather true.. this is the url:

http://fantasyworld.wordpress.com/virgo-women/

i'm gonna share abt virgo women since i am one.. haha.. here's wat i read online..

A Virgo Woman
She will be similar to Leo woman in appearance. She is slim woman, who walks with confident and proud. (yea riiiite) She has an egg shape facial structure, high and round forehead. She likes to look straight as if she is searching. She is not a pretentious type and will always say what she thinks. You will see Virgo woman walks fast. She will try her best to be perfect, to look perfect and to feel perfect even though there is no such perfection. (haha true true~!)

She is very delicate of what and how she dress. She is bright and easily despairs with obstacles. (how true is dis man.. often mistaken as depressed.. lolx) She likes smart guy who will be compatible with her, so if you are a rich dumb guy, you can forget about her right now. She is not a very possessive or jealous person for she expects respect from her love one. (yea man~!)She does not like a part time lover, or a temporary mate.

If she finds her dream man, she will not go away. If she does not like you, she will always keep a certain distant. (get the hint?) Act proper and appropriate is her discipline. She does not like and can not stand bad languages, cursing words or phrase. (this is soo not true~! HAHA) She likes a gentleman who opens the doors for her. She wants to feel protected and when a man taking care of her, she will feel like a complete woman. (which woman doesnt want that~! =p)

She memorizes everything about other people and about herself very well. (oh no.. i have *STM) She can really keep secret; you can trust her on this. (tell me your secrets~!) She likes a refreshing and a mild scent. She is very delicate in maintaining her beauty, so you could see she is seriously picking soap which match and most suit her skin. Do not comment her on this very picky habits, it is her happiness in working full times as a self beautifier.

She is not an innocent angel for sometimes she can be as tough as steel. Even she easily despair, she is not the type to cry over it. She is a shy type, so making speech in front of the room can make her nervous even she walks and talks confidently. She only searches for true love, not just any love. Her love is an ideal one. (this is so true~! perhaps a little off on the love part.. cos i tend to experiment.. =x)

She likes to think no one is neater than and as effective as her, (i am untidy) which can irritate you sometimes for there is no such thing. She likes sweet talk, but she can slip and say something unpredictable and unbearable to you too. When she stops getting mad, she will totally forget what she just said and be an angel again. (HAHA.. this is soo me~!)If you have a date with her, you’d better be there on time. Flowers and sweet word can calm her down.

If you want to say sorry, make it brief and straight forward. Do not drag your apologetic words into a long making it up event; it could lead you to another world war. (self explanantory) She likes her man to dress nice and clean. She is good in details especially with money. Do not make she thinks that she is a clown or funny. In the beginning of knowing her, please try not to glance at other pretty woman so much. (look all you want.. the most i dig your eyes out.. *sweet smile*)

Early period of dating her, try not to hold her so much in public, it would not be a proper thing to do. She loves books, stage play and music and likes to criticize about them too. (books and music maybe.. but not stage play..) Criticism woman is her icon including big and small things in life starting from your hair, your dress, and the way you talk. If you are in love with her, be as almost perfect as you can.

*Short Term Memory

2007-08-26T20:09:00.000+08:00

here's my all time fave soccer star~! Fabio Cannavaro~! =D he's hot and he's good~! if you still dunno who he is, here's a pic of him:

a little background info on him~

Name: Fabio Cannavaro

Age: 33 (2007)

Birthdate: 13 September 1973

Place of Birth: Naples, Italy (ooo.. Italian~ =D)

Height: 1.76m

Playing Position: Centre-back

he is currently playing for Real Madrid. he's the captain of the 2006 world cup Italian team and he was runner-up to the Golden Ball, finishing behind Zinedine Zidane. Plus, he is rated as one of the world's best defenders. Furthermore, he is the only (so far) defender to be named FIFA world player of the year. (source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fabio_Cannavaro)

i only watch world cup and he sort of caught my attention last yr.. and i was supporting Italy throughout.. lolx.. so i was damn happy when Italy won.. =p i'm not sure if he's married.. lolx.. but someone told me he's married.. =x sigh.. ohh.. and i found dis vid on youtube that has him in it.. keke.. with my fave wrestler's entrance music too~! my fave wrestler is John Cena.. HAHA how nice.. my 2 fave ppl in e same vid.. =D enjoy~

2007-08-26T13:05:00.000+08:00

haha.. i dunno why am i still blogging when no one has access to my blog but wat ever.. LOL i juz wanted an excuse to not study.. =x thk god bestie cant read dis now.. =p by the time she find out, exams are OVER~! =D

anyway, was listening to some songs.. and wanted to share..

~*~

~原来 - 林俊杰
chorus:
原来最疼痛的表情竟是没有情绪
原来最残忍的画面可以甜言蜜语
我不懂得如何更爱你
影子讽刺地跟着我难分难离
原来最孤单的是我还是那么想你
原来最悲哀的是我不能面对自己
你收的干净
我也会不留一点痕迹

~不能说的秘密 - 周杰伦
冷咖啡离开了杯垫
我忍住的情绪在很后面
拼命想挽回的从前
在我脸上依旧清晰可见

最美的不是下雨天
是曾与你躲过雨的屋檐
回忆的画面
在荡着秋千梦开始不甜

你说把爱渐渐放下会走更远
又何必去改变已错过的时间
你用你的指尖阻止我说再见
想象你在身边在完全失去之前

你说把爱渐渐放下会走更远
或许命运的签只让我们遇见
只让我们相恋这一季的秋天
飘落后才发现这幸福的碎片
要我怎么捡

~对你有感觉 - 光良 & 江美琪
我曾深刻体会对爱感到胆怯
还好有懂我的你给我安慰
看你失落的脸又再为爱憔悴
我心痛的感觉竟如此的强烈

眼角的泪它给过谁
伤透了心也无所谓
我会愿意静静地陪在你身边
如果说爱已不可为
那我宁愿藏心里面
其实我害怕会失去你的感觉

怎么会开始对你有了感觉
又深怕朋友默契转身不见
矛盾着犹豫不决没准备
跨越爱的界线

怎么会开始对你有了感觉
深陷朋友恋人之间的危险
进与退被爱包围谁犯规都狼狈
谁能解围让一切完美

怎么会开始对你有了感觉
又深怕朋友默契转身不见
矛盾着犹豫不决没准备
跨越爱的界线

怎么会开始对你有了感觉
深陷朋友恋人之间的危险
你和我拥抱瞬间不后悔这暧昧
星光唯美把爱放心里面

把爱放心里面
把爱放心里面
把爱放心里面

~我可以 - 蔡旻右
寄没有地址的信
这样的情绪有种距离
你放着谁的歌曲
是怎样的心情
能不能说给我听

雨下得好安静
是不是你偷偷在哭泣
幸福真的不容易
在你的背景有我爱你

我可以陪你去看星星
不用再多说明
我就要和你在一起
我不想又再一次和你分离
我多么想每一次的美丽
是因为你

~*~

~还是会想他 - 何耀珊
在夜里失眠
在白天沉睡
摆脱回忆跟随

你给我安慰
为我擦干眼泪
不问为何伤悲
我问我自己
心中还藏着谁
你越温柔我就越后悔

我还是会想他
想听他笑我傻
虽然此刻心里充满挣扎

我还是会想他
还会心乱如麻
我承认我还没忘了他

你给我安慰
为我擦干眼泪
不问为何伤悲
我问我自己
心中还藏着谁
你越温柔我就越后悔

我还是会想他
想听他笑我傻
虽然此刻心里充满挣扎

我还是会想他
还会心乱如麻
我承认我还没忘了他

你有他的单纯
也有他的复杂
你的一切让我觉得像他
而我只能装傻
至少你的拥抱很像他

~最近 - 李圣杰
你最近不说话
怎麽了为什麽
是不是有什麽事让你不快乐

听说你最近很孤单
有点乱有点慌
可是我却不能够在你的身旁

你想要的我却不能够给你我全部
我能给的却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭

你常解释这样的一切都只是开始
我觉得是所有的一切早就已结束
不想再约束不要再痛苦
下一次会有更好的情路

爱我却不能给你我全部
我能给的却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭

你常解释这样的一切都只是开始
我觉得是所有的一切早就已结束
不想再约束不要再痛苦
下一次会有更好的情路
这一次我们都能很幸福

2007-08-23T21:23:00.001+08:00

i cant believe i did accounts paper for 2 and half hrs.. lolx.. and it's lyk 2 diff papers?? perhaps i could leave early again tml~ after tml, i'm gonna close down my blog.. for a re-vamp.. lolx..

i guess it'll be super unfair to do dis.. but dis is wat i have to do before it's too late.. juz one more wk.. one more wk before it's over.. before i can face myself..

2007-08-23T15:59:00.000+08:00

i'm guilty of not studying.. i've been playing maple.. and after dying 4 times, i finally level up.. LOL took me 4 hrs to level.. i guess it's time for me to practise accounts.. den mayb chiong AM and ROM? who noes..

currently my top priorities are studies and maple.. i've even calculated how many PPC i'm going to buy.. alr set aside those things dat i wan to buy.. now all i have to do, is to get pass e papers, buy PPC and chiong.. haha.. it's gonna be e same as last sem.. so cool~ cept dere's a little difference dis sem.. sth i noe which i will miss sorely..

2007-08-22T11:34:00.000+08:00

hmm.. 2 days ago, i was chatting wif zx.. lolx.. surprise surprise.. and he told me one thing that made me think alot.. cherish your frenz, cherish those you have.. i agreed.. cos frenz are the ones who made me get dis far.. i've had encouragements all my life.. wat i didnt expect was someone to tell me to change dis and dat cos he wan me to be a better person.. it made me think if i were such a bad person dat i needed someone to come and correct me when my parents didnt do dat.. and i swear, my parents are helluva good parents.. in fact, they are the best i could ever have..

i would say, i lived a fruitful live.. perhaps i did say once dat i lived for others, but now, i supposed i really wan to live for myself.. thus i'm putting studying and my future career (if i have one) as my top priority.. i have to admit, getting married wasnt part of my plan.. having kids (even though i wan to have) wasnt part of my plan too.. i wanted fun and excitement.. but becos of some reason, i settled for a simple life.. who understands wat i gave up.. i looked at all my frenz, dey have their goals and they can pursue it.. i have my goals.. but i forced myself to give up on it..

holidays are approaching.. and as many would noe, esp bestie, i'll most probably be MIA during e hols.. working at my dad's place and in maple world.. i wouldn't wan to go out.. i wouldnt wan to come in contact wif outside world.. last holiday i had, my only contact was bestie.. my best attribute is to not feel anything when i'm cut off from the rest.. cos to me, frenz dun have to meet regularly, or talk often.. as long as they're in your heart, everything's fine..

currently there's one song which spoke to my heart.. here it is..

~*~

When There Was Me and You
It's funny when you find yourself
Looking from the outside
I'm standing here but all I want
Is to be over there
Why did I let myself believe
Miracles could happen
Cause now I have to pretend
That I don't really care

I thought you were my fairytale
A dream when I'm not sleeping
A wish upon a star
That's coming true
But everybody else could tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
When there was me and you

I swore I knew the melody
That I heard you singing
And when you smiled
You made me feel
Like I could sing along
But then you went and changed the words
Now my heart is empty
I'm only left with used-to-be's
And once upon a song

Now I know you're not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star
Just don't come true
Cause now even I can tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
Because I liked the view
When there was me and you

I can't believe thatI could be so blind
It's like you were floating
While I was falling
And I didn't mind
Cause I liked the view
Thought you felt it too
When there was me and you

~*~

i wonder.. how would ppl feel if they noe wat i thought.. in fact, i have a secret which i cant tell.. cos up till now, i still choose to deceive myself..

2007-08-21T00:39:00.000+08:00

zx brightened my day (or rather nite LOL) juz now.. he said i'm beautiful.. dis is e 1st time he praised me.. it's always dis kind of precious comments dat makes a person smile.. i noe he juz made me smile..

i bet sl dunno whether to be jealous or proud of me le.. HAHA dun worry my dear.. u shld be proud of me.. i'll explain why when i see u.. but provided u ask me.. =p

2007-08-16T21:09:00.000+08:00

i chose to remain silent.. i chose not to talk abt it.. i chose not to think abt it.. so as to not feel anything.. not to acknowledge anything.. i realised i'm not prepared at all.. not prepared to face watever i'm facing now.. yes, it hurts me.. but i hold on to the belief dat things will be ok.. dat if i tried hard enuf, waited long enuf, all my efforts would be worthwhile.. i guess i'm getting more positive.. cos normally, i would wallow in self pity and mayb be sad.. however now, i chose to be positive and hope for e best.. yes, perhaps once or twice, i wanted to cry.. perhaps once or twice, i feel really lonely.. but all dis is wat everyone went through.. ppl experience all dis at least once in their lives.. so why not do so wif a smile, and feel a whole lot more beta... dat's my take on it.. i've matured, in a certain way.. and for dat, i'm happy..

i might not be prepared.. i might not have expected it.. it happened.. and all i can do, is take it in my stride and hope for e best.. all i wan to say is, i really missed those times.. i really missed us..

2007-08-12T22:09:00.001+08:00

well.. apparently i got tagged by manu to do sth.. i'm supposed to write 6 weird facts abt me.. so here goes:

1) i cannot stand messiness other than my room. i will clean and tidy places other than my own bedroom.

2) i cant seem to differentiate dreams from reality or reality from dreams.

3) i enjoy spending one hour in the shower, sitting down and staring into blank space with water pounding on me gently.

4) sugar makes me high to the extend that i'll keep laughing but it doesnt work all the time.

5) my dream job is to be paid for every storybook i've read. all i need to do is hole up in a sofa and read and i get to earn money.

6) even though i read alot, my english still sucks. esp my spelling. =x

6 people i demand to do this..

1. Debbie
2. Ee Hua
3. Toilet
4. Min min
5. Khang Leng
6. Si Liang

~*~

ytd went to watch Secret wif carol, ivan, SL, hua hua, kuku and veggie.. movie was so-so.. i lyk e music though.. after e movie, i had gastric so headed to my aunt's hse for dinner.. she made my favourite dumplings~ =D

it's been a long time since i've tasted it.. my dad can make dumplings too but not as nice as my aunt's!! yum yum~! started playing ard wif my phone and dis is the end result:
super unglam can.. e one on e left is my bro and cousin.. lolx.. middle one is my bro's hand and e idiot on e rite side is of course, me.. LOL

celebrated zh's birthday today.. went to fish & co at terminal 2.. lolx.. took some pics while we were there..
me and db in the toilet~ =.=
me and my dearest "son", benjamin~ =p

my 3 dearest gors~ from left: zh, bc and sk db and her dear Grayson~ =)

it's really fun celebrating someone's birthday at Fish & Co.. cos dey sing dis bday rap which was rather unique though i didnt quite catch wat they were saying.. but it was really funny cos dey asked zh for his name.. and all of us shouted "FISH!" LOL and the staff really thought his name was Fish and shouted to the rest of the ppl in the restaurant, "Everyone, we have a birthday boy by the name of FISH in the house!" major laughters from us cos it was super funny and embarrassing!! HAHA anyway, here are the pics:

the nice and yummy birthday cake~
a happy birthday boy, FISH aka zh~ LOL
blow wind blow.. oh sorry.. i meant, blow CANDLE blow~
cut the cake, i wan to eat~ =D

went Downtown to play pool.. den i'm off to meet my parents for dinner.. on e way to paya lebar, i msged my bro..

me: eh.. dun buy psp lehx.. i heard they coming out wif newer version nxt yr..

bro: whatever.. by then i have ps3 liao =p

me: crazy guy.. i wan e new psp.. muahahaha

bro: hell no.. ps3 FTW!!! (FTW = for the win)

me: i dun care.. e most i save money buy

bro: lol gd wahahaha

me: and you cannot touch

bro: NOOOO!!! I CAN TOUCH!!

me: not letting you touch.. hump

bro: ... loser...

me: you are e loser, not me.. cos you dun get to play.. neh ni neh ni poo poo

bro: >.>

lolx.. oh well.. it's lame but it entertained me on the ride there.. HAHA well.. i guess dere's nth else? hmm.. ciao~

2007-08-10T22:30:00.000+08:00

it's been a emotional roller coaster.. everytime, i would wait wif bated breath.. i would hope and hope.. i kept saying "please.." but alas! wat a disappointment..

DHAH DHAH~ WHEN IS E NXT PART OF YOUR STORY?!!? T-T

anyway, juz being curious.. currently i have 2 different stories.. which one would you prefer me to continue?

Remember Me ~Prologue~

She lay there, life slowly seeping out of her. She felt a sense of peace surrounding her, a peace she had never experieced in many years. Once an innocent girl full of laughter, she has now grown to be a woman, wise beyond her age. Reality, harsh it might be, always taught humans to grow up, she was no exception.

Her life was filled with regrets and misery. They worked hand in hand, making her lose hope, rendering her helpless in this society. She embraced Death as he came to claim her. To her, Death was like a long lost relative she had been seeking all her life. Finally, she had found him. Self hate created her desire to end her life. Unconditional love and unrequinted love destroyed her heart and soul.

The center of her world revolved around two men, one whom she loved and one who loved her. They turned her world upside down and changed her. Self destruction. Was it her doing or did the three of them caused it? She was uninterested in the answer for it did not matter to her, not now, not ever. She thought of the events that led to her suicide today. Of the pain, the suffering, the love, the joy and happiness. In the span of 26years, she had experienced everything there is to experience. She had no regrets leaving this world. As she succumbed to eternal slumber, she caught a glimpse of Jayden rushing towards her. Her heart fluttered weakly upon sighting him but stilled as soon as he reached her...

~*~

Words Left Unsaid ~Prologue~

She felt an acute pain in her chest. Her hand instinctively went to her heart. She felt the steady beating and knew it was just an illusion. An illusion of a healthy heart. Any day now, she thought. Any day, my heart will stop beating.

She stared out at the sea, thinking how Fate had dealt her a fatal blow, rendering her helpless. She thought of how life has been unfair to her. Her parents had died in an aircraft accident. There was only her and her brother and now this. Tears flowed freely down her cheeks as she lamented her loss.

Words were said, hearts were broken but her heart was shattered. She knew by disappearing, her brother would be sick from worry for her. However, she did not care. She wanted to live life to her fullest and she was determined to do so. And so, she came up with a list of things she must do. At the top of the list, it was "Get a boyfriend"...

~*~

so what do you guys think? personally, i feel dat i'll be able to continue both.. but Words Left Unsaid seems a little.. cliche.. or rather, gives me the feeling of bubblegum, teenage romance.. whilst Remember Me is more mature, more dark.. so wat do u prefer? sweet and idealistic or dark and realistic?

ps. in the event dat no one's interested, i'll most probably delete both stories.. lolx